January 31, 2008

Leftovers: Forsberg A Flyer Again?

• Inga Saffron writes the Kimmel Center might be redesigned to be a bit more friendly. It will cost a fortune, though; hooray! [Inquirer]

• Guess who the government planned for an attack from yesterday? That's right: Bloggers. [AP/Press of AC]

• Peter Forsberg will return to the NHL. For some reason he loves Philadelphia and there's a good shot the Flyers could get him back. [The 700 Level]

• A matchmaker in NYC is setting up young bachelors with rich sugar mommas. Capitalism at its finest! [Reuters]

• In news that should make every human, male or female, proud to be human, large breasts do not put a woman at risk for diabetes. Science at its finest! [Panic Watch!]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:20 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Phillies Might Have Shot In NL East After All

Above: A fax -- a fax! -- the Phillies sent to PW earlier today.

Looks like Pedro Feliz might be leading a victory parade down Broad Street after all! Today Jayson Stark reports the Mets and Johan Santana are having problems reaching an agreement on a contract extension, as for some reason the Mets don't want to give him a guaranteed sixth year because... I don't know, I would give Santana his own Ron Paul Blimp if he asked for it. He's the best pitcher in the game, bar none.

Anyway, it's unlikely the trade's going to fall apart, but there is always hope, Phillies fans. And by that I mean there is always hope that will soon be crushed when Santana wins 30 games next year.

Sources: Mets likely won't reach deal with Santana until Friday, if at all [ESPN.com]
Mets, Santana Hitting "Snag" [Balls, Sticks & Stuff]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:45 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Norman Braman Still Pissing People Off

Anyway, he lives in Miami now, and right now he's pissing off the local politicians and such by filing a lawsuit against a $3 million public works project he says will hurt the poor.

Although the money for the project is supposed to be slated for anti-poverty programs, it's going to fund a new stadium for the Marlins, shore up the finances of the performing arts center and build a water front park for museums. Braman is going all out to stop it; he's successfully held marketing blitzes to stop projects he didn't like before.

One can only hope the 75-year-old will get so fed up he'll run for mayor.

Citing principle, Braman relishes the fight [Miami Herald]
[Photo via Social Miami]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:16 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Well, At Least He's Honest About It

Louis DeNaples in 2006 told investigators from the state Gaming Control Board: "To me, black people all look alike."

Eh, it's not really all that much different from John Street asking if a dead Frank Sinatra would make a campaign appearance for him.

Street 'wouldn't recognize' big donor [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The 76ers Also Play Basketball, Kinda

The 76ers are may not have Allen Iverson anymore, but they certainly can figure out a way to promote attending a game at the Wachovia Center! Comcast apparently wants you to go to the game and spill your food all over the floor so you'll have to buy more. You also get to meet the Sixers Dancers with this "Guys Night Out" package, which means it's only a matter of time before the PR team is setting them up as escorts if Sixers' attendance continues to be 27th in the NBA.

Or, you know, the team could just continue to win by 43, like they did last night. But then they might have to advertise the basketball, which is not mentioned in this ad at all.

Posted by D-Mac at 11:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Man Commits Sin In Church

Thomas G. Findler, 42, was arrested after a sexton caught him looking at porn on the Episcopalian nun's computer. Then, for some reason, he chased him out of the building.

The suspect had been logging on overnight to “hotyoungteens” and other fetish Web sites in a nun’s office at Grace St. Paul Episcopal Church (3715 East State Street), according to police and the maintenance man.

John Jones, the 35-year-old sexton (maintenance man) at Grace St. Paul, said he flushed out the intruder upon arriving at work about 8:30 a.m. yesterday.

“He said he was just looking at the computer,” Jones said, “but he was looking at porn.”

“He started running out the side exit door, and it just so happens there was a cop parked right across the street,” said Jones, who hailed the officer.

Findler, who’s single, got into his Toyota Camry and tried to flee when Burnett charged up with his pistol drawn and ordered the man to cut the engine, according to Jones. Jones, a husky 270 pounds, said he experienced no fear upon encountering the short, bearded intruder, who stands about 5-foot-10 and weighs 150 pounds.

“He looked like any ordinary person you’d see on the street everyday,” the sexton said.

Really? Ordinary people look at porn! Well I never.

Still, looking at porn on a nun's computer has to be one of the strangest fetishes I've ever heard. Certainly worthy of drawing a weapon over.

Cops say State Police employee viewed porn in God's house [Trentonian]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:20 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

A.C. Councilman To Be Just Visiting

A Press of Atlantic City article yesterday detailed just what Councilman Tim Mancuso was doing at the time of the alleged drunk driving:

Mancuso was arrested after celebrating the jailing of a rival who had just been charged in connection with the 2006 blackmail taping of fellow Councilman Gene Robinson. It remains unclear what he was doing on the beach in his city-issued vehicle at about 2:20 a.m., and who he was with.

Atlantic City should just be ruled by a king or czar or something; it would probably be much better for everyone. Mancuso's lawyer says the Breathalyzer results aren't his client's -- somehow -- and that politicians are allowed to break the law and drive on the beach. In a shocker, Mancuso was re-elected last November.

Meanwhile, a rookie cop in Millville got into an argument with his wife and she fired his gun. He's been suspended.

DWI charges against Atlantic City councilman may be dismissed [Press of AC]
Tuesday: Getting Away With Driving On The Beach

Posted by D-Mac at 10:13 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

The Onion For The Win

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Exactly one year to the day after Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro was tragically taken from us before his time, an apparition of the beloved racehorse appeared in the morning sky to teach Americans from all walks of life about the true meaning of Barbaro Day.

The awestruck populace listened in rapt attention to the words of the great horse's spirit as he urged the people to remove their metaphorical blinders and open their eyes to the world around them; to never put too much weight on their sesamoid and long pastern bones; and to remember that Barbaro Day is not just the day that Barbaro died, but the day that human beings learned to put their differences aside and treat one another as they would want a 1,200-pound racehorse to be treated.

Ghost Of Barbaro Appears To Teach Nation True Meaning Of Barbaro Day [The Onion]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:29 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Michael Smerconish: "Well, everybody's 'crazy' in their belief. Which means - and this was the point of the column - nobody's crazy." Uhh, Mike? You know, I don't think those two sentences follow each other.

Jill Porter: Hey, maybe it's good that the police and the community get along. Now if we can just get more KKK posters in the narcotics department, maybe the cops and drug addicts can hold hands and sing "Kumbaya."

Posted by D-Mac at 08:40 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The Mayor Has Forgotten How To Drive

Surrounded by local mascots, Nutter drove the [hybrid] car a few yards on the bridge between the Main Hall and Grand Hall, to promote Saturday's opening of the show.

He says that as as mayor, he doesn't get the chance to drive himself much anymore: "What I'd really like to do is just kind of go up and back for the rest of the afternoon and really test my driving skills."

Come on, Mike! You have many, many more years of being chauffeured around town; by the end of your term(s) you won't even remember where the turn signals are. All that info's going to be pushed out of your brain anyway. Driving up and back a few yards isn't going to do much.

Mayor Nutter Eyes Preparations for Upcoming Auto Show [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 08:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 30, 2008

Alycia's Backers Take Page From Ron Paul's

Alycia Lane's defenders have hit the Internet, and you'd think she's like Ron Paulbaro or something:

JC said:

I think that everyone needs to mind their own business and stop riding this lady. Probably most people reading this have much more to hide than her, except for the fact that no one cares about what's going on with you like they do with Miss. Lane.

InternationalGiant said:
Calling this well-educated, attractive, news person names is typical "Philly-ignorant". You probably have much more to hide than Miss. Lane, except for the fact that no cares if YOU live or die.

I can't speak for Dan Gross, but I know plenty of people want me dead.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:45 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack

Leftovers: Let The Sparks Fly

• In an effort to appeal to losers promote an exhibit at the Franklin Institute, Star Wars is on TransPasses next month. [SEPTA Watch]

• The state is expected to kick in $45 million for a soccer stadium, which means FC 1776 could be playing in beautiful Chester sooner rather than later. [Delco Times via The 700 Level]

• American Journalism Review writes about the life and times of Joe Sixpack, with an additional hilarious quote from ex-DN editor Zack Stalberg: "Risk-taking is in the DNA of the Daily News." I remind you last year the paper wouldn't run a mention of a sign making fun of Anna Nicole Smith at a college basketball game. [AJR]

• Pennsylvania is taking on online auctioneers by prosecuting a woman who sold things on eBay to help her sick daughter. Good job, bureaucrats. [Inky]

• Bucks County took auditions the other day for a viral video campaign where people pretended to be modern day George and Martha Washingtons. George Washington was born in Bucks County. No, wait, no he wasn't. [Philly EDGE]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:00 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Oppressed Minority To Sue CBS 3

Lane and attorney Rosen have also asked for any documents or personnel files pertaining to the firing by CBS3 of "any other anchor or reporter of Latina descent, African-American descent or the descent of any other minority group." Could Lane, dubbed the "Latina Bombshell" by the People Paper's Stu Bykofsky in 2003, be playing the race card?

Any other minority group, eh? I knew the unfair termination of Chief Halftown would come back to bite CBS 3 in the ass one day.

Alycia Lane files court papers against CBS3 [Phillygossip]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:37 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

Fumo Bravely Stands Up For Closed Records

But guess who voted against it?

The rules committee voted 14-1 to approve this version overhauling the records bill. Sen. Vincent Fumo, a Philadelphia Democrat, was the lone dissenting vote.

It's okay, Vince. You could simply keep everything private by saying it's all trade secrets related to alpaca farming or maybe the Seaport Museum, the city's most important cultural landmark. You may remember a similar lone dissenting vote was cast by everyone's favorite state rep last year.

Proposal would presume most records open [BCCT]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:21 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

'I'm Stephen A. Smith, Bitch!'

Wait, does anyone care about anything even remotely related to Stephen A. Smith anymore?

Good, that's what I thought. Geezus, at least that other ESPN lady got drunk and somehow got suspended for offending people at a roast.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming of things not related to Stephen A. Smith.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:29 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Validation That Your Life Sucks

How miserable is Philly? The residents of the City of Brotherly Love once booed Santa Claus and pelted him with snowballs at an Eagles game. Maybe it's the long commutes, violent crime and plethora of toxic waste sites that has people grumpy. Philadelphia scored in the top 20 in all three areas.

Zzzzzzzzz... oh, I'm sorry, I've read "booed Santa Claus" so many times that my brain automatically shuts down when I see it. Anyway, the most miserable city in the country is Detroit, and number three is Flint. Eat it, Michigan, we're way better than you! Meanwhile, Forbes' plan to get people to write about them has worked again with another stupid list.

America's Most Miserable Cities [Forbes]
[Image via]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:05 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

Commish's Crime Plan Costs 25 Cents

He wants more cops on the street, fewer homicides, lawful stop-and-frisk techniques in high-crime areas. He also wants to work with the community. (Here's a summary, .pdf format.) And, in case you're wondering, Segways are mentioned. Yes!

There are also charts and graphs, which you can see from my (slightly edited) copy of a pie-chart at right. If Pac-Man can just eat enough of those big pellets and chase down flashing blue homicide suspects, maybe we can have a crime reduction in this city after all.

PPD's Crime-Fighting Strategy, .pdf

Posted by D-Mac at 12:08 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

'He Has Really Made My Life A Living Hell'

This is pretty much the conclusion you can draw from the unintentionally hilarious Domelights thread on the cop who had white power posters in his locker. Philebrity posted some gems yesterday, but since then I think it's only gotten better, somehow.

First, some background: Earlier this week, the story broke about a narcotics officer under investigation for having a poster that said "blue by day, white by night" in his locker. Today the Daily News adds some more details: It was actually two stickers, one with the cop/KKK slogan and another simply saying "White Power." The DN story even references the album cover I posted yesterday (and with this post): "For example, an anarchist punk band called MDC, sometimes calling itself 'Millions of Dead Cops,' used a version of the image on an album in the 1980s."

The officer, Scott Schweizer, says the stickers were placed on the outside of his locker as a practical joke and he simply moved them inside instead of throwing them out or something sensible.

But it's really the Domelights board where the fun comes out. For example:

THE FIRST THING BILAL NEEDS TO DO IS CUT HER MUSTACH OFF, SHE REMINDS US OF A BLACK MAN WHO USES THE EXCUSE THEY CAN'T SHAVE. BILAL NEVER DID ANYTHING IN HER CAREER BUT COMPLAIN, SHE IS A RACIST HERSELF. BILAL IS THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF A THUG COP THIS CITY HIRES. CHECK THIS OUT WHAT IF THE WHITES HAD A "WHITE ENTERTAINMENT NETWORK, OR THE WHITE MUSIC AWARDS, THE WHITE PAGEANT, WHAT ABOUT A MILLION MAN WHITE MARCH, WOULD THE WHITES BE ABLE TO GET AWAY WITH IT, PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT, BILAL MAKES AS MUCH SENSE AS THE KKK PICTURE ON HIS LOCKER ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

The KKK poster is compared to a picture of Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson multiple times, it's mentioned how the Irish, Jews and Italians were also slaves and other stupid arguments you've heard a million times. There's also this:

Well how come nobody made a big stink when the mayor had stated that finally this city is being run by the brothers and sisters.

If you're not familiar, one time at a gathering of black people John Street said black people were running the city. That simple moment of pandering has become so well-known that when the Earth is blowing up because of President McCain's 150 more wars and there are only nuclear zombie mutants roaming the planet, the ones in Philadelphia will be complaining about "the brothers and sisters are running the city."

Some people post to defend Schweizer, the one saying he thought he was a racist but it didn't affect his police work. The other defends him but also writes, "Ive known Scott for about 5 yrs now and he has really made my life a living hell with his lies and rumours about me, and with every lowdown thing he has done, Im still giving him the benefit of the doubt."

A lot of the ire on the board is directed at Rochelle Bilal, head of the Guardian Civic League, and advocacy group for the police force's 3,000. And why not, with hilarious statements like this!

"We are appalled by that type of material on city property and on or in somebody's locker. However it got there, it still was on the property. As for a practical joke, we African-Americans are not laughing."

I don't care if the person who wrote that a photo of Al Sharpton is the same as a KKK poster is being serious or is actually a police officer. It's hilarious either way, as is "we African-Americans are not laughing."

Anyway, once this poster situation is cleared up racism will be eliminated from the Philadelphia Police Department -- nay, in Philadelphia as a whole.

Posted by D-Mac at 11:52 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

Body Parts Strewn About NE Pa.

And, hey, other workers and cops and anybody near the highways got to join it on the fun, too, as body parts were found in multiple counties in Northeastern Pennsylvania along I-80 like it was a scene out of that movie where the guy tries to get his body parts back or something. (I dunno, I've only seen the box at the video store.)

"At this point, no, we are not comfortable we have found all the pieces. We have certainly done a search of Interstate 80 in Monroe, Carbon, Luzerne and Columbia counties. Again, could something be dumped down the side, certainly," state police Lt. Robert Bartal said.

In case you have the intelligence of a turnip and weren't sure, police are treating this as a homicide. If you check out NBC 10's slideshow of the area, you will also note that Thursday night at 11 there will be "sexpert tips" on the news. Bah.

Body Parts Found In Bags Along Northeastern Pa. Highways [NBC 10]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:19 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Abridged Daily News Columnists

John Baer: Ha ha ha Rudy Guiliani won't even come close to being president. His failure makes me feel better about the world.

Phil Goldsmith: I have no idea what this column is about. The Inquirer's homicide box? How we shouldn't let Michael Nutter be corrupt? Stock quotes?

Posted by D-Mac at 09:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Float To Work Today On A Gust Of Wind

But fear not, sports fans! Although it's 48 degrees out right now, we Philadelphians are facing up to 45 mph wind gusts this afternoon. According to Phillyweather.net, these kinds of weather systems -- short systems of rain coupled with high winds, though that's oversimplifying it -- are called bowling ball lows and we usually don't get them until later in the year.

We're going to get another on Friday, but the temperatures will be too high to bring even freezing rain or sleet to anywhere but the usual "north and west of the city." Best not to even try to bring your umbrella out with the high winds; just zip up that old Charlotte Hornets Starter jacket and brave the elements yourself.

Sunday's supposed to be gorgeous.

Today's weather: From mild to wild [Inquirer]
Bowling Season Is A Bit Early [Phillyweather.net]

Posted by D-Mac at 08:30 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

January 29, 2008

Leftovers: !()#$&*@$(OI(&@#(@&

• Oh, I linked it but didn't write it here, so let's do it now: Barbaro will be laid to rest at Churchill Downs in Kentucky. Not if somebody steals his ashes first. Not that I'm encouraging you to do that. [KYW 1060]

• Meanwhile, today is the Florida primary, and Ron Paul doesn't have much of a shot. (He could, in theory, beat Rudy Guiliani, which would be the funniest thing ever.) But Paul is poised to do well in Maine. He'll also do well in Kentucky, where he can ride Zombie Barbaro to victory. [National Ledger]

• Bil DeWeese is under investigation for something I don't care to learn about, but he's still going to help Pennsylvania do pretty much everything Asked if he was going to step down or what would make him step down: "No, I have not. In fact, I have not contemplated the second phase of the question. We’re working very aggressively on property taxes, and health care reform, and a smoke-free Pennsylvania and energy, and I’m looking forward to the next question." [KYW 1060]

• Members of the Drexel club hockey team -- the report says "intramural" but why would they be at Penn State then? -- allegedly trashed a hotel room up at State College and if they caused more than $5k in damage it's a felony. Huzzah. [NBC 10]

Posted by D-Mac at 05:00 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

The Best Sentence You'll Read All Day

Police did not say how many mailboxes were damaged.

Moorestown police charge bridge commission chairman with driving while intoxicated [Burlington County Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Getting Away With Driving On The Beach

Take City Councilman Tim Mancuso. He was arrested on April 21, 2007, for allegedly driving a city-owned vehicle on the beach. Oh, and Mancuso was drunk, cops said; he was charged with DWI, reckless driving and driving on the beach without a permit. But now it looks like the charges will be dropped. Why? Because Atlantic City simply won't provide discovery information.

While the case was moved to Cape May since Mancuso is a City Councilman, the city has simply refused to provide discovery info and nobody has any idea why. Mancuso's defense attorney asked for a dismissal, which the judge says he'll most likely do in 45 days if there's still no discovery.

"It appears the people in Atlantic City are not complying and assisting the prosecutor," the judge said. "Somehow it's not being produced, and I don't know why. It appears someone is passing the buck." AC is so awesome; if they add sports gambling I'm spending all my time there.

Atlantic City's inaction may force court to dismiss DUI charges against councilman [Press of Atlantic City]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:05 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Everyone Lining Up To Run Against Fumo

Daulerio's source sums it up this way: If Fumo wins the primary, he could drop out after it and essentially handpick his successor. Johnny Doc could swoop in and take the senate seat from the 30-year vet and then he could have all the alpacas he wanted. If only it was Pennsylvania and not New Jersey where alpaca farming is booming, maybe everyone could get along and vacuum up alpaca hair in peace.

Also: Dammit, I missed Larry West's auction for a signed print of a drawing of Pamela Anderson!

Update: It's confirmed! And here's his hilarious quote! "My family’s been living in this area for 100 years. At one time, I had 11 aunts and uncles in one house, that same house I raised my daughter."

BREAKING: Johnny Doc Considering Run for Fumo’s Seat [The Daily Examiner]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:17 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

What An Alleged Pa. Murderer Looks Like

Do you think the lion slippers roar when you walk?

Meanwhile, in Pittsburgh, a woman put her son in a dog crate after she said he laced her drink with lamp oil and household cleaner. She also threatened to bury him alive!

Allentown man charged in two homicides [Morning Call via Brad and Wonkette]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:49 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Let Us Now All Honor Barbaro

It was one year ago today that Barbaro, the horse people saw win a race on teevee once, was euthanized after breaking his leg entertaining rich people. Despite being dead, the soon-to-be-canonized noble steed healed several sick children just last week and also won the lottery. John McCain is considering him for the VP slot. Thanks to Barbaro, horses who race around an oval track no longer die all the time, global warming has been reversed and poverty has ended.

Thank you, Barbaro, for gracing us with your presence, if only for a short time. I don't think it's any coincidence that your mission only lasted three years.

A Lasting Peace [Daily News]
Barbaro's Legacy [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:12 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Inquirer Narcs On Temple Puppy Auction

And guess who won the auction? Temple women's basketball coach Dawn Staley, hardly a Michael Vick of the sports world. She's going to give it to her mother, and something tells me Dawn Staley's mom might have enough time and money to care for the dog and give it a good home. Clearly, this is a win-win for all people.

But wait! The Inquirer was having none of this, and seemingly notified the authorities (or at least Temple) about the puppy auction. Even though the state is the puppy mill capital of the United States, auctioning off a dog is apparently illegal in Pennsylvania.

Anyway, the story has quotes worrying about how a college student could care for a dog, even though it was adopted by a multi-millionaire athlete. Yes, one shouldn't purchase a pet on a whim, but winning one at an auction and buying one in a pet store are pretty much the same thing, only the legal pet store option is much, much worse.

Temple could get fined for auctioning off said nine-week old adorable puppy. The Inquirer will get fined for using a record number of puns (345) in one news story. The puppy will probably get a bone or something.

Puppy auction buys Temple a little spot of trouble [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:45 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Dude Looks Like A Lady

We can only hope he will go on a slew of crimes and become the newest media meme to travel through the local press. The Cross-Dressing Bandit apparently takes his cues from Barry Bonds, and also carried a purse/man bag in order to really sell the robbery. But what if this is just a really ugly woman and not a dude in drag?

Man dressed as woman robs bank [6 ABC]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:51 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Klan Poster Found In Officer's Locker

And now the story: The police department is investigating an officer who had a poster that said "Blue by day, White by night" in his locker. He wasn't a Penn State fan; this was a poster symbolizing a cop by day and a Klan member by night.

Scott Schweizer says the poster wasn't his -- again, white supremacists are pretty stupid by definition, but could this guy be dumb enough to bring a Klan poster into work? -- and he's been moved from undercover narcotics to a desk job at the Roundhouse. Investigators are now exploring whether this little good old fashioned police racism is limited to just this poster; the new commish says it looks like it's just limited to this one officer.

The Daily News reports Schweizer "has arrested countless drug suspects in predominantly African-American neighborhoods." By the way, 78 percent of those arrested for marijuana offenses in Philly in 2006 were black.

Cop probed over racist poster [Daily News]
[Img via some hardcore website]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:00 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Fatimah Ali: One week, it's "Bill Clinton killed Vince Foster." Today, The Secret. Bahahaha.

Deborah Leavy: Oh, wah wah, Bill Clinton has "denigrated the 'office' of ex-president." You know, I worry more about when people denigrate the office of president.

Elmer Smith: Oh, the Kennedys (Kennedies?) endorsed Barack Obama, he's the new JFK, etc.

Ronnie Polaneczky: Yeah, if you're in the area, go congratulate some security guards for some reason.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:09 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

OMG Hai Kids Here's A New Show!

On Saturday, 6 ABC debuted its new show aimed at teenagers, called IMphilly. I'm not sure why Philly is lowercase in the title, but who knows. Basically, the show is Rick Williams in a leather jacket talking to teenagers; there are a few teen-oriented features, including one in the first episode about Redskins QB Mark Brunell's daughter for some reason.

So.. yeah. A regular stupid boring teen show, and not even any YouTube moments. You will note, of course, that all the teen panelists are from the suburbs.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:15 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

January 28, 2008

Hey, Bonnie's Back!

By duo, of course, I mean Jocelyn Kirsch's breasts, since she was really the only one anybody cared to read about. (The dude's name was Eddie or something.) Anyway, Jocelyn Kirsch is back in a new Daily News article by apparent Jocelyn Kirsch beat reporter Regina Medina; turns out she had a former boyfriend who thought he loved her, but it turns out she lied to him and treated him poorly. And she cheated on him! Jocelyn Kirsch is now every girl in America. (No offense, fairer sex.) Did she break up with him via email, too?

The ex-boyfriend, Jayson Verdibello, also wrote a pair of songs for her; I was kind of hoping we'd get MP3 files, but instead all we get are lyrics like "I can't deny the curves of your body/ Or all the words you leave inside my lips/ How can I say all the words I want to/ When you paint the world in different hues of you?"

But back to the story, where hilarity abounds.

Initially, when Verdibello read the news, almost a year to the day since they broke up, he thought her arrest was "ultimate poetic justice."

Certain moments, he said, begin to make sense, such as when the two were cuddling in bed while she typed a text message. He saw the words from over her shoulder: "Ah, my cute capitalist," believing the message was for her tutor. When he questioned her, "she completely chewed me out."

Some moments don't make sense. Kirsch told him while he was in London that she was a bar manager at Zee Bar, a private after-hours club, and worked until 2 a.m. Buffy Varanese, the club's marketing director, said, "She never worked for Zee Bar and we do not have a bar-manager position."

And the text message she sent saying, "I'm really sorry about all of this, I love you, I don't want you to think any less of me, I really care about you." Kirsch was in the airport, headed to Paris to meet her older brother in the military. (Her older brother isn't serving and wasn't in Paris.) Verdibello found out later she was with Anderton [aka Clyde] when the text was sent. That is "fucked up," he said.

In summary, the girl who allegedly stole over 100 grand with her boyfriend also was a jerk to some other boy she dated. The DN says she'll be back in court Feb. 12, which means I need to get a Valentine's Day card to give her when she's in town.

Also: What separates ultimate poetic justice from regular poetic justice? Is there some sort of way to measure it?

An old flame speaks [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:43 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Commerce Bank Finally Robbed Again

Phew, I say. It had apparently hadn't been robbed since 2004; the branch was robbed eight times between 1996 and 2004. (It was also robbed twice in one week in April of '03.) No word on what led to the four-year drought of robberies at Commerce Bank, but, finally, the fabled Curse of the No Bank Robberies On Penn's Campus is over.

News Brief: Commerce Bank on campus robbed [DP]
Busy Commerce Bank a robbery target [DP]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:30 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

It Could Be Worse. Much Worse.

Happy it's not 1936? I am, of course, because back in the pre-Internet days I'd have to do something a little more respectable than blogger, like begging on a street corner. But, sports fans, it appears 1936 (and 1940) were not the best times for Philadelphians root, root, rooting for the home team as well. Ex-Inquirer reporter Jayson Stark summarized the worst years for cities in combined baseball/football records (I think this is behind a paywall; sorry). Philadelphia actually leads the list with a pair of trifectas of last place finishes.

Philly also had all four major pro sports teams go to the finals in the 1980 season, but naturally managed to lose three of those. The more I look back at the 1980 Phillies' World Series win, the stranger it looks to me.

Posted by D-Mac at 12:42 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Jimmy Rollins' Mom A Lot Like Mine

"I'd like to thank my parents -- my dad for taking the line drives off the elbow and my mom for teaching me how to talk trash," he said.

Aw, Mrs. Rollins totally helped out her son the same way my mom helped out me. Unfortunately for me, I happened to be good at cross country, a sport where you have to talk trash while breathing heavily. It's just not the same.

Damon honored by writers group for work with wounded soldiers [AP/ESPN.com]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Ed Rendell: Cheat On Your Taxes

(Rendell): “We don’t quite enforce in the neighborhood taverns as well as we do in the big hotels and restaurants.”

(Host): “You look the other way, sir?”
(Rendell): “Umm, you can say that.”

Everyone had a good laugh about the governor's plan to let people cheat on their taxes out in Pittsburgh, except for the Nutter administration, which had to remind people not to cheat. The governor apparently meant that they just go after the delinquent hotels and restaurants first, because they have larger tax bills.

In other news, people didn't know how to cheat on their taxes until the governor told them to, so Pennsylvania is full of morons. Maybe if we all cheat on our state taxes enough they'll reduce the size of the legislature!

Rendell Tweaks Remarks About City's Drink Tax [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:12 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Karl Rove To Address, Uh, Penn Kids

Yes, Turd Blossom himself will be at the Irvine Auditorium on Feb. 20 as the "Social Planning and Events Committee Connaissance spring keynote speaker," which is something Penn probably had when I went there but I never knew what it was, and still don't. It's amazing that the fall keynote speaker was someone who had actually done more damage to our country than Rove (Whoopi Goldberg).

Anyway, the head of the Penn Democrats is disappointed they didn't bring in a speaker currently on the campaign trail, because that's practical.

"He's clearly very divisive, but it's disappointing that he's not Mitt Romney or Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton," said Wharton junior and Penn Democrats President Clayton Robinson, who said he would be interested in attending the event.

Yes, the head of the Penn Democrats really wants Mitt Romney to come to Penn. Maybe he has some gold tablets he needs translated. Ha ha, gold tablets, Mitt Romney is a Mormon, get it?

White House 'architect' Karl Rove to speak at Penn [DP]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:40 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

KYW 1060 Runs 10-Year-Old Story

Yes, KYW 1060 reports the nation's oldest black newspaper (neat!) and lover of press parking now has an e-dition, which is a Flash applet that loads images of the newspaper as it looks in print. (It doesn't mean they're just finally putting the newspaper online, since they already have a website.) But, look, with this new edition you can read stories online:

The Philadelphia Tribune publisher Robert Bogle calls it a good opportunity - an E-Edition or electronic edition of the nation's oldest and the region's largest African American newspaper: “If you see an article or story that you like, you can click it and it will be magnified for you. The same for an advertiser, this definitely has a significant benefit for our advertisers.”

Oh my God, soon they're going to tell me I'll be able to update a website using a simple form I can access from my browser and it will go up right on the front page in reverse chronological order!

Phila. Tribune to Offer Online Edition [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:51 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Kumar Goes To West Philly

Penn, whose name is actually Kalpen Modi, is an adjunct professor for this semester only in a class called ASAM 109: Asian Americans in the Media. And, uh, he seems pretty on the ball.

"I would love for them to independently think about imagery beyond the concept of race - to be able to look at and deconstruct certain images that we're taught to think of in a certain context and understand why they're so significant," he said. "We all watch movies, and there's a significance to those movies beyond entertainment that I hope the students are able to recognize after this class."

Naturally, the students will be viewing Harold & Kumar for the class. If things work out for me, one day I will be teaching a class at Penn showing the same film, along with the entire Cheech & Chong series, How High and that scene from Scary Movie 2 where the giant pot plant smokes one of the Wayans brothers. Just 'cuz, you know, it'd be pretty cool to teach a class titled Marijuana & Cinema at an Ivy League school.

Prof. Kumar calls class into session [Daily Pennsylvanian]
[Photo via DP/Matt "Buddy" Cianfrani]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Stu Bykofsky: Paris Hilton sex tape jokes, fresh for 2008!

John Baer: Boy, things sure are tough for John Perzel, with things named after him, his millions of dollars and his job in Harrisburg.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:45 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 27, 2008

Lane, Booker Make Out On Dance Floor

BREAKING ALYCIA LANE NEWS MUST CREDIT PWD SIREN.GIF!!!

It appears noted Philadelphia power couple BookerLane are back in Philly and are... well, they are like 17 year sold, since they're hanging out in Manayunk. I'll let a Philadelphia Will Do I-Reporter explain via text message:

• I'm at Grape Street Pub, No Code a Pearl Jam cover band is playing, and I'm standing in front of Chris Booker and Alycia Lane, and she hasn't hit anyone, yet
• She drinks vodka cranberry or something equally girly
• O, they won't stop making out, fuckers

After the jump, a Philadelphia Will Do bounty.

Ha ha, I have readers who go to Grape Street Pub. For a Pearl Jam cover band! Did they play "State of Love and Trust"? I love that song; I did it at karaoke the other day.

Anyway, did you see that? Chris Booker and Alycia Lane were making out on the dance floor. Since this was a pretty public event, I have to assume there are some high-quality camera phone snaps of Ms. Lane and her beau on the dance floor. If someone can get me an exclusive shot of them -- well, exclusive for 15 seconds, but you know what I mean -- on the dance floor making out, it's $50 out of my pocket, no questions asked. This offer only good for the next ... I dunno, whatever. Just somebody get me a photo of that. (No, you don't get anything extra for getting a photo of my girlfriend and I making out on the dance floor of The Barbary.)

Chop chop, people!

Update, noon-ish: Ha ha, just kidding, you guys will give me that photo and do it for free! Now chop chop.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:15 AM | Comments (12) | TrackBack

January 25, 2008

Bizarre Sex, Chess Matches

• In Westmoreland County, Pa., a chess game led to a man threatening to kill himself and shot someone in the ensuing scuffle. Alcohol was involved, the sun came up today, etc.

• Meanwhile, a York County woman died during what CBS 3 calls a "shocking sex act." Har, har. She was electrocuted!

Police charging documents say Toby Taylor first said