October 26, 2007

Terrorists Finally Win; Pa. Hides Location Of Polling Places

You know, I was thinking of voting the first Tuesday in November, but it seems kinda scary. After all: What if a terrorist attacks my polling place? You might think that's a little silly, but the state of Pennsylvania doesn't! Yes, the locations of polling places will not be published this year due to fears of terrorism.

Yes, that's right: Usually, the state publishes a big ol' list of, you know, places where you can vote. Even though your vote is meaningless, it's at least nice to keep a semblance of a representative democracy. But since terrorists have been thinking about disrupting that all-important Nutter-Taubenberger mayoral election, the Department of State has decided not to release a list of places where you can vote.

The reason, of course, is the 2004 terrorist attack in Madrid, Spain, which happened just before an election there. (News of it didn't reach Pennsylvania until last week.) And since Michael Nutter and the Area Comptroller in Nowheresville County were the ones who got us into this war in the first place, terrorists might be thinking about taking action against Pennsylvania polling places. Especially in Berks County.

"The agencies agreed it was appropriate not to release the statewide list to protect the public and the integrity of the voting process," Department of State spokeswoman Leslie Amoros told the Associated Press. "It certainly had nothing to do with wanting fewer Democrats voting," she added in a quote I just made up.

If you need to know where you vote, you can call the state or county election bureau. Oh, and it's all freely available on the state voter services website. Terrorists, as we know, do not have access to the Internet.

Pa. Won't Release List of Polling Places [AP/The Guardian]

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