If you plan on attending next year’s Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, please be advised that no one will consider you an expert on canine competitions just because you’ve seen Best in Show more than once. Even if you’ve memorized a considerable amount of the film’s dialogue, and may occasionally confuse the competition in the movie with real life, nobody cares. You should probably just pay for your Sabrett’s kosher hot dog and go back to your seat.

However, there’s also some fun to be had at the WKC show. Paws down -- see what I did there? -- the best part is of the event is the Benching Area. This is basically the holding area for all of the dogs in the competition, and they actually let regular shmoes like me walk around in there. For the cost of admission, you can actually touch dogs that are probably worth more than your first car.

You will also no doubt get the feeling that the dogs are kind of looking down on you. Mostly because a good number of them earn more in a day then you will over the course of the next five years (like the Belgian Sheepdog who moonlights as a Versace model). Also, their hair and skin care products are more expensive than yours, they have nicer jewelry, and they have in their employ people called "handlers," who cater to their every whim.

The worst part about going to the WKC show is that it can get a little dull. It's really more of a television sport. Once the actual competition begins, it's kind of hard to follow if you don’t have Lester Holt regaling you with the sad story of his recently deceased Old English Sheepdog. You have to guess what’s happening, and it’s not always the most riveting thing you’ve ever seen.

For instance, the first day of the show is really a waste of time for everyone but Bill Cosby and his ilk, because the judges spend most of the morning and afternoon going through each breed of dog and choosing the best specimen. This takes hours, and it all happens at the same time. There are about a dozen rings on the floor at that time, and each one hosts a different breed competition. It’s hard to follow, and the dogs all look the same. This is because they actually are all the same.

Luckily for you, the Madison Square Garden staff starts to serve champagne fairly early on, and you stop worrying about the fact that you don’t see what people find so cute about that Dandie Dinmont Terrier.

The second night of the show is much better, because everything is leading up to Best in Show, which is the part of the event that decides which dog will get to appear on the Today show the following morning. Personally, I was routing for the English Setter -- but only because his handler tripped and fell during the Best in Group competition and the poor dog looked confused and startled, but recovered nicely. I thought this was admirable, and figured a nice shiny trophy would make the poor dog feel a little better.

Sadly, this was not in the cards. I was also kind of hoping that the whippet who disappeared from JFK airport last year would suddenly show up and claim the grand prize, but this is because I watch too much TV and have no real grasp of reality. Instead, this year’s top honor went to the English Springer Spaniel. I actually saw this dog when we toured the Benching Area and I can attest that he is a very handsome animal. And when all is said and done, every single one of the dogs is a champion.

Be honest -- you’re just glad that weird Dandie Dinmont didn’t win.