April 30, 2007

Leftovers: Breakfast With No Food, And Questions

• There was another mayoral debate this morning, on KYW 1060, called "Breakfast with the Candidates." It appears they didn't eat breakfast, though, so perhaps we can sue KYW. Sez the station: "One local political analyst believes this is the critical week in Philadelphia’s primary campaign for mayor, and that the 'Breakfast With The Candidates' debate on KYW Newsradio will set the tone for the week." Gee, and you guys quoted him? Shocking. [KYW 1060]

• A New York bill would ban teams playing in New Jersey from calling themselves "New York." This means the Giants and Jets. How a New York bill will prevent teams in New Jersey from using the word "New York" is beyond me. I call 'em Jersey anyway. [AP/Camden Courier-Post]

• Woohoo! The Sands is holding a giant garage sale of junk it wants to sell before it's demolished in the fall. [Press of Atlantic City]

• The Philies have racist methods of hiring ball girls, or something. Oh, and calling them "ball girls" is sexist, too, I assume. [Philly Future]

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Road To 10,000 Losses: Ups And Downs

Road to 10,000 Losses is a countdown to the Phillies' 10,000th loss, coming sometime later this year. With a 2-1 series victory over the Marlins, the Phillies stand at 9968 losses, only 32 away from 10,000.

Today, I'm going to recap the Phillies weekend -- a series win over the Marlins -- by charting the ups and downs of it.

Up: The Phillies won the series against the Marlins. They've won 7 of 9, improving from 4-11 to 11-13.

Down: The Phillies 7-2 stretch came against the Astros (1-0), Reds (2-0; lost first game of series), Nationals (2-1) and Marlins (2-1), not exactly the powers of the National League. The Phillies are still 0-3 against the Braves and 1-3 against the Mets.

Up: The Phillies' two best pitchers, stats-wise, are 3-1 with a 2.65 ERA and 2-1 with a 3.24 ERA.

Down: These two men are 44-year-old Jamie Moyer and 23-year-old Cole Hamels. One needs Geritol and the other needs a date for the prom.

Up: The bullpen has solidified (for the most part) since Brett Myers was moved from the rotation and into the setup job.

Down: Brett Myers was deemed the team's best pitcher in the off-season and is now limited to an inning or two a game, instead of a longer outing as a starter. The bullpen is still not perfect, with closer Tom Gordon blowing three saves so far.

Up: Rod Barajas, Jason Werth and Greg Dobbs all had big hits over the weekend against the Marlins.

Down: Rod Barajas, Jason Werth and Greg Dobbs are all still on the Phillies.

Up: Ryan Howard hasn't been eaten by a bear.

Down: Ryan Howard is batting only .219 with 3 home runs. He's struck out 27 times and made 3 errors.

Up: Ryan Howard is in a commercial with Jared from Subway.

Down: The Phillies might improve if Ryan Howard were eaten by a bear.

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Eagles Upgrade At Linebacker, Downgrade At Dancer

As it turns out, the Saturday Daily News cover was eerily prophetic, since the Eagles really ended up having no clue at the NFL draft on Saturday. Pretty much everybody predicted the Eagles would take Miami safety Brandon Merriweather, famous for stomping a player on the ground during a brawl last season, but he was drafted a few picks before the Birds drafted.

Stymied, the Eagles decided to trade down with Dallas into the second round in order to pick up an extra third-round pick (essentially). But, with their early second-round pick, the Eagles took... ah, yeah. By now you've probably heard the Eagles took quarterback Kevin Kolb -- pronounced "Cobb" for some reason -- a move that pretty much confused everyone anywhere, ever.

The Eagles said he was their top available athlete on the board, but the main problem with the pick is the Birds could have had him later. Oh, and the still have that other dude, Donovan McNabb, one of the top quarterbacks in the game. Yes, it's very confusing, but it's the Eagles, so that's what they usually do. They drafted a couple of other guys, but nobody who will contribute in year #1 other than possibly Penn State running back Tony Hunt.

It wasn't all bad, though. Today, the Eagles cut linebacker Dhani Jones. You probably remember Dhani Jones from when he was arrested for dancing in the streets. (Really.)

I really can't do any more to poke fun at Jones then just quote the Inquirer:

Jones had 55 tackles in 16 games last season and had a total of one sack in three years.

Eagles cut Dhani Jones, sign 11 free agents [Inquirer]
New QB can handle boos [Daily News]
March 27, 2006: Let's Hear It For The Boy

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Bob Brady's Website Is A Treasure Trove

For a while, the Bob Brady website was pretty barren. It didn't even have that fancy soul tune on Chaka Fattah's site. But as we inch closer to election day, his website's photo section is becoming ridiculously awesome.

The photo at right is one with his wife, Debra. Yes, that's Brady's wife. (It's his second.) And, yes, if you didn't know, she used to be an Eagles cheerleader. I don't know why the campaign doesn't tout that. "Bob Brady: The only candidate married to an ex-Eagles cheerleader!" I bet it'd play well in the Northeast.

There's also this photo of him and State Sen. Mike Stack where they appear to have been photographed in front of a green screen and inserted in front of a blurry background. (Obviously, why would anyone do that, but it's still awesome.) Here's another one. Somebody just blew out the background with Photoshop, I guess?

Then there's a photo of Brady handing out pretzels at Franklin Mills. And another of him on 610 WIP. And the aforementioned one of him holding pretzels that say "Bob Brady." In case you're wondering, yes, this photo is taped on the front window of the Democratic City Committee.

But the photo on the front of the website proves that Brady even has the Internet meme vote covered.

Check out the boxed area up there. Bob Brady and Bert. Look familiar? That's right:

I can't wait 'til Bob Brady's "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" video.

Maker of the deal, keeper of peace [Inquirer]
Bert is Evil [Snopes]
March 30: The Incredible, Edible Bob Brady

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Sign You're Taking Your Football Game Too Seriously

Police in Rehoboth Beach say officers were called in to break up a bench-clearing brawl between two flag football teams Friday afternoon. [...] The altercation drew three Rehoboth police officers, three state troopers and an officer from Dewey Beach. No arrests appeared to be made at the time.

Police Called for Flag Football Brawl [6 ABC]

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Negs And Closers And Pick-Up Artists, Oh My!

If you remember way... actually, wait, there's no way you're going to remember. So way back when this blog wasn't even a month old (and was even worse than it is now), September 2005, Metro entertainment editor Dorothy Robinson interviewed Neil Strauss, who wrote The Game.

I sorta called bullshit on it at the time, because it used terms like "sarge" to talk about picking up women. Later, I actually read his book -- I had a free copy, I swear -- and apparently all these things were true. Strauss figured out how to get any woman he wanted and was dating the guitarist from Hole or something by the end of the book. (Who knew?)

Naturally, suddenly -- and by "suddenly," I mean "a year and a half ago" -- "pick-up artists" are the hottest rage around, and so today the Inquirer's Faye Flam writes about the new book by The Game's sidekick character, Mystery, with the definitely non-sexist title of The Mystery Method: The Foolproof Way To Get Any Woman You Want Into Bed. (Or maybe The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed, as an Inquirer photo shows. Apparently this book is so amazing it has two different titles.)

Students pay $2,150 for a three-day seminar taught by one of Mystery's disciples, which is way more expensive than Match.com. Apparently, getting a girl includes such tips as having good body language, telling girls they suck (in a friendly way) and coming up with some sort of stupid story to tell a girl so she immediately takes your pants off. Or, y'know, something like that.

Flam talks about research -- this is the Inquirer, after all -- on similar subjects by scientists, including one who says playing hard to get activates dopamine circuits -- also activated by, say, cocaine -- in the brain on the person who's been rejected. Wow! I didn't know I was a cokehead!

But this article is only the beginning (I hope).

This story got even more interesting when I met Mystery himself. Maybe I'll write about that in my next column. I'd give it about 50-50 odds.

Oh, playing hard to get, eh, Flam? Just write the damn article before I overdose.

Carnal Knowledge | Play hard to get, single guys [Inquirer]
Sept. 29, 2005: Also, "sarge" means "to pick up women." I call bullshit.
Archives: Faye Flam

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Is Barbaro The Best? Boy I Guess!

Neigh! Yesterday was Zombie Barbaro's fourth birthday, and about 500 fans crowded Delaware Park -- where Barbaro won its first race -- for an emotional tribute to the late horse.

How big was the day? One person came from South Africa to celebrate Barbaro! The News Journal has a photo of Barbaro co-owner Gretchen Jackson "kneeling as if in prayer," which must mean she's... I dunno. Why would she pantomime a prayer?

The best anecdote of the day, though, comes from the Inquirer's Mike Jensen, who probably thought his days of covering Barbaro were over -- but, no, he's going to be writing about this damn horse for the rest of his life.

The passion at Delaware Park was real. The most graphic example: One woman had a tattoo of Barbaro across her back.

Can all the Barbaro fans get this tattoo? 'Cuz then I'd be able to make sure any girl I meet in a bar isn't a Barbaro fan. "Excuse me, before we begin talking, can I see your back?"

Fans of Barbaro gather to celebrate his birthday [Inquirer]
Remembering Barbaro [The News Journal]
Archives: Barbaro

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Shocking News: Pro Wrestler Violent

On Friday, Metro interviewed "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, pro wrestler and star of The Condemned, which nobody went to see when it opened this past weekend. (Steve Austin, apparently, believes in global warming because "it seems like it just keeps getting warmer and warmer.") The interview opened with this:

The White House has been searching for a new war czar in Iraq. If you were war czar, what would your strategy be?

Hell, I'd say -- you want me to take a hard stand on this thing?

Sure.
I'd say, bomb 'em. I'd just bomb the hell out of them, that's my take on it. The long story short, just drop the bomb on 'em.

With talk like that, you'd think Stone Cold would actually be named new war czar in a day or two. But all this interview did, apparently, was enrage an emailer, who wants more diplomacy from our nation's pro wrestlers.

The letter in today's paper, titled "Stone Cold's comments ignorant":

I'm appalled to read Austin's comments on bombing Iraq. It's ignorant comments such as that one that lay the foundation for the notion that Americans are ignorant and war- and power-hungry. "Bomb[ing] the hell out of" any country would take millions of innocent lives and create more tragedy and horror than could ever be justified.

That's a last resort that I hope I never have to see used in my -- or anyone else's -- lifetime. I'm disgusted to see it thrown about so nonchalantly by someone many young people idolize. As an American, I apologize to people that have family and friends Iraq, and want to state that not all of us think like barbarians. Good one, Steve Austin.

I'm against bombing the hell out of Iraq, but I'm pretty sure if we bombed letter to the editor writers, I wouldn't be all that against it.

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Fortune Teller Crackdown Spells Doom For Us All

Acting on a tip from the police department last week, the city's Department of Licensing & Inspections (aka the dreaded L&I) decided to take care of the one problem all city residents could agree needed fixing: Those stupid signs all over town that say "I BUY TRAINS" or "LOSE WEIGHT IN 30 DAYS" or "I BUY HOUSES."

Ha ha, of course not! What L&I actually did was shut down the city's fortune tellers. The state technically has a decades-old law preventing fortune tellers from, ah, predicting the future "for gain or lucre." (Lucre? This law was clearly written in approximately 1789.)

It seems odd that the state has a ban on fortune telling when it also has a legalized lottery and casino gambling, but "making sense" is not something government does, ever. Cops haven't arrested anyone and nobody's been fined, but if these people attempt to return to their livelihoods, they will be. Deputy L&I commish Dominic Verdi tried to make it sound as if he was doing the city a great favor.

Most so-called psychics, he said, "are not little old ladies with kerchiefs on their heads" but clever con artists capable of stealing large sums - even life savings - from grieving or otherwise vulnerable people.

As opposed to casinos and the lottery, which.... well, whatever.

The Inquirer interviewed the owner of Psychic, the fortune teller on Walnut Street -- naturally, near the head shop Wonderland -- who said he had a license from the city and paid taxes. He also said he was raided by the Major Crimes Unit, because, you know, he's really a danger to the community. (You would think the police would use the fortune tellers to predict where the next murder was going to be!)

"Shouldn't they be cracking down on rapes and murders, not palm readers?" he asked. He also demanded to know whether tea-leaf readers in Chinatown were also being shut down. He doubted it.

"They're discriminating against Gypsies," he said, although he said he was born and raised in Philadelphia.

Finally, he noted that critics "considered that Jesus was a psychic, a fortune-teller, and they crucified him." He saw a certain parallel. "Look what they want to do with the fortune-tellers," the man said. "We might be coming to the end of the world."

Gee, thanks a lot, L&I. Because of you, the fucking world is going to end. I hope you're happy.

Who knew? An old law shuts psychics [Inquirer]

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Knox: All Who Oppose Me Shall Be Crushed

Over the weekend, a few anti-Tom Knox ads began airing on local television. One was from candidate Bob Brady and used the word "fake" to describe Tom Knox. Another was from a group called Working People for Truth, which concluded its ad with "Tom Knox - fake, fake, fake."

Clearly, the use of the word "fake" in both ads is concrete evidence the two groups are most certainly colluding to attempt to stop Tom Knox and help Bob Brady get elected. Or something. The city's Board of Ethics -- remember them? -- will issue subpoenas to figure out if groups are breaking the city's campaign finance laws.

Meanwhile, Tom Knox's camp is considering a lawsuit against Working People for Truth -- Not all 527s need to have "for Truth" at the end of their names, people! You know the Swift Boat people lied, right? -- as well as hoping to send people to prison.

"This is illegal, illegal, illegal," [Knox campaign manager Josh] Morrow said. "If the federal law was broken, someone should go to jail for this."

Yes, that's it. Someone should go to jail. Hey, it's not like our prisons aren't overcrowded or anything!

Campaign ad inquiry plans to subpoena [Inquirer]

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Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

John Baer: Another person has a plan to stop crime.

Stu Bykofsky: Vote for Bob Brady, bitches!

Urban Warrior Chris Brennan: Tow truck companies are kinda evil, but this one tow truck company is really evil.

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Try To Tone Down Your Excitement A Little, Guys

Of course, having them stare directly into the sun probably wasn't the best idea for taking the photo, either.

Draft Coverage [PhiladelphiaEagles.com]

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April 27, 2007

Daniel McQuade Deathwatch: No 'PW' Sale

Well, that was anticlimactic. The word inside the PW offices is whatever possible deal was on the table is now dead.

"There's nothing happening," PW owner Anthony Clifton said when asked about rumors of a potential PW sale. Clifton was largely absent from the office for several weeks after rumors of a possible sale were first reported, but has returned to his normal schedule.

Michael Klein first reported the paper might be sold in an Inquirer article in late March. The Daily News' Dan Gross followed that up by reporting Philadelphia Media Holdings' Brian Tierney was interested in purchasing the paper, and Klein reported again Village Voice Media (née New Times) appeared to be the frontrunner a week after his original report.

Steve Volk handled the actual reporting of the possible sale for PW, writing about another possible buyer, Wilkes-Barre Times Leader owner Richard Connor.

I continued to do my duty to report things in the stupidest way possible, reporting the sale by making up a mock Tierney-owned Philadelphia Will Do page, writing about the possibility of VVM purchasing the paper, applying to ridiculous jobs on Craigslist. Then I actually went out and did a little reporting of my own, shooting down a report VVM had purchased the paper.

Now I report this, but I hope I did it in a stupid enough way to keep my lack of credibility intact. So what does PW do now? Well, for one, there will be fewer photos of my face on the website, so you female readers can breathe easy. People smarter than I am (i.e. everyone here) will figure out the next step and I will follow along. It's odd, of course, to hear you're possibly going to be sold and then hear you're not, but, to be honest, I just tried not to think about it much. It's business, right?

Oh, and this: Yay!

Archives: Daniel McQuade Deathwatch
Steve Volk contributed to this report.

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Road To 10,000 Losses: Losing In November

Road to 10,000 Losses is a countdown to the Phillies' 10,000th loss, coming sometime later this year. With a 4-2 loss to the National yesterday, the Phillies stand at 9967 losses, only 33 away from 10,000.

Geeze, even when the Phillies won't be playing -- November 4, 2008 -- they're going to lose.

How, you say?

Yep. George Phillies, Libertarian candidate for president. According to his official website, he's against "selling our grandchildren into de facto debt slavery," for civil liberties and presumably for all the normal libertarian free market and such.

Oh, and he's for ending the Internet poker ban. ("Real Americans know: Poker is as American as apple pie.") This guy is looking better and better every second.

Plus, hello, his last name is Phillies. I didn't even know there were people with that last name! God, what a tragedy it must be to go through life with that last name. Everywhere you go, people associate you with the worst baseball team of all time.

George Phillies for President [Thanks, Brad]
Phillies for President [Myspace]

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Harassment, A $500 Appearance Fee And Queena Bass: The Tommy The Loan Shark Press Conference

I'm not quite sure I can explain what just happened.

When Milton Street sang while draped over a coffin, it was clearly the zenith of civilization. It was, therefore, rather easy to write about it. (Plus, Jess Fuerst had video.)

The Tommy the Loan Shark press conference originally scheduled for yesterday was rescheduled for 1:00 today. Naturally, I went over, since I always like to keep up with the anthropomorphic mascot news. (Also, this blog needs a little diversity from Barbaro, Milton Street and Kerri-Lee Halkett.) But also there were a number of political reporters for major local media outlets, i.e. actual political reporters. Dave Davies! Bruce Gordon! KYW 1060! WHYY-FM! (To note: Josh Cornfield from Metro had a cover story about Tommy the Loan Shark (aka TLS) in the paper today.)

The political reporters knew what they were doing, though, since the presser ended up being the greatest press conference of all time (non-Milton Street/John Chaney division).

The press conference began normally. Jim Nixon started talking about the normal Knox accusations -- payday lending, having a felon on his payroll, no-bid contracts, etc. -- and then launched into his promised "new information" he'd be getting.

He said at a recent event, Tom Knox supporters wrapped up TLS in a Knox banner. Then he said he's been followed by a gray van and that, last night, someone charged at him at his place -- while he was outside smoking a cigar (like you do) -- until he ran inside and threatened to call the police. The man ran away, he said. Nixon said one of the people he saw in the gray van had a Local 98 jacket on.

The press conference continued, and looked like to be heading toward its inevitable boring, but odd, conclusion. Nixon said he wasn't involved with any candidate, and he wasn't even sure who he was going to vote for.

Then, a ray of hope entered the picture. Frank Keel, ex-John Street spokesman, suddenly began speaking loudly about how Nixon actually worked for Brady. He said he knew this because the Brady camp offered him a million dollars to do pretty much essentially what Nixon is doing right now. Nixon's defense, which is pretty believable actually, was this: "If you think this is a million dollar operation!" (When he heard Keel say "million dollars," Tommy the Loan Shark actually jumped backwards.)

Suddenly, this was a Frank Keel press conference. Seriously, he had entirely taken over. He said TLS gets $500 in cash for every appearance -- hey, hey, I'll be Tommy the Loan Shark! -- and that he was a member of the Pagan motorcycle gang. Keel said his offer came from the Brady camp on Feb. 9 at the Bellevue Starbucks. (That's quite a memory!) Oh, and he also said Local 98 wasn't involved in harassing Nixon.

Nixon and Keel began arguing; Nixon asked Keel to "back your thugs off"; Keel said, "You and your dead fish stink on ice!" and the namecalling continued.

The highlight of the event, though, was this: After Keel asked Tommy the Loan Shark to reveal himself, reporters put microphones in the shark mascot's face.

Then a supporter of Queen Bass showed up and began screaming, "It's not an election, it's a selection!" and claiming Bass was thrown out of a debate organized by Project H.O.M.E. (Ha!) He then yelled at Josh Cornfield for a bit, who has his own recap of the event here.

Basically, the mayor's race today has now included references to the following: An anthropomorphic shark, the Pagans, $500 under the table payments, thugs and a mysterious gray van following the shark mascot's handler. I love Philadelphia.

Sharks in the water [Metro]
Welcome, Frank Keel [Fight for Room 215]

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Beerleaguer Gets Television Commercial

The above is a commercial for Phillies blog Beerleaguer, run by the Reading Eagle's Jason Weitzel. It will be airing on Channel 69 (WFMZ-TV). On TV!

"The spot includes overlays of all the praise the site has received over the years, a shot of me at a bar with a laptop and some dynamic screen captures of the blog," Weitzel writes on his blog. "[I]nstead of that shot of me in a bar, a more realistic depiction would include a shot of me in boxer shorts sitting in a dark office, hunched over a laptop and a ham sandwich, shaking with anger."

Fortunately, there is no praise from Philadelphia Will Do/Philadelphia Weekly included in the ad, because such an event would probably cause the entire Philadelphia blogosphere to implode and shower the Internet with pieces of jaded comedy, incomplete thoughts and pictures of Kerri-Lee Halkett.

Commercial makes Beerleaguer sound friendly, sexy [Beerleaguer]
Feb. 16: Beerleaguer Previews Spring Training

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Lawmaker For Gun Control To Begin Carrying AK-47

State Rep. Jewell Williams, who's from Philly, is a co-sponsor of an Angel Cruz bill that has no chance at passing but is a way to get attention for his gun control arguments. (The bill's about gun control, too, obviously; it's just not going to pass.)

Anyway, this morning some idiot from Allentown wrote him an email saying something to the effect of "you should be shot" for supporting his fellow democrat Cruz. Way to do your part to make gun owners look like responsible human beings, buddy!

Williams is taking the threat seriously, which is certainly his prerogative and not something you can really criticize. But, ah, could we do it so everyone's reaction to the story isn't "guh-wha"?

A Philadelphia lawmaker who supports tougher gun-control laws said Thursday he will likely start wearing a bulletproof vest and carrying his gun more often after receiving a threatening e-mail.

I think the equivalent of this move is protesting abortion by opening up a Planned Parenthood.

Lawmaker who got e-mail threat says he'll wear bulletproof vest [AP/Philly.com]

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Nutter Does Well In Poll

In an independent poll releases yesterday, Michael Nutter surged into a statistical tie with current front-runner Tom Knox.

The survey of 450 likely voters showed Knox in the lead with 20 percent, Nutter with 18 percent, followed by U.S. Rep. Chaka Fattah with 14 percent, U.S. Rep. Bob Brady with 9 percent and state Rep. Dwight Evans with 7 percent. Thirty-two percent were undecided.

So what helped him? The ad with his daughter? The photoshopped image above? ("Aw, I loved that Humpty Dance song! I'm voting for DJ Mix Master Mike!") I dunno. Polls don't really mean much, as the politicians who are behind in polls like to say, while the ones in front say they mean a lot. Except for, of course, Nutter: "We're going to keep working hard because the big poll is on Election Day." Hey, hey, take your (near) victories when you can.

Poll shows Nutter surge [Daily News]

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Angry Blogger Makes Citizen Arrest Or Something

While Jon Corzine is doing better and recovering from his car accident (caused by Don Imus), he might have to dig deep into his pockets sometime soon.

A blogger by the name of GadFly actually left his house and issued a citizen seat-belt complaint against the governor.

Wait, you can do this? Can I go cite Ed Rendell for saying he drives around 80? Anyway, the ticket for driving (or riding in the passenger seat) without a seatbelt is $46, which should be pretty tough for the multimillionaire governor to pay.

On his blog, Gadfly -- aka Larry Angel -- discussed the citizen complaint. To note, his blog contains the following phrases: "THE CORRUTP [sic] MULLICA 5 AKA IDIOTS R US," "glen THE AUTO INSURANCE FRAUD KING forman," "jimmy THE ETHICALLY CHALLENGED curcio," "steve THE SCOFFLAW waszen." I don't know who these people are, but it seems they're all pretty evil.

His post about the seatbelt complain:

The statue of Justice is blindfolded as a symbol that laws are enforced impartially...that Lady Justice does not peek, to see how thick one’s wallet is or the color of one’s skin. Given the minor nature of the fine for not wearing a seat belt the State Police do a disservice to us all in not citing the Governor...as such inaction allows the perception of special treatment. It is further noted that the following day a seat belt ticket was signed by larry THE MISANTHROPIC PEDANTIC S.O.B. angel with the cooperation of Galloway officials.

Hm. Good... good to know.

Subject: Buck(l)ing the system [Gadfly]
Corzine gets citizen seat-belt complaint [AP/Philly.com]

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The Duke Boys Aren't Innocent After All

Gregory Sullivan is, apparently, a lawyer in Bucks County. He's also an occasional columnist for The Evening Bulletin. And he wrote this paragraph in yesterday's paper with 100 percent seriousness in a column about how college is bullshit or something.

The Duke University case is viewed, correctly, as a thwarted railroading of the students by an unscrupulous prosecutor. The students are understandably relieved to be cleared of the false charges. They are seen as victims in this matter, which is what they are. But the legal vindication of the students is one thing. Duke should now throw them out of the university for hiring a stripper.

The Bulletin: Just when you think they'll zig, they ZAG!

Recent Incidents Mean It's Time To Rethink College [The Evening Bulletin]

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Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

Christine Flowers: Out of touch!

Earni Young: Fun fact: "[M]ore than 10,000 people are jammed into the blocks between Arch and Vine streets, from 8th to 11th streets."

Jill Porter: Yes, kids attacking teachers does cause damage.

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Happy Birthday, Zombie Barbaro!

You won't believe what is Sunday is: That's right, it's Barbaro's birthday! Despite the fact the horse died in January, he's still alive in the hearts of people posting on Internet messageboards, and this Sunday there will be a big celebration for the horse at Delaware Park. I can only expect Barbaro to rise from the dead on this fateful day, but I guess we'll just have to wait.

“Just be warned,” said fan Sharon Crumb. “It’s going to be very emotional. I don’t think there’s going to be a dry eye.”

“I can’t let Barbaro go,” a choked-up Crumb said. “I won’t let Barbaro go.”

If you remember back to the Field Guide To Barbaro Messageboard Factions, you'll know that this horse who won one important race and didn't finish in the other (and didn't even run in the third) made people cry a lot directly after his death. In fact, this post below, speaking in the voice of Barbaro, made people cry, too:

hay its me im in hevvin now its beyoooooooooootiful i can seee yuo lissen for me ill see yuo agin love eech uthur be nise to eech uthur save horsssesss say prayers thankyew for lovin me so much

love bArbaro

Barbaro needs to take a fucking typing class.

The Barbaro fanatics have been able to channel their grief and rage into more than just messageboard crying, as well, raising $250,000 for laminitis research and, I 'unno, saving "about 580" horses. I don't know what they saved them from -- All together now: "the glue factory!" Ba-ZING! -- but I suppose those horses are happy to be alive. If they were human, that is, they would be. The Barbaro messageboard website still receives 6,000 hits a day, and it really makes me happy to know I have a bigger audience. Phew.

What's going to happen at the big Barbaro bash?

The FOBs count this weekend’s celebration among them. The event at Delaware Park includes a “Fans of Barbaro” race in which 10 fans will be able to participate in winner’s circle activities, Barbaro highlight videos and a screening of the independent film, “The First Saturday in May.” [...]

“We went through a lot of tears together online,” Crumb said. “I just have this vision of us being together for one great big group hug. And I hope we heal. I don’t want people to say goodbye to Barbaro. I hope we become stronger.”

The fans of Barbaro are going to race? Sweet! That's pretty cool. Do you think, just as a twist, the horses will ride the Barbaro fans this time?

As for Crumb, I don't think people are going to be saying goodbye to Barbaro anytime soon. For example, he's going to be honored at the Kentucky Derby. Oh, and there are Barbaro wristbands -- a la Livestrong -- which read: "LIVE THE MOMENT/BARBARO/JUST BE A WINNER."

Barbaro, of course, won one important race and lost the other important one. Where the eff is my Smarty Jones wristband? At least he won two races and led another before blowing it on the backstretch.

Big celebrations planned for Barbaro's birthday [AP/MSNBC.com]
Barbaro Will Be Honored At The Kentucky Derby [KYW 1060]
Barbaro Wristband Fundraiser [Tim Wooley Racing]
Jan. 30: Field Guide To Barbaro Messageboard Factions
Semi-Related: I Hate Horses, The Blog

Posted by D-Mac at 09:16 AM | Comments (12) | TrackBack

Breaking: Jon Corzine Declares Self Messiah

Jon Corzine didn't give any interviews yesterday, but he did allow himself to be photographed by an Associated Press photographer. Fortunately, he's out of the ICU, looks pretty good, and hopefully he can recover and move on and buckle his seatbelt or whatever.

He will, of course, since he's apparently the second coming:

"I'm the most blessed person who ever lived," Corzine told an Associated Press photographer taking his picture at Cooper University Hospital in Camden.

Pfft. Clearly, Corzine has never heard of Barbaro.

Corzine shows he isn't flat on his back [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 08:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 26, 2007

Leftovers: Katz As Katz Can

• Michael Tremoglie's recent column contains the following phrases: "liberal mainstream media eagerly reported the Democrats every word without critical examination," "such conduct by ITT could possibly be treasonous," "The Bush White House is not even in the same league as the Carter White House," "Hatfield Phillies Franks Dollar Dog Day." Okay, I made up that last one, but the others are true. [Evening Bulletin]

• Sam Katz isn't saying he's running, but he's not saying he's not running! Fortunately, he's still tap tap tapping away at his blog and also apparently reading this one or Technorating "Sam Katz" every 15 minutes. [Inquirer]

• Carol Campbell has apparently already worked her magic! T-Wald reports all but one lunch truck at the Penn Relays was shut down. He's also done a nice job of blogging the Penn Relays all day. (But, ah, I can't, like, make fun of the Jamaican high schoolers, really. Can I? Oh, wait. Sweet, I have a post for tomorrow.) [Soft Pretzel Logic]

• Speaking of the Penn Relays, some dude wrote a very well done preview of them in the Daily News yesterday. [DN]

Posted by D-Mac at 05:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Road To 10,000 Losses: Phils Go For Six

Road to 10,000 Losses is a countdown to the Phillies' 10,000th loss, coming sometime later this year. With a five-game winning streak, the Phillies still stand at 9966 losses, only 34 away from 10,000.

The Phillies have been on a bit of a tear recently, winning five straight and improving their record to 9-11. They've hit six homers during the streak and the much-maligned bullpen has a 1.38 ERA during the last five games. Morning Glory fan Chase Utley went 5-for-5 last night.

Now, these wins have come against three subpar teams, the Reds (2), Astros (1) and Nationals (2). But, hey, a win's a win, and the Phils have five games left in April to attempt to get to .500.

The Phillies go for a series sweep and third-straight series win (duh, they already won the series) with 23-year-old Cole Hamels on the mound, who had 15 strikeouts in a complete-game win last Saturday.

Yes, it's a day game, and the Phillies are still not at 10,000 losses, so you know what that means: Liveblogging! Head after the jump for Chris Wheeler jokes, references to old Phillies you forgot were on the team and, hopefully, Ryan Howard home runs.

3:07 - Oh, and Cole Hamels strikeouts! The lefty gets Josh Wilson looking on a changeup on a 3-2 count.

3:12 - Nats go down 1-2-3. Jimmy Rollins hits it hard to start the bottom of the first, but it dies right in front of the warning track.

3:13 - Fun stat alert! Last night, Chase Utley came into the game last night hitting .251. After going 5-for-5, he's hitting .296.

3:17 - More fun stats: The Nationals haven't scored a run in the first inning all year.

3:23 - Let's just continue on this stat pack: Cole Hamels has thrown 24 pitches. Four of them were balls. He didn't throw a ball in the second inning. Three of his first four pitches were balls. (Thanks, Jake.) It's still scoreless, though Hamels gave up a single last inning.

3:37 - Hamels update: He threw a ball last inning, so he's up to five. One day, Cole Hamels will pitch a perfect game without throwing any balls. OR strikes. He's that good.

3:40 - Chase Utley ad: "The Phanatic's just like us. Only a little green." While saying this, he appears to be wearing something to keep his hair back, or the top of his sunglasses.

3:41 - The camera shows a little girl being attacked by the Phillie Phanatic and then breaking into tears.

3:42 - Meanwhile, it's been fixed, but the front page of Philly.com did read at one point: "Phillies 0, Senators 0."

3:45 - Hamels gives up a homer to right and nearly gives up another one to left, but it hits the top of the fence and ends up a double. It's 1-0, Senators/Nationals/Grays/Minnesota Twins.

3:48 - Despite giving up three straight hits, it only leads to 1 run and the Phils are up.

3:53 - And they're down. Utley got a hit, but Ryan Howard grounded into a double play.

3:59 - Actual conversation between Chris Wheeler and Gary Matthews a little bit ago.

W: "In case... you are wondering... the Powerball... jackpot right now... is sixty-eight... million.... Nice little payday."

M: "Yup."

(longish pause)

W: "You could buy a few golf balls with that."

M: "Yup."

4:02 - The May 13 Sunday afternoon game is giving out free Chase Utley fleece blankets to all women. Discrimination!

4:06 - While making fun of Wes Helms with a friend on IM... he gets his second hit of the day. I think Wes Helms is just an earlier release version of Jim Thome. You know, before they perfected it.

4:09 - And Helms forgets there's only one out and gets doubled up on an Aaron Rowand pop-up.

4:14 - And now it's second and third with nobody out for the Nationals. Hey, the regular Phillies are back!

4:18 - And it's 3-0.

4:23 - Cole Hamels walks in a run with the bases loaded. It's 4-0 in the top of the sixth and Hamels is coming out of the game.

4:32 - Geary gets them out of the inning without any more runs. It's still 4-0, but Rod Barajas and Geoff Geary/pinch hitter are up next, so it's sure to be 4-2 soon.

4:39 - The Phillies go down 1-2-3. Pinch-hitting for Geary was Michael Borun, which means sense, since Bourn is 3-for-14 this year.

4:46 - Ryan Madson shuts down the Nats and it's stretch time. I'm sorry. The McDonald's i'm lovin' it® Seventh Inning Stretch, I mean.

4:50 - Chase Utley is hit by a pitch. It's the eighth time this season he's been plunked. Second place is the NL is three. I believe the record is 50. Come on Chase!

4:59 - The Phillies get two guys on but... but... right. Wes Helms lines out to end the inning.

5:06 - Hey, there we go. Aaron Rowand hits a bomb to left-center to keep his hitting streak alive. (It's now at 14.)

5:08 - In a cunning move, Phillies manager Charlie Manuel pulls Greg Dobbs out of the on-deck circle in order to bat... Abraham Nunez! Who grounds out. J-Roll does, too, and the Phils are gonna need three in the ninth to tie. Ah... yeah.

5:21 - Shane Victorino walks and the Nationals put in closer Chad Cordero. Nobody's out, so until this double play here they're still in it.

5:23 - Utley hits a drive to center and it falls about two inches short of being a two-run homer. But Howard rips a double to right and the Phillies have second and third with one out and the tying run (Pat Burrell) at the plate.

5:27 - AGH! Burrell hits it to right and it misses being a game-tying homer by a few feet. Gah.

5:29 - Wes Helms strikes out, and it's loss #9,967. 33 to go!

5:47 - Why is John Marzano back on my Post Game Live? AGH!

Posted by D-Mac at 03:00 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Giant Mascot Holds Press Conference

An interesting press release arrived today from one Tommy the Loan Shark, who is holding a press conference outside City Hall at 1 p.m. today. Which means: Crap, I missed it.

Well that sorta screws up this post, doesn't it? Oh well. Let's just continue. I'm not quite sure how Tommy types with his little fins, but he does, apparently, go by "Tommie" now and not "Tommy." Here's the release (I especially dig the exclamation point after "PRESS RELEASE"):

------ Forwarded Message

From: Tommie Shark
Date: Wed, 25 Apr 2007 16:13:18 -0500
To: People
Subject: PRESS RELEASE: Press Conference at CITY HALL TOMORROW!

PRESS RELEASE!

FROM: TOMMIE THE LOAN SHARK

TO: ALL REPORTERS AND CITIZENS

WHERE/WHEN: CITY HALL (West Side), THURSDAY APRIL 26, 2007, 1 PM

----------------------

Tomorrow at 1 PM, Tommie the Loan Shark and his side-kick Jim Nixon will hold a press conference on the West side of City Hall and reveal NEW information about Tom Knox's sordid past of 400% interest pay-day loans. Also on the agenda, Knox's pay-to-play contracts and inside deals.

Tom Knox: Ripping off Philadelphia's poorest citizens, using political influence to get no-work insider contracts, associating with extortionists.

www.tomtheloanshark.com

Ah, I dunno, that slogan's a little wordy. Don't you think? However, I do expect to see Grump issuing a statement about his arrest any day now.

April 4: Copyright-Infringing Mascot Arrested In Sex Sting
Archives: Tommy the Loan Shark

Posted by D-Mac at 02:37 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Rendell Gives Greenlight To Speeding

Way back in 2004, the Daily News broke the story Ed Rendell had been clocked going over 100 miles per hour in his limo several times. (This led to a running Joe Conklin gag, who had the governor saying things like, "I'm gonna leave East Falls at 12:15, and make to Pittsburgh by quarter-to-one for the game.")

Rendell apologized (I guess) back in '04 and later a state police probe -- of course! -- said Rendell's driver should only speed when it was an emergency. While he may not be clockin' 100 mph anymore, he's sure driving faster than 55. The guv told the Patriot-News, "I've told my troopers that I don't want them exceeding 80 unless they need to pass or unless there's some real exigent circumstance."

Sweet! Eighty! Rendell then laid down this bombshell:

"We do the appropriate speed," Rendell said. "Sometimes we adhere to the speed limit, sometimes we don't. On many of Pennsylvania's highways, if you adhered to the speed limit, you'd be a safety hazard."

You see? The governor is authorizing speeding. Just, y'know, don't go above 80. Seventy-five is safer than 55, but 81 is just plain dangerous.

Sometimes Rendell feels need for speed [Patriot-News]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Curt Schilling Should Be On Mount Rushmore

Noted loudmouth and ex-Phillies pitcher Curt Schilling famously pitched Game 6 of the ALCS in 2004 with a hurt ankle, which also famously bled through his sock. The win helped the Red Sox rally from a 3-0 deficit to upset the Yankees and eventually won the World Series.

Last night, during a game, announcer Orioles announcer Gary Thorne made an interesting comment during the Baltimore-Boston contest: It was actually painted on! But of course! I've actually heard that rumor before, but it doesn't make much sense; it's not like his ankle wasn't hurt, it'd be pretty silly to actually paint on fake blood just to make yourself look tougher.

The Red Sox denied it; the guy Thorne said told him about it says he doesn't even know Thorne, etc. But the best comment comes from Terry Francona, the Phillies manager who successfully guided the team to a 65-97 record in 2000:

"What we're going through today as a nation, you hate to use a word like heroic on the field, but what Schill did that night on the sports field was one of the most incredible feats I ever witnessed," Francona said. "[Thorne's remarks] go so far past disappointing. Disrespectful to Schill, to his vocation. I'm stunned.

"I am just floored. Schill takes his share of shots, and this one is so far below the belt that I'm embarrassed and I wish somebody would have had the good conscience to ask me. I saw the leg. If that had been painted, I wouldn't have had my knuckles so white, and having so much anxiety."

"I don't want to say Schilling's a hero, but, man, he makes the people on Flight 93 look like pussies."

Schilling's sock called into question [Boston Globe]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:39 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Knox Attacked For Goombah Affiliation

Appropriate since -- as you undoubtedly know if you have a TV, or have passed by a TV store, or you know someone who has a TV -- he worked odd jobs, left home at 16 and joined the Navy, a group of Philadelphians are attempting to Swift Boat Tom Knox.

Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, a 527 political action group, attacked John Kerry in 2004 for... I dunno. He hated the Vietnam War or something, which was America's greatest and most successful war after the War on Drugs. Or apparently he killed Vietnamese children and drank their blood. But, anyway, people bought it, even though the Swift Boaters weren't exactly telling what we like to call "the truth."

The anti-Knox group is headed up by Alex Talmadge, who apparently stood in for Bob Brady at a forum recently. It's called Economic Justice Coalition for Truth. (Note: not all 527's have to be "for Truth." Sometimes they're for lying.)

But the Swift Boat story doesn't mean the Tom Knox 527 is going to lie or anything, as these groups can -- amazingly -- attack candidates for things they actually did. As you may know, Tom Knox was poor until he robbed poor people of their money, then he got rich. Or maybe he stole the Liberty Bell and sold it on the black market. Oh, here it is: He headed up a bank that made payday loans, which charge like a billion percent interest. And the new scandal is he keeps a guy on payroll who was a convicted felon.

Knox, a multimillionaire businessman, said he still keeps David S. Fishbone on his personal payroll three years after Maryland insurance regulators fined his company $125,000 for employing the disbarred lawyer as a compliance officer for Fidelity Insurance, a company he bought in 1999 and sold in 2004.

Because if there is one thing the public won't stand for, it's convicted felons working as compliance officers for insurance companies! However, the always great Kate Philips, Brady's spokeswoman, chimed in: "Cronyism got him into that mess. He took one of his old goombahs and gave him that job."

Political group targets Knox [Inquirer]
Knox defends hiring of felon at his Md. HMO [Inquirer]
We said the Swift Boats were coming [The Next Mayor]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Guards, Inmates To... Reunite?

You guys really better clear your calendars Sunday. At 2:30 p.m., there is perhaps the greatest event of all time: The Eastern State Penitentiary Alumni Reunion.

Apparently, some of the former guards and inmates of Eastern State aren't all that old, and, as it says on the Eastern State website, "People are sometimes surprised to find that many of Eastern State's former officers and inmates... enjoy returning to the cellblocks to remember old times." Yes. Yes, you could say I am a bit surprised by that.

The ex-guards and inmates are going to be speaking, probably about all the wacky times they had. And here I thought Eastern State was a mental illness-causing hellhole, when instead it was apparently the prison from Naked Gun 33 1/3. Ha ha, remember the scene where O.J. Simpson catches all the babies while doing a touchdown dance?

ESP Alumni Reunion [PhillyFunGuide]
Events [Eastern State Penitentiary]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:51 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

A Rose By Any Other Name

An Inquirer article today focuses on a pretty ridiculous situation in New Jersey. (Aren't they all.) There are six Washington Townships in N.J., because we here in this country don't know any presidents besides the first one. (I'm surprised half of those haven't been renamed after Ronald Reagan, though.)

It causes problems, though, such as bills going to the wrong township and an insurance company which refused to defend a lawsuit against Washington Township, Gloucester County, because it said it thought it was insuring a different Washington Township.

But the real gem in the story is this line, penned by Inquirer reporter Jan Hefler:

Whoever eloquently posed the question, "What's in a name?" didn't have to deal with the modern mess created by such lack of imagination.

Gee! Who ever could have written that line? Not the world's most famous author, definitely not him. And definitely not in Romeo & Juliet, Act II, Scene ii.

Which Washington Twp. is that for? [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:19 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Philly.com Visitors Have Better Taste Than You'd Think

Woohoo! Now maybe they'll take the giant Idol news off the front page? Naw, we're not that lucky.

Results: What did you think of the 'Idol' charity show? [Philly.com]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Nora Fanbase Growing To Barbaroesque Proportions

Currently the top video on CNN.com is, of course, Nora, the piano-playing cat. But it's not just the same old video, no: CNN's video clip -- from American Morning -- is the world broadcast premiere of Nora's new video! (This is similar to, say, when TNT says it has the world cable premiere of Walking Tall or something.)

I'm not quite sure why this is the top video on CNN -- the start of the new video is kinda cute -- but I can be sure that when this cat dies, it'll be just like Barbaro: There will be tribute pages, online vigils and some sort of benefit single (perhaps performed by other musical cats). Please, keep this cat away from the Menu Foods cat food. Then again, there's always the chance Nora's other talent is immortality.

Archives: Nora, The Piano-Playing Cat

Posted by D-Mac at 10:29 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

Michael Smerconish: Tom Knox sure can spend money.

Ronnie Polaneczky: Hooray, no more trains blocking the Schuylkill!

Stu Bykofsky: Hooray, maybe kids can get scholarships to college now, bitches!

Posted by D-Mac at 09:40 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

David Murphy Is The Toughest Meteorologist In Philly

An average television viewer might think the weatherguys and gals aren't all that tough. Sure, Hurricane Schwartz talks tough about Christmas, but how many mall Santas has he punched out?

Well, I don't know about the other weatherpeople, but David Murphy no-sold a separated shoulder at CBP the other day:

It was one hell of a catch, but 6ABC's David Murphy suffered a dislocated left shoulder yesterday fielding a line drive by Q102's Diego Ramos during the 10th Annual Richie Ashburn Memorial Home Runs for Heart challenge at Citizens Bank Park.

Murphy, a trouper, continued to play for 15 minutes after the injury before casually strolling off the field and driving himself to an area hospital, refusing to have an EMT called to the ballpark.

Drove himself to the hospital? Man. Somebody ought to tell Danny Tartabull that a weatherguy can play through an injury.

Dan Gross | Murphy's catch [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:04 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

April 25, 2007

Leftovers: The 'Stache Is Back

• Pro-gun activists held up a sign saying Philly's own Angel Cruz, a state representative, should be "hung from the tree of liberty." Lynching jokes are always hilarious. Oh, and a bunch of lawmakers called for an investigation and the firing of Don Imus because they felt it was a terroristic threat or something. [AP/Philly.com]

• Good news: Sal Fasano is back in the majors! Better news: If he sticks with the big club (Toronto), he'll be here the weekend of May 18! [The 700 Level]

• Apparently, the new student government president at Penn is a Borat impersonator. Well, at least it's not Anchorman quotes anymore. [Daily Pennsylvanian]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:05 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Eagles To Honor Ikea, Denver Nuggets

The Philadelphia Eagles announced today they would honor both Ikea and the Denver Nuggets with an their alternate third jersey this season.

Above, Jevon Kearse and David Akers celebrate the deals on medium-quality inexpensive furniture from Eagles' owner Jeffrey Lurie's deal with the Swedish furniture maker. Akers even got a free Allen Iverson jersey.

Also, the news article on the website contains this lie, according to Brad Maule of Phillyskyline:

The Swedes were in Philadelphia before the arrival of William Penn and he incorporated their colors into the City of Philadelphia's flag.

Brad told me in an exclusive IM message he sent to me the flag was dedicated in 1885. Nonetheless, you can already buy these blue and yellow jerseys and other merchandi