February 28, 2007

Leftovers: Don't Call Rendell Stupid

• A member of the Lehigh Valley International Airport board was reprimanded for calling Ed Rendell's turnpike privatization plan "stupid." He was forced to amend his remarks to calling Rendell a "big stupid doo-doo head" instead. [Allentown Morning Call]

• Apparently, there are post offices inside delis in certain more rural parts of the state. And by "more rural," I mean "Tullytown." So maybe it's more "stuck in 1959" than anything else. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Ken Rosenthal asks: Does it matter all that much that Pat Burrell is batting behind Ryan Howard? Some say "yes", others say "no"; both sides say "The other side is stupid." Ahh, America. [Fox Sports]

• The Pennsylvania LCB wants grocery stores to be able to sell beer. This will happen sometime when the state's liquor laws are relaxed, or approximately 2056. [KYW 1060]

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$660K For Pigeon Shootings

A jury in New Jersey awarded William Lakes $660,000 from the city of Brigantine after Lakes says he was harassed for reporting worker safety violations at the Department of Public Works.

The violation Lakes reported? Oh, just a little matter of DPW employees shooting pigeons for sport on the grounds of the Department of Public Works.

The story goes like this: Lakes reported the pigeon shooting to OSHA, and then a radio station reported it. I'll let the Press of Atlantic City's Shawn Hardie explain what happened next:

The suit said that Lakes' supervisors organized a meeting offering a one-hour amnesty window to any employee who could share information about the pigeon shootings, which would be turned over to police. When Lakes told supervisor John Doring what he knew after the meeting, he immediately became the subject of threats of physical violence, as well as being labeled as a "rat" and shunned by co-workers.

Since the pigeons are the rats of the avian world, I suppose it's an apt comparison.

Brigantine told to pay $600G. in harassment [Press of AC]

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Evans Throws Down Awesome Photo Op Gauntlet

Yeah, it's going to be tough to top this one.

Chinese New Year [Flickr]
Chinese New Year With Dwight Evans [Evans for Mayor]

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Mayor's Race Roundup: Milton-Free Edition

With all the Milton Street news going around, sometimes it's easy to forget there are other candidates running for mayor. Yes! That's right! I didn't know either, but I looked it up, and apparently there are, like, five other Democrats running! So let's do a little round-up in what could become a daily feature for a whole week before I forget about it.

• Bob Brady not only picked up the endorsement of the FOP but also that of Lynne Abraham. He's looking to complete the law-and-order trifecta by getting the crucial endorsement of ADA Jack McCoy. [Fight For Room 215; 6 ABC]

• But at least three of the other candidates were able to address the FOP in an attempt to get their endorsement. The FOP didn't even want to hear Chaka Fattah because he failed to vote "Yes" -- by, indeed, voting "No" -- on a bill in the House of Representatives bashing a town in France for naming a street after Mumia Abu-Jamal. (Also he wants a new trial for the man convicted of the 1981 murder of Daniel Faulkner.) So, yes, it's a street in France is playing a role in this year's mayor's race. [Metro]

• Speaking of Fattah, PW's own Kia Gregory has a nice Chaka Fattah cover story today about how Fattah once competed in the Wing Bowl. Okay, so it's actually about his career in politics and why he wants to be mayor and all that jazz. But I do believe if El Wingador ran for mayor, he'd win. [Philadelphia Weekly]

• And here's Fattah's technology plan and Michael Nutter's emergency plan. The city currently doesn't really have a, how you say, " a real good plan" to deal with emergencies in the case of an attack or hurricane or whatever. [The Next Mayor]

• Oh, and Metro Anthony DiMeo beat reporter Josh Cornfeld Brian X. McCrone -- the 'X' is for "Malcolm" -- asked Sam Katz what he felt about the mayor's race. And Sam Katz, of course, played the race card. This mayor's race is a play, and everyone involved in it is just an actor. That has to be it. [Fight For Room 215]

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'Metro' Wishes Danielynn Had Never Been Born

Geeze. A little harsh, don't you think?

Anna Nicole and the importance of Plan B [Metro]
Related: Plan B

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Phillies Merchandising Dept. Ruins Popular Character

Hey, Philadelphia Phillies! You have a mascot beloved by all people, young and old, man and woman, Phillies fan and non-Phillies fan. Here's an idea: How about you not ruin the Phillie Phanatic by making a giant creepy foam head!

It's a bad business decision, too. This thing looks like, if you put it on your head, you'd immediately suffocate. Not just bad PR for the Phillies, but, once you're dead, you can't buy any more Phillies merchandise. (Okay, maybe an officially licensed Phillies casket.)

But if the Philliesa re going to make a suffocating giant foam head, couldn't they at least make it not tremendously scary and ruinous to everyone's memories of the giant green whatever-he-is that makes the fans cheer?

Of course, that's not your only option for Phillies-related purchasing. First off, the Police reunion tour plays Citizens Bank Park on July 19 (and Hersheypark Stadium on July 20). Tickets are $9,000 each.

And, if you're looking for a gift for a youngster -- not that youngsters can't like the Police, but, well -- there's always this Phillies-themed Memory game, which the Phils' website helpfully notes is non-violent. I don't know, I've played some games of Memory that turned pretty bloody.

Philadelphia Phillies Phanatic Foamhead [Phillies.com Shop]
Non-Violent Toys Philadelphia Phillies Mix Match [Phillies.com Shop]
The Police make long-awaited return to the Philadelphia area [Phillies.com]

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Tomorrow: Milton Man March

Yesterday, 94 WYSP's Kidd Chris pretty much blew open the whole "let's interview wacky ol' Milton Street" genre of local TV news by having Milton on for an entire hour to talk about his campaign, his indictment and -- most importantly -- his rally at City Hall tomorrow. Chris (or someone on his show) also came up with the tremendous, why-didn't-I-think-of-that title for tomorrow's rally, the Milton Man March. So thanks to Kidd Chris for putting the "Milton Man March" ball in play; I hope he doesn't mind if I run with it.

And, yes, I am excited. Tomorrow at noon, Milton Street expects 5,000 people to show up at his rally in Dilworth Plaza -- or, "Dilsworth Plaza," as he calls it -- in the northwest corner. And -- get this -- Milton says there's going to be a reggae band at the rally. He says if you come down "you won't miss it." (He also said on this other awesome interview on KYW 1060, "We're up to 59 killings. I didn't read today's paper, it might be up to 65 -- we went through another night.")

Milton says you shouldn't miss it. And, of course, I won't miss it. And, if you want this hilarity to continue, I don't think you should miss it, either. I love this city. Run, Milt, run!

The Kidd Chris Show Podcasts [94.1 FreeFM]
Interview - Milton Street [KYW 1060]

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Keystone Cops: Piracy Funds Terrorism

Keystone Cops is a daily look at crime, police, public safety and drug news. Homicide totals are unofficial.

• Warren Greene, of Spinsters Records in New Hope, has been charged with violating federal copyright laws. He allegedly had 5,000 bootleg/pirated/etc. CDs. RIAA agents worked with federal investigators -- not quite sure how that works, but whatevs -- blah blah blah you know how these things work. Fight the man, Warren! [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Jon Corzine is looking to start a new bear patrol to keep the bear from scaring away New Jersey's salmon. Also, people should remove their bird feeders as to not attract those lovable black bears. Obligatory Simpsons reference: "We're here! We're queer! We don't want any more bears!" [AP/CBS 3]

• Philly: Murder Capital of the Big Cities. Well that's not a very good nickname at all. However, indoor murders are up the most, possibly due to the recent cold spell. Oh. [Daily News]

• 26-year-old Kareem Hutt was charged with one of the 18 splash-and-grab robberies. Hutt has been charged in connection with a robbery at a Voorhees Wawa, but not any of the others. [Inquirer]

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The Phillies Are Totally Going To Lose To Florida State

Yes! The Phillies spring training season officially begins tonight, as the Phillies play their first game after a few weeks of practice. Although the regulars won't play much, it'll be nice to hear that Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins and the gang were hustling out there in something where score is kept, and... oh, what's that? They're playing Florida State? (At right: Florida State golf balls.) Oh, that can't be good.

It's not uncommon for good college teams to play major league clubs in exhibition games before the season starts. But with pretty much everyone jacked up about the local nine this season, it'd be just like the Phillies -- or, really, any Philadelphia team -- to drop the first exhibition game to a college team. Dammit. They're totally going to do that. They're totally going to lose to this stupid college team and everyone's going to be deflated immediately, even though it doesn't matter.

Erhm. I mean: Go Phils. Lose and we're through with you. Hey, I know it's early, but we ain't going to take losing to a college team. Especially since the Flyers and Sixers would probably lose to a couple of 'em.

Phillies ready to tackle Seminoles [Daily News]

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'Daily News' Clarifies Most Imp't Mayoral Issue

A correction in today's paper:

A story in yesterday's paper about several mayoral candidates' visit to Central High School misstated their cheese-steak preferences. Chaka Fattah, Tom Knox and Michael Nutter all favor Pat's; Al Taubenberger and Bob Brady prefer Geno's.

Phew. I'm glad we cleared this up.

Correction 02.28 [DN]

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Principal Arrested For Dealing Meth, Scrubbing His Skin Until He Can Get All The Giant Spiders Off

The principal of a middle school in Bethlehem has been arrested for allegedly being a meth dealer. Cops say 50-year-old John Acerra sold crystal meth to police informants three times this month.

Now, why would a man in a such a low-paying position of middle school principal attempt to make extra money in the occasionally high-paying profession of illegal drug sales? Oh, wait. Police say Acerra used and sold crystal meth for at least five months before his arrest, and had meth on his desk when he was arrested.

Cops originally found out due to a police informant. After witnessing a drug deal, the cops arrested the dude who bought the drugs, who then wore a wire in order to catch the principal dealing and eradicate meth from Bethlehem forever. Acerra, of course, sold the meth from his office.

Police asked the confidential informant about the principal after some curious special days at the school, like "Stay Up For Three Days Straight Day" and "Holy Shit They're Closing In On Me Day", not to mention "The Dogs, The Dogs, They're All After Me Day."

Nitschmann principal in meth bust [Allentown Morning Call]
Reports: Principal Busted For Selling Meth In School Office [NBC 10]

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Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

John Baer: Oh my God look who would win the presidential election if it were held today in Pennsylvania! Of course, to hold the presidential election today would mean there was some sort of coup against the president by people weird enough to take control of the country and then simply move up the regularly-scheduled election two years. I dunno, that seems kind of unlikely.

Jill Porter: Wow, a real life story was not black-and-white. However, please note this is one of the first times a Daily News columnist has realized an issue is not black-and-white.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Philly Love #64: CBS 3

Just for this headline:

I don't know what it takes to label an interview with Milton Effing Street -- also interviewed here and here and here and here and probably a few hundred other places, too -- exclusive, but I do know it takes a lot of it, whatever it is. Good show, CBS 3. Good show.

CBS 3 Exclusive: Milton Street Interview [CBS 3]

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February 27, 2007

Leftovers: Flyers Get Lilliputian Goalie

• The Flyers traded for 6-2, 174-pound goaltender Martin Biron today, because what they really need is another goaltender. But as my friend Tim pointed out, uhm, someone must have shrunk his head sometime a few years back. This is good, as cash-strapped Comcast can use a thimble instead of a goalie helmet, therefore saving on costs. [ESPN.com]

• Friends of the local nude American Idol contestant have come to her defense. "It's not her in some of the photos!" they say. The people of the Internet responded by liking her a lot less now that it's not her in that porn. [AP/Philly.com]

• The Real World production company is attempting to help solve the boy-in-the-box murder with a band of idiot reality show contestants. Exactly how am I not making this up? [Philebrity]

• Study: Vanity on the rise among college students. Study: The propensity to point out the obvious on the rise among researchers. [AP/CNN.com]

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'Metro' Drops Some Funky Shit

I'll spare you some sort of annoying joke ("joke") along the lines of "Oh yeah contributing to the horrible, pointless drug war surely is the right thing to do", because, well, eh, I'm in a good mood and don't want to get into a worse one. But I will say this: I am glad that I live in a city where the only daily newspaper that would print "shit" in a pretty much unedited form -- when you use "sh-t," you're pretty much using "shit" -- is the fucking Metro. At least one paper in this city doesn't treat us like we're five. Well, in this instance, at least.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Democrats Wasting Money Faster Than Republicans

Hey! Do you know much aides in state government make? If you're reading this blog, there's a good chance they make more than you! (Note to potential advertisers: This is a joke. The average income of a Philadelphia Will Do reader is approximately $200,000, all of it in disposable income.)

Figures released yesterday show the Democrats, surprise surprise, pay their employees more than the Republicans do. The Republicans, on the other hand, make their employees work Christmas Eve and don't give them health insurance, leading to the death of 17 children named Tiny Tim. Also all of the Democratic employees are illegal immigrants.

House Democratic employees are costing taxpayers $34.5 million a year for their 835 employees, with an average salary of $41,261.

House Republicans, on the other hand, are spending $30.9 million on payroll annually for their 839 employees, with an average salary of $36,912.

House Democrats handed out $1,854,505 in bonuses last year to employees, nearly seven times higher than House Republicans' $269,661.

The difference was reversed in 2005, when House Republicans handed out $649,661 in employee bonuses, compared with House Democrats' lesser $468,271.

You know, the Republicans have done a nice job of winning the spending (or, if you wish, wasting) money war on the national level. But it's good to see that, at least in this state, the Democrats are still on top of their game. My philosophy is: The more the government spends money, the funnier it gets. So, really, these totals can only mean good things for this blog.

House Democrats paying staff more than Republicans [Bucks County Courier Times]

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Suburban Radio Station Praises Suburban Candidate

This morning, future mayor of the combined city of New South Jersadelphia — "The City of Brotherly Something Or Other" -- one Milton Street showed up to talk about his campaign on 610 WIP. But of course, you say! Right. The Inquirer's very own award-winning headline writer, Peter Mucha, liveblogged the whole thing, which is a pretty nice service for those of us who don't want to listen to it.

The brief recap: Cataldi says he's supporting Street and "his brilliant new strategy." Milton's brilliant new strategy, apparently, is to tell black people to stop killing each other: "You're never going to take white's folks taxes... and put 'em in the black community so black folks can stop killing each other." Well, ehm, okay.

Milton Street also is backtracking on his promise that if 5,000 people don't show up at his rally March 3 at City Hall, he's going to drop out of the race. He says that just a lot of people will do.

Despite not living in Philadelphia, Cataldi says Milton Street has his vote. (Yeah, I'd put in the "well if Milton can run for mayor while living in Jersey" joke here, but Cataldi already made it.) Then, after the interview, former Eagles defensive end/ambassador of fun/Terrell Owens attacker Hugh Douglas became the voice of sanity:

"That was a shame. That was a shame. I don't even know what to say after that ... You know, two crazy people on the radio shouldn't talk to each other. ... It's ridiculous. I can't believe you did that."

Anyway, I feel that since Cataldi is a Milton Street supporter, he should go the extra mile and run on his ticket for the position I just made up, Vice Mayor. Hey, if an indicted New Jersey resident can run for mayor, I don't see why a suburban radio host can't run for a made-up position. Cataldi is expected to run on a platform of tax breaks for Steven Singer and tax-exempt status for wing-related events.

If you have a better stomach than I do -- oh, who am I kidding, I was up at 6 to listen to it -- 610 WIP has the whole thing up as an MP3.

Milton on the Morning Show [610 WIP, .mp3]
Live From... Milton Street's Mouth [Live From...]

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Rich Person Amuses Self With $2.3M Baseball Card

Yesterday, the owner of the most famous and rare baseball card -- the Honus Wagner T206 from 1909 -- sold it for a record $2.3 million.

There were only a few cards produced, because Wagner asked the company to stop making them. But the T206 variant purchased yesterday (right) was extra rare because some jokester used Photoshop 0.1 to put in Teddy Roosevelt and the late Ed Delahanty into the card.

Mantle, President Bush Photoshopped Into Jeter's Baseball Card [Sports Collectors Daily]
Honus Wagner baseball card sells for record $2.3 million [AP/CNNSI.com]
T206 [Wikipedia]
Ed Delahanty [Wikipedia]

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The Following Obit Headline Presented Without Comment

Thomas Caputa Sr., 84, a fan of flea markets [Bucks County Courier Times]

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Keystone Cops: Before There Was Dick In A Box...

Keystone Cops is a daily look at crime, police, public safety and drug news. Homicide totals are unofficial.

• Yesterday was the 50th anniversary of the "boy in the box" murder, Philadelphia's most famous -- and, really, strangest -- unsolved mystery. No one has ever figured out who the boy is, who murdered him and put him in a box and pretty much anything else in the case. It's all very strange, but, I mean, whoever murdered him is possibly dead, right? Which kind of makes it sadder, I guess. [Inquirer]

• Seventeen people were arrested at a brawl at Camden High yesterday. "They were using nightsticks and hitting us for no reason," said Izzy Tomlinson, a senior. "It was one little fight turned into this big thing -- they Tased children." Except Jersey cops aren't allowed to use Tasers, so... uh... do they have them? The cops say no. Kids? Lying to make themselves look better? Well I never! [Camden Courier-Post]

• Police seized 40 bags of crack in an undercover drug deal in Bensalem. And, as such, the supply of drugs in our area ended for good. [Bucks County Courier Times]

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Bad Ex-Sixer Says Team Is Better Without Good Ex-Sixer

Ooh! Ooh! I know who else they're better off without!

(By the way, last night's box score: John Salmons, 17 minutes, 0 points.)

Salmons: Sixers better off without A.I. [Daily news]

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Hipsters Continue Infiniti Media Blitz

I must say, I was so enamored by the Joey Sweeney/Philebrity Infiniti testimonial that I missed this continuation of the Philebrity/Infiniti crossover later in the magazine (click to enlarge):

I don't know about you guys, but I'm picking one up tomorrow.

Yesterday: Hipsters Now Popular Enough To Shill $30K Cars

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Milton Playing Musical Chairs With Lawyers

Sometimes we must have forgotten why Milton Street -- duck boat operator, mayor's brother, hot dog vendor, mayoral candidate, traffic ticket scofflaw -- was in the news in the first place. He is, of course, facing trial for fraud and tax evasion after he was indicted last year. (Be sure to take note of the headline on that Nov. 28, 2006 link: "Milton Street Indicted, To Announce Mayoral Bid Soon." Prophetic.)

Of course, he's pretty much done everything but prepare for his trial in the last few weeks, focusing instead on his mayoral bid, his wacky interviews with the local media and coming up with old movies to pinch campaign slogans (Watermelon Man) and/or campaign ideas (Police Academy 4) from.

Well, apparently, that's not the best legal defense strategy, as Street's court-appointed lawyer has quit due to a difference of opinion with Street on how to handle the case. Perhaps, the Inquirer's Robert Moran theorizes, she wanted him to stop running for mayor and stop giving interviews to any schmoe with a microphone. But no one would say, and Street later said he wasn't sure why his lawyer, Jeanne K. Damirgian, quit the case.

The Daily News, however, quotes from court papers to show that it wasn't just a lawyer leaving, it was more like a divorce.

Last Thursday, Damirgian filed court papers saying her professional relationship with Street had "deteriorated," the two had "irreconcilable differences," and she no longer wanted to represent him.

Oh, Milton. Keep up the good work, buddy.

Milton's own lawyer has had enough [Inquirer]
Lawyer quits Milton's case [Daily News]

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Independent Speaker To Piss Off Everyone, Hopefully

Newly elected State House Speaker/professional soul stealer Denny O'Brien is in an interesting position: He's the Republican Speaker of the House, but the Democrats hold a one-seat edge.

As you may remember, ex-Speaker -- and current "Speaker Emeritus," a new title somebody made up to make him feel better -- John Perzel had a naked, sex-crazed legislator agree to vote for him so he could stay as Speaker. But then the Democrats came up with a trick of their own and randomly nominated Denny O'Brien as Speaker, getting some Republicans to vote for him instead of Perzel and giving the Democrats a chance to still have some power.

Of course, this leaves O'Brien in a tough position. He's a Republican, so he's not going to defer to the Democrats too much, I assume, or else the party will find someone to run against him in Northeast Philly (or something). But if he defers to the Republicans too much, the Democrats will just find somebody else to put in that spot. And if he's totally 100 percent independent and fair, both parties are going to be begging for John Perzel to be back by the summer. (If both parties are pissed, you know he's doing a good job.)

He tells KYW 1060's Tony Romeo, though, he's going to go the independent route:

"So those who see only weakness in the speaker model, do not confuse independence with ineffectiveness. To those who seek only to preserve the status quo, the public has spoken and continues to speak loudly: no more." [Do you really think the public speaks in such angry, simple, vapid terms? Wait, that makes sense. —ed.]

O’Brien says his role as a speaker of the minority party represents a “paradigm shift” in House governance, one where the speaker will not give up authority but instead will administer it fairly across the board.

Administer it fairly across the board, eh? I give him six months until both parties hire a pack of wild dogs to tear him apart.

New Pa. House Speaker Highlights His ''Independence'' [KYW 1060]

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Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

Ronnie Polaneczky: "Ninety percent of the CEOs in the biggest American corporations didn't go to Ivy League schools, while a number of notorious criminals - including Michael Milken and the Unabomber - sure did." 100 percent of the good columnists in the world don't work for the Daily News, while a number of the shittiest ones sure do. What, no Ira Einhorn reference? (Or: I know someone who will be playing the don't-vote-for-Michael-Nutter because-he's-smart-and-went-to-Penn and-would-do-a-good-job card in a few months!)

Carol Towarnicky: People should work!

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Toll Brothers Destroying Open Land, Frogs

Andrew Leonard's "How the World Works" column on Salon wrote about Toll Brothers the other day. And, apparently, in addition to building McMansions all over Jersey -- possibly built by Jeff Thomason -- they're also, uh, killing frogs?

California is a strange land that prefigures possible futures for the world. The Toll Brothers' Dublin Ranch is one version. The frogs peeping on Morgan Territory Road are another. The struggle to keep one version from destroying all others is eternal.

I think that's what he's trying to say. But, then again, I read paragraphs like this

The paradox that I had plenty of time to think about as I waited for the lights to change at the humongous intersections standing ready for the hordes of cars to come, is that the San Francisco Bay Area can be simultaneously home to such car-centered contemporary culture, and to one of the largest community of progressive activists dedicated to smart growth and ecological sustainability in the world. And while from my corner of the blogosphere I find myself fascinated by such topics as China's environmental chaos and biopiracy in the Amazon rain forest and genetically modified cotton in the Warangal district of India's Andhra Pradesh, right in my backyard, a titanic struggle between the capitalist-driven tendency for unrestrained development and the hard-headedness of Bay Area open space activists is being fought every day.

and I spend the rest of the article saying to myself, "How can you write so many fucking words and not say anything?" Also, I believe anyone who writes "from my corner of the blogosphere" should be punched, repeatedly, by me. Ah, shit, I got about 20 people to get to.

The battle for California, as seen by bike [Salon (you have to watch an annoying ad first)]

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Philly Love #63: Central Girls Hoops

Almost every year, Central High School's girls' basketball team makes it to the public league championship. And every year, they have girls that look like this.

Seriously, what do they feed the girls at Central? It's like this every year; girls who could not only kill me with one punch, but can do a pretty good job driving to the hoop as well! Did you see that one girl's play? She's, like, Charles Barkley but she can make a sweet spin move to the basket.

Perhaps this is why, even though I couldn't watch a WNBA game if you paid me to, I always, without fail, enjoy both the boys' and girls' public league championship games every year. (Plus, there's always some unintentional hilarity from announcer Don Tollefson.)

Posted by D-Mac at 09:10 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 26, 2007

Leftovers: Heroic Rock Shows Kindness

• My campaign to have the news media stop anthropomorphizing famous animals continues to hit snags with this headline from the Inquirer: "Puppy rescued in Camden shows gratitude, fortitude." [Inquirer]

• PennDOT was way ahead of you this time, salting the roads and making sure there was no backup on Interstate 78 this week to battle the huge ice storm we were sure to get in these above-freezing temperatures. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Oh, yea, the Eagles decided not to bring back the 37-year-old quarterback who was terrible in Cleveland and Detroit and half-decent here in favor of the younger guy with more hair. Fans will continue to argue Jeff Garcia vs. AJ Feeley, as well as which guy has the hotter girlfriend (Carmella DeCesare vs. Heather Mitts). [Inquirer]

• Seventeen people were arrested after a brawl at Camden High School. Six people went to the hospital. Huzzah. [Camden Courier-Post]

• Whoever Photoshopped Mickey Mantle and George W. Bush onto Derek Jeter's Topps card this year, I owe you a beer. [Sports Collectors Daily via Deadspin]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:15 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Mayor Street Upset By Hypothetical Philly Disaster, Still Ambivalent About Current Philadelphia Disaster

If you're wondering what has John Street's ire these days, it's not the city's murder rate, or the lack of snow removal last storm, his brother Milton or even the terrible play of the Flyers and 76ers.

No, he's upset about a new book that hypothesizes about a terrorist attack in Philadelphia. That's not the whole point of Stephen Flynn's The Edge of Disaster -- which "offers a chilling Philadelphia scenario in which terrorists target the Sunoco refinery, causing toxic fumes to drift over Citizens Bank Park packed with Phillies fans" -- but it's gotten Street up in arms nonetheless:

"They ought to be qualified in a way so that they’re not calculated or likely to create any kind of panic in Philadelphia, New York or any other cities."

With any luck, this will happen during a Phillies-Mets game, taking out a bunch of North Jersey residents in the process. Hey, you have to break a few eggs to make an omelet.

New Terrorist Book Upsets Mayor Street [KYW 1060]

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Hipsters Now Popular Enough To Shill $30K Cars

You might be wondering just what the above photo is. Or, if you know who the people are, you might be wondering just why Philebrity power couple Joey Sweeney and Ruth Carpenter are standing in front of their Nolibs loft palming an Infiniti G.

Well, I'll clue you in: Sweeney and Carpenter are featured in a three-page "Special Advertising Section" (read: advertisement) for the Infiniti G, which they enjoyed on a weekend at the Tropicana. ("Of course!" you're saying as you slap your head. "Of course this blogger and his girlfriend were featured in a three-page spread about their weekend with a $30,000 car at the Tropicana in Atlantic City! I should have known that!")

Follow me after the jump for an in-depth analysis of the advertisement.

Okay, so if you want to read the whole ad, here's a PDF helpfully compiled by yours truly.

The ad takes the form of a conversation between Joey and Ruth, complete with Bolded names and linebreaks. Immediately, though, Joey breaks the fourth wall by saying "So the people at Philly Mag and Infiniti are really excited to hear about what we did on Our Magical Weekend In Their Car." I can only assume the "people at Philly Mag and Infiniti" were really excited to hear about it because they, uh, paid for it, but perhaps they were genuinely excited as well.

Sweeney, however, doesn't drive, so Ruth has to explain how the car drives and handles and how she was hit on at the car wash because of her car. Joey does explain how the sound system is good, going as far as saying "The Studio on Wheels™ Premium Audio System was amazing." I'm not sure how one pronounces a ™. Ruth chips in saying the car is like a "future space machine."

After that, the duo heads down the AC Expressway to the Tropicana, where the two eat dinner at Red Square, the restaurant recently awarded Best Martini Bar & Best New Restaurant from Casino Player. (I researched that fact myself!) Upon entering, we get to my second favorite part of the ad, from Joey, about the giant Lenin statue holding a martini:

"My inner socialist was weeping, but my mouth was saying yes."

The two reminisce about eating shrimp and caviar and drinking vodka before Sweeney drops a "Russian equivalent of Beetle Bailey" reference, perhaps because he was getting repeatedly punched by the Russian equivalent of Sgt. Snorkel. (For some reason, I knew the sergeant in Beetle Bailey's name. This might be worse than the ad.)

They then drop recollections about the casino and getting a massage -- Joey continues the trend of speaking in symbols, talking about the "mellow-down chill out bluemercury® rave room" -- before Ruth wishes she didn't have to leave the casino forever.

We then get to my favorite line of the ad:

Joey: I'd like to point out that thanks to Wellington's, my Bloody Mary and shrimp intake reached a new high for a single 24-hour period. It was like the Olympics of Shrimp with me down there. The Shrimplympics!

The ad closes with their drive home where, oddly, XM Satellite Radio isn't followed by a ™ or ®.

One might wonder if Infiniti expects to sell any Gs because a guy who runs a blog spent a weekend in Atlantic City wrote nice things about it. One might wonder if Sweeney can morally make fun of anyone for anything anymore. One might wonder if this is what not having health insurance drives people to do. (This might actually be the most persuasive argument for universal health care ever.) One might also wonder if I can manage to turn this ad into material for the rest of the week. (Oh, I can answer that one: YES.)

But, mainly, I'm wondering how I can manage to get one of these sweet deals myself. I mean, my blog's traffic is around the same level as Philebrity, as far as I know, and those of you who know me know I'm ridiculously easy. I mean, I feel I could at least get a Honda Fit. I mean, I'll settle for a Kia. Or a Dodge Neon. Or maybe some Power Wheels?

My inner journalist is weeping, but my inner capitalist is saying yes.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:40 PM | Comments (33) | TrackBack

Store Employees Turn Away Free Money

As you may have heard by now, on Saturday Fusion on South Street got the best delivery ever: A five gallon drum of marjiuana -- California marijuana at that! Not some cheap shwag. (I just had to look up "shwag" to see if it had a 'c' in it. It does not.)

6 ABC got a big ol' exclusive report on Saturday about the marijuana delivery. You think this would get the people who work at Fusion in trouble for doing this, but -- get this! -- they called the police. It would be like if a free $90,000 showed up at your house and you decided to turn it into the police. And then -- and then! -- another giant barrel of MJ showed up at the place, from a different delivery company, and they called the cops again.

So, basically, that's $180 grand down the drain, almost enough to buy a pair of jeans at Fusion. And all because... they wanted to get on TV? They think marijuana, a drug less dangerous than aspirin, is evil? They wanted to do their civic duty? To be honest, I have no idea. But I can think of several actions that would result in a net profit of thousands of dollars after getting randomly, anonymously shipped a bucket full o' marijuana.

Then again, maybe there were three buckets of marijuana. Oh, that would be a devious plan indeed.

Buckets of Pot Mailed to Upscale Store [6 ABC]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:50 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

Ed Rendell Won't Challenge William Howard Taft For Title Of 'Most Rotund Person In White House'

While at a National Governors Association meeting in Washington over the weekend, Ed Rendell quelled any rumors, not that there were any, that he was going to be on a ticket for Vice President, saying he'd rather be governor.

"I like to be my own boss," he said. This is good, of course, so we won't be subjected to Gov. Catherine Baker Knoll, who spends her time in office having the state senate serenaded by a parrot. Although this would certainly up the comedy potential in Pennsylvania, it's probably better we have a governor who doesn't bring parrots in to sing "Camptown Races" to the legislature.

It is sad, though, that Rendell won't get a chance to go after William Howard Taft's record of "most rotund president or vice president." However, after seeing him last night at the Oscars, it appears Al Gore is vying for that title in the 2008 elections.

Rendell says he won't run for vice president in '08 [AP/Center Daily Times]
Al, Tipper and ex-Futurama writer Kristin Gore [AP/Yahoo!]
Oct. 26, 2005: Singing parrot upsets top Pa. senator (this entry is joke free)

Posted by D-Mac at 02:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Chase Utley To Hit Doubles, Cut Emissions

The Oscar for Best Documentary wasn't the only thing Al Gore picked up for An Inconvenient Truth. No, it's also picked up the endorsement of one Phillies second baseman Chase Utley!

Yes, that's right. Utley doesn't just eat at Morning Glory and score from second on a groundout, he also wants to cut his own emissions and help stop global warming. Indeed! Perhaps based on the fact Jon Lieber has a truck that gets 12 miles to the gallon and has melted six polar ice caps itself, Utley plans on buying a hybrid car and show Lieber and Aaron Rowand (who has a similar humongous car) the movie.

He's also signed the petition on stopglobalwarming.org:

I'm marching because I know how important it is for all of us to face the reality of global warming. It's real, it's a danger and it threatens the well-being of all of us. I love America but I don't love how wasteful we are. With five percent of the world's population, we consume twenty-five percent of the planet's energy. We need to address global warming in a serious and meaningful way. All of us, not just those of us marching, need to take steps NOW to conserve. We need to think outside the corporate box on this - to solar, wind power, hybrids. We need a major shift in our mindset on what makes up the American dream. It's not two SUV's in every garage, it's creating a good and sustainable life for all of us for generations to come. For me, doing so will start with the very first step I take on this march. This is only the beginning.

Awesome. I look forward to fluorescent light bulbs in the Phillies locker room this year.

Marcher: Chase Utley [SGW]
Utley fights for the environment [Phillies.com, 2nd item]
'Truth' generates Oscar win [Camden Courier-Post]
Feb. 15: Jon Lieber's Truck

Posted by D-Mac at 01:19 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Fix My Car Or I'll Put Up Magnetic Signs!

When I was in high school, I used to drive by this couple almost every day that would stand out front of a store with sandwichboards on, urging people not to shop there. "Refund my $500, Andalusia Television," the one sign said (something like that, at least). "Don't shop at Andalusia TV," read the other. I can only assume that, unless Andalusia TV refunded their $500, the old couple is still there, still asking for $500, still urging people not to get their TVs repaired -- if people still do, indeed, get their televisions repaired -- at Andalusia TV.

Point is, people go a little over-the-top when they think somebody cheated them out of money. Such is the case with Jim Broomell, who hates Cherry Hill Dodge so much he's affixed magnetic signs on his truck saying "Cherry Hill Dodge Sucks." He even has a website dedicated to hating Cherry Hill Dodge, available at the easy-to-remember URL cherryhilltriplexscrewedmesuedmeandlost.com.

And, indeed, Cherry Hill Dodge -- aka Cherry Hill Triplex -- did sue Jim Broomell for putting those signs on the side of his truck, and did indeed lose after the lawsuit was thrown out on a technicality.

The story, recounted with more patience that I'd be able to muster by the Inky's Troy Graham, goes like this: Broomell bought a used truck, which faltered. Broomell filed a lemon-law suit and got a nice warranty out of it. When he took it to Cherry Hill Dodge, they refused to work on it. He then sued, but the case was later thrown out.

Cherry Hill Dodge's lawyer says Broomell was "yelling and screaming at people", they were tired of dealing with him, so they didn't work on his car. But after his lawsuit was thrown out, he put the magnetic stickers on his truck -- and then the dealership sued him, accusing him of hurting the business with his signs.

Now that the case has been thrown out, Broomell is considering suing them again, this time for court costs, about $500. (He's been acting as his own lawyer.)

Here's Broomell's summary on his website:

I bought a truck there with a warranty. I had problems with the truck shaking at 60+ mph. I took it to "my selling dealer" while it was under warranty. The mechanics at Cherry Hill Triplex couldn't figure out what was wrong with the truck so Cherry Hill Triplex told me they were not going to work on it anymore. I told them I would drive around with these signs if they didn't fix it! So I did, as well as told my story to several websites. Cherry Hill Triplex responded by suing me - a customer of theirs! I represented myself against their big corporate firm Capehart and Scatchard. In fact, the opposing attorney, Laura Ruccolo, was rated one of "SJ's Top Attorneys" on page 41 of the August issue of SJ Magazine. (Editor's Note: Sounds like someone doesn't understand how those "South Jersey's Top Attorneys" promotions work!)

Ahh, yes, the old "fix my car or I'll put big giant magnetic signs on my truck" angle. Well, hey, I suppose it worked, though I can't fathom getting upset enough about anything to put signs on my car about it. But, hey, that's why I'm an amused observer of this saga rather than a participant. Keep it up, Jim! Maybe you can lease out the rest of your truck to other people who hate certain businesses. You could be a one-man traveling hate machine! Think about it.

Needless to say, he also started his own Google Group called "Cherry Hill Triplex Sucks."

The Internet as battleground of free speech [Inquirer]
cherryhilltriplexscrewedmesuedmeandlost.com

Posted by D-Mac at 12:17 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Keystone Cops: 58 Is No-So-Great

Keystone Cops is a daily look at crime, police, public safety and drug news. Homicide totals are unofficial.

• Philadelphia had its 58th homicide last night, easily outpacing last year's total of 49 at this point. There was a little lull in mid-January, but now the city is just rollin', rollin', rollin', possibly to 500 homicides! We'll be at Revolution War-level mortality rate in this city before long! Sigh. [Inquirer]

• Additionally, weekend gun violence killed four other people and wounded six. One of the incidents with wounded men was in front of the CVS at 19th and Chestnut, after a dispute at Tragos. Naturally, the people involved in that one were from Jersey. Hey, go to your TGI Friday's in your own state, jerks! [Inquirer]

• A woman in Buxco is pushing for methadone clinics to be open on Sundays so patients can't take or sell their Sunday take-home dose. [The Intelligencer]

• The Tropicana in A.C. is going smoke-free with non-gambling smoking lounges. [Camden Courier-Post]

• And this Daily News letter writer wants you to know that even though these people died in a fire, they broke the law with their illegal electricity hookup and so they deserved it, or something. [DN]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:31 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Texting Teens Ravaging Interstates

Like, ohmigod! So, yesterday, the Inquirer, like, totally ran a story about how me and my friends text while driving. How ridic, right?

The only thing is, it was all about how we shouldn't be texting each other while we're driving, and, like, how dangerous it is? Only me and Courtney never got in any accidents! Why are they allowed to print stuff like that?

They even talked to some dude at a college? Like, a professor or something? And they said he was a "texting expert"! Only, he was kind of on our side! He said, like, it's unfair to take away our texting while we're driving because we do it so much! He went something like, "Asking students to be without one of their primary forms of communication while en route in cars is asking too much of them."

But, then, like, the writer? Went something like, "Maybe, but shouldn't someone at least be telling them that it's not the safest way to conduct a life?" Like, ohmigod, let me live my life, you know what I'm sayin'? Like, I can text while driving, I know all the words I need to hit in T9!

And then, they talked to some other guy, right? And he said that it was kids on the Main Line who did it the most! Why do they always have to blame the Main Line kids? I mean, it's not like the blow they do in Bloomsdale is any different than the blow we do here! Like, ohmigod! Oh, by the way, can you hook me up, I'm all out? Oh, great!

Yea, whatever! Because I mean, like, totally, full out! And I'm, like, totally getting tired of writing this way, but I don't want to give up the (awful) joke now! There are still more quotes to, like, make fun of! And, like, the writer, like, talked to this girl, who said she texts and hasn't gotten in any accidents!

And she said: "We're just a fast-paced generation. I can eat a McDonald's meal in 30 seconds. I text while I drive to make plans with friends, or to tell my friends about someone I met the night before, or to occupy my mind if nothing good is on the radio. I can't help but respond right away if I get a text. I don't like waiting. The world today is going fast."

Like, right? I mean, just yesterday I was in an eating contest and I ate a whole McDonald's meal in 25 seconds! Ohmigod! Oh, hold on, I have another call.—click—Yeah, of course I want to go see Fall Out Boy, Brandon! I gotta go, alright!—click—But then some "expert" said that if we even talk on the phone while driving we could crash! But what if there's somebody in the seat next to us? I'm, like, not going to, like, not talk! He even said we could get charged with a "serious offense" if we cause a crash!

Oh, you gotta go? Alright. Like, I'll text you about it later!

Behind the wheel, teens typing away [Inquirer]
[Image by sean dreilinger, licensed via Creative Commons]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:00 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

Forecast From The Heavens

I missed this on the first readthrough, but apparently Jesus' message wasn't just that of tolerance and peace, but also of low pressure systems and freezing rain:

Christ said that overnight the region could get 2 to 4 inches of snow from the eastbound storm - 3 to 5 if it combined with a storm moving north off the coast from the Carolinas.

As you can see from the photo, in addition to a freezing rain headed our way, Jesus has also made an incredibly good call -- phew! -- by rejecting the Devil's calls to worship him in exchange for all the kingdoms of the world. Although, ah, judging by the leaders we have now, one with a message of tolerance, love and peace might be kind of a nice break.

Winter, Round Two [Inquirer]
Temptation of Jesus [Wikipedia]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

John Baer: Chaka Fattah risks car crashes in order to talk about policy he's so dedicated!

Urban Warrior Chris Brennan: People paid on commission sometimes cheat the customer, even if they have to break the law.

Stu Bykofsky: Death is a bitch, bitches.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:48 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

This Season Just Keeps Getting Better And Better

The 76ers' official task this year seems to be breaking other teams' losing streaks. Good job, local sports team!

Sixers break Milwaukee's losing streak [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Philly Love #62: Wintry Mix™

I'm not quite sure when our area stopped getting snow and started getting Wintry Mix™, but ever since the forecasters started using the term pretty much exclusively, that seems to be pretty much all we get.

And so, after a January where we were in the 70s and a winter where we didn't have a snowstorm -- er, a Wintry Mix™ storm -- until two weeks ago, we now have two of 'em this month. Yesterday's and today's weather wasn't nearly as bad as the Valentine's Day massacre, as overnight temperatures weren't all that cold and kept the Wintry Mix™ from freezing the roads, closing interstates, et cetera.

So huzzah to you, Wintry Mix™. I don't know when you replaced snow as the winter storm this area gets, but, hey, I'll take what I can get.

Winter, Round Two [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:10 AM |