Feb26 |
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Hipsters Now Popular Enough To Shill $30K Cars
You might be wondering just what the above photo is. Or, if you know who the people are, you might be wondering just why Philebrity power couple Joey Sweeney and Ruth Carpenter are standing in front of their Nolibs loft palming an Infiniti G. Well, I’ll clue you in: Sweeney and Carpenter are featured in a three-page “Special Advertising Section” (read: advertisement) for the Infiniti G, which they enjoyed on a weekend at the Tropicana. (”Of course!” you’re saying as you slap your head. “Of course this blogger and his girlfriend were featured in a three-page spread about their weekend with a $30,000 car at the Tropicana in Atlantic City! I should have known that!”) Follow me after the jump for an in-depth analysis of the advertisement.
Okay, so if you want to read the whole ad, here’s a PDF helpfully compiled by yours truly. The ad takes the form of a conversation between Joey and Ruth, complete with Bolded names and linebreaks. Immediately, though, Joey breaks the fourth wall by saying “So the people at Philly Mag and Infiniti are really excited to hear about what we did on Our Magical Weekend In Their Car.” I can only assume the “people at Philly Mag and Infiniti” were really excited to hear about it because they, uh, paid for it, but perhaps they were genuinely excited as well. Sweeney, however, doesn’t drive, so Ruth has to explain how the car drives and handles and how she was hit on at the car wash because of her car. Joey does explain how the sound system is good, going as far as saying “The Studio on Wheels™ Premium Audio System was amazing.” I’m not sure how one pronounces a ™. Ruth chips in saying the car is like a “future space machine.” After that, the duo heads down the AC Expressway to the Tropicana, where the two eat dinner at Red Square, the restaurant recently awarded Best Martini Bar & Best New Restaurant from Casino Player. (I researched that fact myself!) Upon entering, we get to my second favorite part of the ad, from Joey, about the giant Lenin statue holding a martini:
The two reminisce about eating shrimp and caviar and drinking vodka before Sweeney drops a “Russian equivalent of Beetle Bailey” reference, perhaps because he was getting repeatedly punched by the Russian equivalent of Sgt. Snorkel. (For some reason, I knew the sergeant in Beetle Bailey’s name. This might be worse than the ad.) They then drop recollections about the casino and getting a massage — Joey continues the trend of speaking in symbols, talking about the “mellow-down chill out bluemercury® rave room” — before Ruth wishes she didn’t have to leave the casino forever. We then get to my favorite line of the ad:
The ad closes with their drive home where, oddly, XM Satellite Radio isn’t followed by a ™ or ®. One might wonder if Infiniti expects to sell any Gs because a guy who runs a blog spent a weekend in Atlantic City wrote nice things about it. One might wonder if Sweeney can morally make fun of anyone for anything anymore. One might wonder if this is what not having health insurance drives people to do. (This might actually be the most persuasive argument for universal health care ever.) One might also wonder if I can manage to turn this ad into material for the rest of the week. (Oh, I can answer that one: YES.) But, mainly, I’m wondering how I can manage to get one of these sweet deals myself. I mean, my blog’s traffic is around the same level as Philebrity, as far as I know, and those of you who know me know I’m ridiculously easy. I mean, I feel I could at least get a Honda Fit. I mean, I’ll settle for a Kia. Or a Dodge Neon. Or maybe some Power Wheels? My inner journalist is weeping, but my inner capitalist is saying yes. |
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Hahahahaha!
Dmac, if you get a deal with Infinity, I should totally get a deal with whoever makes Lieber’s Tank. By best guestimate, the last 7 days says I win.
Sorry, but the best line was: “For starters, it’s always nice to be getting greased up by someone who doesn’t want to talk about Philebrity.”
what a fucking douche
Oh. My. God. My inner everything is weeping. This is the man who talked about the Rocky statue being a citywide sell-out? This is by far the funniest thing I’ve never read on Philebrity.
Selling out is the new in.
Earlier today, Philebs was down for quite a while. Hanging your head in SHAME, huh, SWEENEY?
oh, my….
Welcome to the new millennium folks, where having actual wealth is no longer a qualification to be a “power couple”.
I’d love to think that this is how they talk at home.
“Honey, I’m so hungry. I am really excited about dinner”
“And excited you should be! I made ACME® brand chicken, so delicious!”
“Wow, and I brought home a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon™! It’s always so smooth!”
can someone let me know which one is Joey and which one is Ruth? Hard to tell. Thanks
Of course Ruth got hit on for her car, have you seen her? She is but ugly. Like a fat ass greasy haired slug girl. Still she is too hot for Sweeney.
Comming Soon!
Joey “Jellyfish” Sweeny and The Invertebrates!
@ Johnny Brenda’s Concert Hall & Internet Cafe!
sponsored by Clear Channel & ING Direct!
you people are weirdos. why would ANYONE turn down a chance to rip-off a magazine and a gant car company?
What’s funny is that neither this piece nor Well’s ON THE RADAR about the death of hipsterness is pointed to on Philebrity. If it mocked anybody else in this town, fucking Sweeney would have had a wet-finger-in-your-goddamn-ear field day of it. I think what I like best is realizing what my mamma always told me is true: What goes around comes around. It’s not that I wish the guy ill will. I just think we all could use a reality check once and awhile. Mr. Sweeney, how about you toss a few less stones at others (didn’t you use to mock the hell out of Philly mag????) especially if you’re going to do as they do. It’s funny what people, even self-proclaimed hipsters, will do for money. Worst yet, what kind of idiot agrees to be called the king of the hipsters in the first place from a magazine that jumped the shark a long time ago? What a mess.
I’ll 2nd what Fun Vampirez said.
I was under the impression that Joey and Philebs was backed by Tower Management a development group. First to help move in cool people to the nolibs area then to also keep the buzz going on his blog so the property value would go up. In exchange he gets paid and also gets a break on his rent. So he sold out a long time ago. Now he is just getting his money. Let the man be.
I can’t believe anyone held him in high regards in the first place. He’s a poser, and yes… a WEENIE.
yeah, i think that dude just got schooled.
He Shills Sea Shells By The Seashore.
How anyone can find anything that Sweeney writes credible is beyond me.
http://www.ojr.org/ojr/stories/050217lasica/
PREVED!!!
PREVED!!!
Canyonero!!
So, why all the hate toward Joey Sweeney? I don’t get it. I’ve been in Philly 16 years. When I got here, I only read the Citypaper, not the Welcomemat. Then the Philadelphia Weekly got infinitely better than the Citypaper when the CP lost great columnists like Larry Platt and Margit Detweiler. Now, I still read the Weekly, AND Philebrity. They’re different, not competitors. I don’t seek the same info from them. I look to Philebrity for fun, like I used to look for fun from the Weekly when Jessica Pressler wrote there. Now, I just use the Weekly for information, but seriously all your hate may make me tune out altogether.
I remember when Joey Sweeney got married and moved to the burbs and all he wrote about was how OVER living in the city was and the burbs (was it Media? or Ardmore?) was were it was at, or something.
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