September 18, 2007

Wretched Refuse Of Your Teeming Shore, Indeed

The Inquirer's long profile of longshot Republican mayoral candidate Al Taubenberger contained an interesting tidbit about his family's past:

Alfred Sr., who came to America in 1930, was detained in 1941 for almost 18 months at Army bases in New Jersey, Maryland, Texas and North Dakota.

Taubenberger made the discovery while applying for visas for a family trip to Germany. His father hadn't told him "because he never wanted me to have a bad feeling about this country, which he loved so much."

He loved this nation that locked him up without cause for 1 1/2 years. God bless America!

Uphill climb for Taubenberger [Inquirer]

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August 20, 2007

Al Taubenberger Views Mayoral Race As T-Ball Game

Republican mayoral candidate Al Taubenberger, on his uphill battle for the mayoral nomination:

"I don't think any Republican nominee in a long time has had as much fun as I have," he said.

Well, I'm sure he's having more fun than previous Republican nominee Sam "Party All Night" Katz, whose sense of humor I am familiar with. Hopefully Taubenberger can continue to have fun, and maybe the mayor's race will end in a tie or something. Everybody wins!

Focused on City Hall [The Bulletin]
April 9: Sam Katz Angrily Responds To Idiot Blogger

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August 16, 2007

Taubenberger: Give Me Money Even If You're For Nutter

It may not seem like it, but there are just 82 days left until the mayoral election. It seems like just yesterday Milton Street was announcing his candidacy by singing while draped over a casket, but, yes, we are under three months away from Michael Nutter (D) vs. Al Taubenberger (R).

Everyone knows Nutter already has the mayor's race locked up -- he is, after all, a Democrat in Philadelphia running against a German-speaking ex-landscaper from the party of President Bush -- but that doesn't mean Taubenberger doesn't get a chance to make his bid for mayor. Even if his website is worse than Larry West's or his campaign literature (at right) includes a photo where they didn't even bother to go into the bright light. (Vote for Al Taubenberger: The shadow knows!)

Taubenberger is by all accounts a tremendously nice guy and fairly competent, especially for a Northeast Philly native. (More competent that I am, at least.) Basically, if he were running against John Street, you'd vote for him.

But his website, though. Let's take a look.

You'll notice the flip side of the card. Page 2. Most candidates list issues they believe in. We all believe in the same thing. We want more jobs, (actually, that's my specialty) better schools (we have to raise the bar and demand more from students,) safer streets and honesty in government. As you might have noticed, I didn't list issues. I asked for contributions so I can run TV commercials and do some newspaper ads. I didn't think I'd get much, but I was surprised. I got more than enough to pay for the piece. A lot more. And that's the kind of mayor I want to be. Do more with less.

P.S. Surprise me. Fill out the reverse side of the card and send a few bucks so we can get the word out about the issues that are important to all of us. Send something even if you're for Mike. Worst case possible, he'll hear some great ideas.

"That's the kind of mayor I want to be. No issues, no bullshit, right now I just need your money in order to run the campaign. I'll even take your money if you're voting for Nutter." Hey, he's right, I am loving his honesty.

MayorAl2007
Archives: Al Taubenberger

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July 20, 2007

You Can Call Him Al

While Republican mayoral candidate Al Taubenberger's website remains unchanged since May, he is starting to make some headway in the traditional campaigning front. The Daily News' Clout today reveals Taubenberger's new campaign literature, which features a photo of Al Taubenberger looking like he just got out of bed to do some landscaping (one of his previous jobs) and the catchy slogan, "My name is Al."

He also uses his daughter, Sarah, in the lit. She just graduated from Central -- what, Hubert's was too good for her? -- which means there is going to be a magnet school smackdown by the time election day rolls around. (Olivia Nutter goes to Masterman. Did Larry West go to GAMP or CAPA?)

Anyway, kudos to Al for avoiding the "You can call me Al" slogan, if only because it lowers the chances we will have to hear that god-awful song during the campaign.

His media advisor, Elliott Curson, says there probably won't be any TV ads and that "[w]e'll be doing stuff and we're gonna have fun. I want people to say he'd be a decent mayor even if they don't vote for him." Whoo! This is the friendliest mayor's race ever.

Clout | So let's give a warm Philly welcome to Al [Daily News]
May 24: Mayor Al Dabbling In Poetry

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June 05, 2007

Larry West Has A Wikipedia Page

In the "criticism" section:

On an article written by Daniel McQuade, a writer for Philadelphia Weekly for the Philadelphia Will Do blog, he wrote, "It's becoming more and more apparent Larry West is an art-school prank or perhaps the new host of Punk'd."

For the record, Philadelphia Will Do is 100 percent in favor of Larry West's candidacy. I will be sad when Larry's Wikipedia page is nominated for deletion.

Larry West [Wikipedia]

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June 04, 2007

The Friendly Mayor's Race

We all know how it really works: Michael Nutter won the mayor's race on May 15. The democrat has no chance of being beaten by Al Taubenberger (or, for that matter, ineligible candidate Larry West), unless pictures of Nutter with a dromedary that is not his wife surface.

But, of course, we citizens are supposed to pretend that's not the case, because it's nice to keep up the democracy facade, even though only 100,000 people voted for Nutter. (But whatever. The press wanted Nutter to win anyway, right?) But the good thing about the continuation of the mayor's race is that it's going to be the friendliest mayor's race in history. Both Nutter and Taubenberger don't want to attack each other at all.

"I wanted to set the tone of the campaign and make sure it was a positive one," Taubenberger said. Besides pledging to trade oatmeal recipes, he said, "We exchanged phone numbers so we can get a hold of each other very, very quickly" if need be.

I believe these two are going to make the city a happier place to live in. Soon, drug dealers and police will be exchanging oatmeal recipies, and homeless will be breaking bread with Rittenhouse Square residents.

Michael Nutter, reluctant celebrity [Inquirer]

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June 01, 2007

Larry West Continues This Mayoral Thingy

Larry West continues his art-school prank/mayoral candidacy tomorrow with a rally at his own house! West, as you may know, is only 22, making him ineligible to run for mayor. However, he's working to change that with a petition allowing 18-year-olds to run for mayor. (Apparently, in Pennsylvania anyone over the age of 18 can run for elected office. Frankly, I agree. I like to see kids run for elected office and then lose in a landslide.)

The rally at Larry's house -- it's private, sorry folks -- will include punch, pie and music as well as feature a special concert from Larry, featuring Megadeth's "Peace Sells." West says he'll speak at the rally and explain what happened when he tried to ask for the mayoral nomination at the Green Party meeting earlier this week.

I don't know if West has a shot at the mayoral nomination, though I do hope this leads to the other candidates doing concerts of their own. Michael Nutter can DJ as Mix Master Mike and Al Taubenberger can dance and sing (what else) "The Pennsylvania Polka."

Full release after the jump.

Continue reading "Larry West Continues This Mayoral Thingy"

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May 29, 2007

And We Still Have Five More Months Of This

The election isn't over, Philadelphia! That's the message of ineligible mayoral candidate Sanjaya Larry West, who announced today he had joined the Green Party and would seek their mayoral nomination at tomorrow's meeting. It's becoming more and more apparent Larry West is an art-school prank or perhaps the new host of Punk'd.

Apparently Kerry Foster, the presumed Green Party candidate, didn't get the 2/3 vote required to win the mayoral nomination, so Larry West wants to get on the agenda for the Green Party's meeting and then get some party backing for his ineligible mayoral run. "I've been talking to Brian Rudnick, the Green Party Candidate for the 8th Council District, and he really supports this!" Larry's release says he said.

Continue reading "And We Still Have Five More Months Of This"

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May 18, 2007

Ineligible Mayoral Candidate Angry Press Isn't Giving Him Shot

Larry West, the mohawked 22-year-old candidate for mayor who is technically ineligible to run, is positioning himself for his independent mayoral candidacy now that the Democratic primary is over.

But he's also lambasting the press for not giving himself, Republican candidate Al Taubenberger and the ghost of Joseph S. Clark enough of a shot.

You can only imagine how aggravating it is to wake up and see people declaring Nutter "Mayor-Elect"; that, despite the fact the actual mayoral election isn't for another 6 months. All the local media outlets began to join in the chorus, Fox News calling him just that, and all the other stations reminding viewers that Philadelphian's have not elected a non-Democrat in over 50 years. But trust me when I say this, I intend on changing that.

I don't know, Larry. I don't know if I can come up with enough agitprop to make Edward R. Murrow cringe to help you in your campaign. We'll see, though.

Never say never! [Larry West for Mayor Blog]

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May 16, 2007

Mike Nutter: He's Just Like Us!

Here we see Michael Nutter mingling with the common populace at Black Sheep last night after his win. (Of course Nutter goes to Black Sheep. It makes perfect sense, no?) He's apparently mid-dance here, re-enacting the music video for "Thriller."

Perhaps tonight, Nutter will return to Black Sheep and further his "good week" by defeating reigning Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular champions Duane's World.

Nutter Primary Party [Flickr]

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Mr. T To Face Mix Master Mike In Primary

As you may have heard, there was some sort of election last night. And in the Republican mayoral primary, mayoral hopeful Al Taubenberger easily defeated his many, many challengers and will move on to face the Democratic nominee in the November election.

Taubenberger, who the Inquirer notes has an answering machine in Fox Chase as his campaign headquarters, is running an uphill battle, as the Taubenberger is one of only 115 Republicans in the city, and like half of those are pro-lifers who are happy to vote for Democratic candidates for mayor.

Meanwhile, in the other primary, the smart guy outsmarted everybody, which is apparently shocking.

For GOP, an uphill battle begins [Inquirer]
A pugilist's sensibilities score a KO [Inquirer]

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May 15, 2007

Republican Mayoral Candidate Declares Race 'Exciting'

The text of the web site (mayoral2007.com) of Al Taubenberger, running unopposed today for the Republican nomination for mayor, in full:

I'm as curious as you are in who I'll be running against in the Fall.

It's exciting.

We can bring about real change.
We can attract more jobs.
We can have better policing.
We can better fund the arts.
We can stop waste and have a scandal-free government.
There's a lot of things we can do, and I'll be talking about all of them.

Continue reading "Republican Mayoral Candidate Declares Race 'Exciting'"

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Which Rich Guy Will Lead The City For 8 Years?

And here we go.

We've been through Milton Street singing on top of a casket. We've had Bob Brady tell us elephants will return to the zoo in his administration. We've had Tom Knox promise not to show movies at Dilworth Plaza. We've had Dwight Evans ask us not only where the beef is, but also tell us his crime record is beefy.

Michael Nutter told us he'd be opening up a shop to sell Philly-themed merchandise. Chaka Fattah brought out Shaft to attempt to win our votes. Bob Brady didn't know how a pension works. (That's okay, Bob, most of Philadelphia doesn't know what "vested" means either.) Tom Knox didn't know what Gilligan's Island was.

A guy in a shark costume told us not to vote Tom Knox. (He disappeared after Frank Keel got in the way and is presumed dead.) PW told you to vote for the mayor that looks good with a big nose and glasses. Jim Kenney predicted voters would vote for the guy they saw on the teevee most, and he may have been right.

The gay newspaper endorsed Brady. The bilingual one endorsed Knox. Every candidate told us he was just like us! Queena Bass continued to run for mayor while homeless man Jesus White took his first shot at the ballot. People got angry on messageboards and blogs. Websites were trolled. Accusations of racism were flung. These things happen.

Sam Katz told us the mayor's race would be close, then positioned himself for an independent run, then told us it'd be Nutter in a landslide. Sam Katz will be here to kick around for a while.

Fattah told us Mike Nutter had to remind himself he's African-American. (And Milton Street said Nutter was the Watermelon Man.) Somebody told us Knox was a good Catholic while Brady and Nutter didn't go to Catholic church anymore.

After today, it will -- let's pray -- all be over and some rich guy will be in position to lead the city for eight years, unless Al Taubenberger has photos of the eventual winner with a donkey who is not his wife. It might be the union guy or the poverty guy or the smart guy or the really rich guy or the "Who's the beef?" guy.

Hey, look at it this way: It won't be John Street.

It's election day! If you see anything exciting at the polls, notice a news anchor flashing viewers, find a funny campaign sign and/or anything else ridiculous, drop me a line at dmac [AT] philadelphiawilldo [.] com. If the day is exciting enough, I'm hoping youse can do my job for me. Then I can put my feet up.

[.pdf of Milton logo]

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May 11, 2007

Dwight Evans' Best Candidate Comparison Yet

And what a nice group of multicultural children Dwight Evans has helped.

Bob Brady's Education Record -- A Bunch of Nothing! [Evans for Mayor]

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Desperate Fattah Complains About Cartoon Violence

Taking a page from the principle textbook from the Sylvester Johnson School of What's Really Important, Philadelphia mayoral candidate Chaka Fattah just sent an email out complaining about the above cartoon in the Daily News.

Fattah isn't complaining about what you'd think -- "Waah! They made fun of me! And I don't have a blog to whine on!" -- but he's calling the cartoon "offensive," because it trivializes something or other. He also says Nutter's stop-and-frisk plan will search "our sons, daughters, grandchildren, nephews, nieces and neighbors." But not our uncles and aunts! (They can have all the illegal guns they want.)

Fattah's apparently been searching his soul for a way to stop violence, and he's spent his entire career helping children, and to poke fun at him in a cartoon is just awful or something. How dare a satirical cartoonist use her trademark drawing style to comment on the plans of a public official running for office!

Full letter after the jump.

Continue reading "Desperate Fattah Complains About Cartoon Violence"

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May 10, 2007

Nobody Will Help John Street Do Anything

As the anti-Michael Nutter ad begins to air on some TV stations -- there are now two versions of the ad, too! -- the One Step Closer Nü-Metal PAC are beginning to attempt to find funding to keep that ad on the air 'til election day.

Of course, they didn't exactly call on the best person to help. John Street attempted to do some fundraising for the campaign, and here was the result.

Shawn Fordham, a paid consultant to the "527" group and a top adviser to Street, said yesterday that the mayor had made at least three telephone calls "a few days ago," soliciting money for the group, known as One Step Closer.

Street's spokesman, Joe Grace, confirmed that Street had made the fund-raising calls - though Fordham said no one Street had contacted agreed to donate.

Gee, the unpopular mayor -- who most people probably don't even know is still alive -- couldn't get people to donate to an anti-Mike Nutter group? No!

Anti-Nutter group has ties to the mayor [Inquirer]
The edited One Step Closer ad [The Next Mayor Blog]

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Ed Rendell In A Track Suit!

Maybe Dwight Evans needs to use this photo in an ad. I have to imagine there are plenty of people who would vote for him because of a photo from the Broad Street Run with Ed Rendell in a track suit! Plus, isn't that why Evans gained weight? To be more like Ed Rendell?

Broad Street Run with Dwight Evans and Gov. Ed Rendell [Flickr]

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May 09, 2007

Entering Pixelated Photoshops Portion Of Mayor's Race

Thanks to Dwight Evans' newest Photoshop.

DWIGHT EVANS DISCUSSES FATTAH’S AGENDA FOR TAX INCREASES [The Next Mayor Release Archive]
I'm doing everything I can... and stop calling me Shirley [The Next Mayor Blog]

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Dwight Evans Narrowly Holding Off Queena Bass

The latest poll is out, and apparently the electorate has decided it doesn't like Dwight Evans anymore. I mean, if it ever did.

The big news the Daily News is touting is Michael Nutter's surge to the front of the race. Apparently, we white people are all racist!

But the real news in the poll is Dwight Evans' plummeting stature. In the new Daily News/Keystone poll, Evans' is in last with just three percent. Three percent! Did Dwight Evans murder a hooker and I didn't notice? Aren't all the state legislators who endorsed Evans like at least five percent of the voting public?

Only two percent of males surveyed said they were voting for Evans. The total three percent number means about eight people surveyed said they were voting for Evans. Yikes. Dwight Evans doesn't really do much to incite scorn, right?

Evans, though, continues to soldier on in the campaign, continues to, uh, win debates and continues to have virtually no support. His new tactic is saying Mike Nutter's crime record has no sizzle -- "All sizzle! No steak!" -- whereas Dwight Evans has personally saved at-risk youths from a life of crime. Three children who used Dwight Evans' programs went on to become the Boy Wonder, Robin.

Evans is continuing to use the food metaphor with the description of his own record on crime "beefy." He didn't go to Wendy's this time to do it, but hopefully his next campaign stop will be Morton's of Chicago on Walnut Street. I know it's a little pricey, but a trip there would really feed the reporters well and then they'd write nice things. I think this is how it works.

In backstretch, Barbaro Nutter gallops to lead [Daily News]
Keystone Poll, May 2007 [The Next Mayor]
Michael Nutter's Crime Record: All Sizzle, No Steak! [Evans for Mayor]
April 25: Fear And Loathing At Wendy's

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May 08, 2007

Green Party Candidate Wants You To Waste Energy

Brett Mandel and Philadelphia Forward released the "R.E.F.O.R.M. Ballot" today, and the results are pretty confusing, if you look at it a certain way. Dwight Evans hates SEPTA! Jesus White wants to hire his relatives! Fattah likes PGW just the way it is!

But most telling is this question, which I've excerpted below.

Yes, you read that correctly. The only candidate for mayor who does not want to encourage homeowners to use energy efficiently is Kerry Foster of the Green Party.

Vote Summary [R.E.F.O.R.M. Ballot]
Mayor's Race [R.E.F.O.R.M. Ballot]

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Ken Smukler Takes On Knox With Meta Radio Spot

The ad Tom Knox got banned from TV last week is back, baby! Only this time it's on the radio and features a weird meta-discussion of Tom Knox threatening to sue TV stations who aired the ad as well as an extended discussion of the term "credit heroin."

It's titled, apparently, "Jaws II."

"Jaws II"

So, ah, ha. I love the fadeout at the end. And, hey, see, Tom Knox isn't a drug dealer! I do think the "loan shark" thing is starting to get a little overplayed, though. Aren't there any other animals these anti-Knox guys can anthropomorphize and compare Knox too? Maybe a tiger who eats the arms off the poor or something?

If you don't have audio the transcript/release is after the jump.

Continue reading "Ken Smukler Takes On Knox With Meta Radio Spot"

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Tom Knox Really Racking Up The Endorsements

Who's endorsing whom? [The Next Mayor]

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May 07, 2007

Barack Obama Goes All Out (Well, Sends An Email He May Have Written) For Chaka Fattah

Barack Obama and Chaka Fattah are allies in the Joint Commission of Fellas With Unusual Names. And, as such, today Barry Hussein Obama sent out a letter in support of the mayoral candidate:

Dear Friend,

In eight short days, you have the chance to put my friend, Chaka Fattah, on the path to becoming Philadelphia's next Mayor.

But to make it happen, Chaka needs your financial support - today. Please click here to send your contribution of $500, $100, $50, or $25 right away, so Chaka can get his message to voters in this crucial final week before the May 15th election.

All his life, Chaka has been a true champion for Philadelphia's neighborhoods.

When blood stained the streets of his community in the 1960s and 1970s, Chaka shared his home with neighborhood teens that his family had convinced to reject gangs and turn around their lives.

In 25 years of public service on the local and national levels, Chaka has never forgotten his early life lesson: the key to breaking the grip of violence in our most hard-pressed communities is to replace desperation with hope.

That last section is bolded in the letter, too, as Barack Obama attempts to confuse people into thinking Fattah wrote The Audacity of Hope, and therefore voting for him. (Fattah, not Obama.)

Full letter after the jump.

Continue reading "Barack Obama Goes All Out (Well, Sends An Email He May Have Written) For Chaka Fattah"

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May 04, 2007

Sharks Vunerable To Excessive Heat

Since the infamous Tommy the Loan Shark-turned-Frank Keel press conference, there hasn't been much of Tommy seen around the city.

Where has he been? Was Frank Keel really correct, and he's a Pagan motorcycle gang member from South Jersey? Did he die? Did Tom Knox capture him?

Gar Joseph has all the answers.

The Shark does not speak, but his bullhorn-equipped sidekick, Jim Nixon, does. Nixon denied Keel's accusations and called him a thug for John Dougherty, head of Local 98 of the electricians union, who's leaning toward Knox.

Nixon claims to be a humble grad student who dogs Knox on his own, for free.

Keel is pretty scary, but we don't think he'd scare a shark. So we called Nixon. Tommy the Loan Shark hasn't been around "because he's been busy with final exams," Nixon said.

Hmm. Maybe the Pagan motorcycle gang takes classes at CCP or something. But there's another reason, too. Nixon says it's gotten hot enough that wearing the shark costume is pretty much impossible for whoever's inside it. So there you have it: Tommy the Loan Shark is nowhere near as tough as the Phillie Phanatic.

Also in his article, Joseph writes about how John Street encouraged people to commit fraud, but whatever.

A shark or a minnow? [Daily News, 3rd item]

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May 03, 2007

Jannie Blackwell's Mother Cried, Too

Jannie Blackwell and Tom Knox officially formed their alliance yesterday, launching plans from the Hall of Justice to fight Lex Luthor, The Riddler and the lesser-known Gorilla Grodd.

Actually, they announced their partnership and mutual support at the Lucien E. Blackwell Homes, named after Jannie's late husband.

Why are the two partners? Tom says his ticket is comprised of people who want to end "pay-to-play" in City Hall, but there's another reason, too.

Blackwell conceded they lack a long-term relationship, though both grew up in public housing. "In fact that's what makes it the better," she said of their new political alliance. [...]

Asked whether theirs was a marriage of convenience in order to help Knox get African-American votes and Blackwell attain the Council presidency, Knox said: "That's not true. I have more black votes than two of the black candidates combined."

Blackwell responded: "Convenience is OK. It's all right. Any way it comes is all right. My people will support Tom Knox."

Irony is dead.

As such, any possibly successful idea is picked up on by the other candidates, and Dwight Evans announced the Public Housing Authority's endorsement of him at Abbotsford Homes -- where Tom Knox grew up.

Knox, Blackwell form an alliance [Inquirer]
Oh, snap! [The Next Mayor Blog]
Tuesday: Knox Dreams Of Jeannie

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