January 31, 2007

Leftovers: Kimmel Center Flooded, Chris Webber Annoying, And Other Things That Happen All The Time

• The Kimmel Center will have to postpone and move some concerts because "gallons and gallons" of water were discharged all over the Perelman Theater. Man, with this and Barbaro dying, it's been a bad week for rich people. [Inquirer]

• Chris Webber says he's glad he's an ex-Sixer. The feeling is completely mutual, Chris. [Inquirer]

• A video that shows a family with two gay parents is causing people who hate gays to go nuts. Awesome. I love this shit. Quote from one of the parents: "It's very dangerous for a third grader to hear all this." Almost as dangerous as you being a parent. [KYW 1060]

• Rafael Robb and his wife were destined to have one of the two murder the other one, or something like that. [Inquirer]

• Pat Gillick chats about the upcoming season, Chase Utley, et cetera. And there's even an MP3 version up because I whined about there only being a WMA file. Daniel McQuade: Fighting... for you. [Philly.com]

• Freddie Mitchell introduced Chase Utley to his new wife. I miss Freddie Mitchell. [The 700 Level]

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Washington Post Declares Horse Who Won A Race More Important Than Ex-Congressman Who Happened To Be A Jesuit Priest

From yesterday's Washington Post, courtesy of Slate:

Drinan = Barbaro? [Slate]

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DiCicco, Kenney Aim For Crucial Swing Vote

Over at Amen, Wook -- This is why I love blogging. "Wook" on first reference. -- noticed a few campaign signs for Jim Kenney and Frank DiCicco at a formerly-empty building at 714 South Street.

Yes. 714 South Street. Former Home of Club Kama Sutra.

This city is a wonderful place sometimes.

BREAKING NEWS! SHOCKING REVELATION! WHAT GENER WAS TALKING ABOUT FINALLY REVEALED! [AMEN]
Archives: Club Kama Sutra

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No Driver Is Safe From Drug-Addicted Mormon Sons Of Andy Reid

Last night, not one but two Reid sons got into car accidents. Let's recap it, charticle style:

• Garrett Reid, 24, allegedly sped through a red light in his SUV on Germantown Pike in Plymouth Meeting Township around 2:30 p.m., hitting a 55-year-old woman's car. She was airlifted to the hospital. Police also said they found hypodermic needles on him, but no drugs.
• Meanwhile, 21-year-old Britt Reid was allegedly involved in a road rage incident with a "local carpenter" in his 20s. The carpenter told police they were giving each other the finger while driving down Matson Ford Road in West Conshohocken. At a stop light, the man told police, Reid got out, threatened him and flashed a gun before driving away.

Police, naturally, caught up with Britt Reid after meeting him at the site of Garrett Reid's car accident.

Police: Needles Found In Andy Reid's Son's SUV After Accident [NBC 10]

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Barbaro Messageboard Posters Surprisingly Self-Aware

From Laurie in Minnesota, on the Tim Woolley Racing Barbaro messagebaord:

I remember last summer I gave you guys a bit of a chuckle when I likened our "condition" to that of the charature that Richard Dreyfuss plays in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" Our families starring at us in disbelief as we carve images of Barbaro out of mashed potatoes...LOL. Being inexplicably drawn to something and have absolutley no idea how we came to be here, and everyone else around us thinks we are coo-coo.

Someone stated earlier this week that after months of wondering about this same thing, they just decided to relax and just go with it. Same with me. I cant explain it. I'm here and thats it.

Which brings me to an important point about something that happen to me in my grieving sessions yesterday evening. Like all of you, I am experiencing deep deep emotional pain. After watching Larry King, I was still extremely distraught. I was alone last night as my husband was at work. In my grief, I said to myself, "OKAY THAT'S IT....I'M DONE!! I just want to go back to my normal life ...they way I was before I even knew Barbaro!. I am walking away from this..I just want to forget about all of this! Why did this happen to me??! WHY!!! Where is the lesson here? I am going to just fade away back to where I belong".

Okay, it's official. Barbaro is ruining peoples' lives.

But, at least she's gotten off the Barbaro wago... oh.

WOW huh? That's me up there saying those things. I am a Barbaro Ambassador for the state of MN no less....Fortunantly I snapped myself back into reality and realized immediatley how selfish and immature this was..but the feelings cant be denied. I had to let myself work through them.

Yeah, I always thought it was pretty selfish to stop caring about a horse you saw run on TV once to make yourself feel much better.

In other news, they're planning on building a museum in honor of Barbaro. (Well, and other local horses, too.) I can't wait until my tax dollars pay for a building honoring a fucking horse that didn't even win the Triple Crown.

Barbaro inspires idea for a museum [Inquirer]

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2006 Good Year To Watch Me; 2007, Not So Much

The Daily News' "21 on the spot" feature hitting newsstands today, and, unlike last year, I am not on the list. (It must have been all the weight I gained.)

Okay, so they wouldn't put me on two years in a row. (Why they put me on it last year is a question to be left to the philosophers.) But that didn't stop yours truly from still managing to spread the Kerri-Lee love in the DN.

Quote: "Any show that has Jennaphr Frederick and Kerri-Lee Halkett in skirts and leather boots is a damn fine news show." — Philadelphia Weekly blogger Dan McQuade, after the Jan. 22 debut.

Damn. Had I known I was going to be quoted, I would have called them "fuck-me boots."

21 on the spot [Daily News]
Jan. 23: Leather Boots Put Fox 29 News On Top

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Finally, The Barbaro Snuff Film

From Google search results:

Video: Barbaro Euthanized [ClipBlast]

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Michael Nutter: The Candidate Who Will Send An Old Man To The Circus If It Will Help Pass A Bill

Political dealmaking in Philadelphia is kind of strange. But I didn't really know it was this strange. From Jason Fagone's excellent article about Michael Nutter in Phillymag:

So in 1997 and 1998, over the “furious” objections of Street, Nutter wrote a new set of same-sex bills and helped push them through a process so contentious that at one point, the bills’ allies sent an enfeebled Thacher Longstreth to the Spectrum for the entire day just to keep him away from Street. (Longstreth sat in the cheap seats, watching the Ringling Bros. circus.) The bills eventually passed after a marathon Council session that Nutter calls “one of the biggest public showdowns in recent history.”

Well, I'm glad they passed the bill, but it's pretty cruel to make someone -- especially a feeble old man -- watch a circus. And they didn't even spring for good seats!

Michael Nutter's Dilemma [Phillymag]

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Keystone Cops: Keystone Cops

• The moniker for this feature doesn't really fit most of the time. Police officers are generally hard-working people who do a fine job. But every once in a while, the planets align and cops really do whatever it is the Keystone Cops did. (I've never seen one of those movies, obvs.) And I don't know if this was a plot for a Keystone Cops movie, but it really should have been: Just two days before his promotion to police chief of Wall Township, N.J., Bernard Sullivan was arrested for a DUI. In Wall Township. Whoops! [AP/NBC 10]

• Animal rights activists are protesting Penn because they want to save humans by testing on animals. Or they don't do it humane enough or something, with four times the violations of any other group. [KYW 1060]

• A Pennsylvania woman has been told to move her alpaca shed 18 feet. [AP/Philly.com]

• Some dude in Jersey shot a horse with an arrow and killed him. No, it wasn't me. I prefer to slaughter my horses with machetes. [6 ABC]

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Can The Wii Workout Reality Show Be Far Behind?

Mickey DeLorenzo, the man who lost weight by playing Wii Sports every day for six weeks, has turned his clever little blog post into a full-fledged media onslaught. He's been interviewed by the BBC, NBC 10, the Inky, the India Times and, least importantly, me.

And now he has a book deal. He has a book deal from a company that one represented Kafka and Sartre.

I'm assuming the book will be titled Can You Believe I Got A Freaking Book Deal Out Of This? The Wii Sports Diet, but that's just conjecture.

This is awesome. Sometimes things happen that just make you realize what a fantastic, ridiculous world we live in, and this is one of them. Lovely.

Wii Sports Experiment, from Digg to book deal [WiiNintendo.net]
Jan. 19: How I Learned To Stop Running And Just Play Wii Sports

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Philadelphia Will Do: Your Source For 'I Hate Barbaro'

From the search logs:

Yes, a whole eight people have found this site searching for "I Hate Barbaro." It is probably the first time someone has searched, found my site, and found exactly what they wanted.

Also, I'd like to introduce you to my new favorite editorial cartoonist, Scott Stantis of the Birmingham News.

Editorial Cartoon by Scott Stantis, Birmingham News [Editorial Cartoonists]

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Tom Knox To Depress His Way To Mayordom?

The Daily News released a poll today about the 2007 Mayoral Election, one that puts Tom Knox within the margin of error of front-runner Chaka Fattah. This is, assumedly, due to his incessant ads on every TV show. (I think I saw one during WWE Smackdown!)

If you haven't seen the ads, you're missing out. They feature Tom Knox depressing the shit out of everyone. I'd be willing to wager that people are thinking about voting for Knox just to make him stop showing those damn depressing ads. "Oh, dammit, I'll vote for you, just stop telling us about your crying mother and dead brother!" Knox should probably run ads saying "If I don't win the mayoral election, I'm going to keep running these ads just to piss you off." Who with a TV wouldn't vote for him?

Oh, and if you're wondering, Tom Knox has a Flickr account.

THE SECOND POLL: KNOX MAKES BIG GAINS [The Next Mayor]

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NBC 10 Continues Gripping Slideshow Series

Famous Delawareans [NBC 10]

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Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

John Baer: Holy shit! Tom Knox's depressing ads are working!

Jill Porter: Blah blah blah Peco bad I save the day again blah blah blah.

Phil Goldsmith: I don't read gimmick columns unless they're funny. I didn't read this column.

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Reason #46 To Love Philadelphia: The 'Daily News' No Longer Runs Michelle Malkin's Columns

Every once in a while I like to peruse the conservative blogosphere -- and dammit, do I hate that word ("blogosphere," not "conservative") -- to try and learn something. Unfortunately, the popular conservative blogs tend to be run by, shall we say, idiots, and I don't really learn anything. (We'll leave the liberal blogs alone for now.)

One popular conservative blogger is Michelle Malkin, whose syndicated column used to run in the Daily News. It doesn't anymore, and that's probably the best decision the Daily News has made in the past 15 years. Need an example? Sure.

Malkin recently wrote about some anti-war protester who spit at the feet of a soldier doing a counter protest. Here is how she feels about the protester:

Shame on the spitter. May you rot in hell.

It's amazing that people like this exist, really. I wonder what it's like to damn people to eternal suffering because you disagree with their world view. It must really be depressing. But thank God the Daily News stopped running her column so we don't have to read her pointless drivel. Seriously. Compared to Michelle Malkin, I love Christine Flowers.

Spitting at a war hero [Michelle Malkin]
Image Credit: Wonkette

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January 30, 2007

Why, Yes, That Would Be A Different Press Conference

Stu - I had a version of that dream. It was about a press conference, a totally different press conference from yesterday's, the one I have dreamed of for the entire 8 months of Barbaro's treatment - Dr. Richardson and the Jacksons are there - and then someone leads in a completely healed Barbaro to a standing ovation!

If you haven't read Philadelphia Will Do's Field Guide to Barbaro Messageboard Factions, you may want to take a look. I've been told that "[n]o one will remember your name or this column, and you are clearly destined to bounce from job to job. But Barbaro will be remembered forever," so you know it's good.

Also, the comments on 14th Windiest State are particularly good.

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Leftovers: I'm Hoping To Have Barbaro And Kerri-Lee Take Up Roughly 75 Percent Of The Posts This Year

• Some students in New Jersey will have to undergo random alcohol testing, as school officials just like invading privacy. (Fortunately, all positive testers have to do is go to counseling and get yelled at by their parents.) Quote: "School officials acknowledge false positive readings can be the result of products containing ethanol, including hand sanitizers, mouthwash and Balsamic vinegar." So try not to drink too much Balsamic vinegar, Jersey high schoolers! [AP/CBS 3]

• Police in South Philly raided a suspected meth lab in South Philly, thereby ending the meth supply in Philadelphia. Oh, wait. [NBC 10]

• Kerri-Lee Halkett -- don't think we forgot about her! -- writes about her experience at the Academy Ball with Prince Charles. Photo gallery here. [myfoxphilly]

• Oh, fuck. Not you too, Kerri-Lee, with the Barbaro and such! Fuck. If you're an anchor in Philadelphia and you hate Barbaro, can you please email me? Seriously. I'll keep you anonymous, I just want to know that you're out there. [myfoxphilly]

• Radnor Township, which started charing people from out of the township who got into accidents, may not be able to enforce those fines. So, basically, they probably lost money on this. Nice. [NBC 10]

• There's another Barbaro messageboard. Oh, I don't know if I have to say it, but don't go over there and start posting stupid shit. I mean, I have no power to stop you but it's lame. [Delphi Forums]

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We Interrupt This Barbaro Coverage To Bring You A Glamour Shot Of Fox Weatherman Rob Guarino

PhillyFit Magazine April 2005 [myfoxphilly]

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Tip Me Over And Pour Me Out (For The Prince!)

It wasn't just Philadelphians who were honored to have a meaningless figurehead come visit and clog up traffic for a few days. No, people in Bucks County were excited about Charles and Camilla's visit as well, especially one woman who got to serve the Prince tea.

Yes, Cynthia Wahl served tea to the Prince during his visit to Philadelphia, as well as serving 18 gallons in all of her brews to guests. Wahl said the Prince was a gentleman -- what did she expect, him to punch her in the face? -- and that serving tea to the prince was an honor. (After all, he is British. Also: "The only person higher in the tea world is the queen," said Wahl, "[although] I wouldn't mind serving Oprah." I'm sure the queen is thrilled to be #1.)

But it wasn't just the prince. Camilla, the Prince's wife, was also served some tea in a room with 11 other women:

"I'm lucky to have the teapot Camilla drank from," said Wahl, who has placed it back in her china cabinet. "Now it can really tell a story."

That story: I was transported down I-95 to Center City Philadelphia and was poured into cups. Wow!

Fit for a prince [Bucks County Courier Times]

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Curt Schilling To Annoy Us In Whole New Outlet?

Used to be, avoiding being annoyed by Curt Schilling was pretty easy. All you had to do was not watch post-game Red Sox interviews and don't play the PC game Everquest. But, no, Schilling wasn't content with that. No, he has to go and try to make sure that every American is annoyed by him no matter how much they try to avoid him.

Now there's a possibility of Curt Schilling running for John Kerry's Senate seat. A group of Massachusetts residents are starting a drive to draft Schilling to run in the 2008 election, in the hopes of finding out just who the American people are annoyed by more. (It should be pretty close. Remember, Curt Schilling is "a horse's ass the other four days" but John Kerry did lose to President Bush -- President Bush! -- in an election.)

Anyway, let's hope this election does take place. It might open up a black hold of annoyance over all of New England, saving us from having to hear about Schilling, Kerry and the New England Patriots ever again.

Editor's Note: Apparently, Curt Schilling saying he might vote for Barack Obama is "patronizing," according to Will Bunch. Curt Schilling doesn't care about black people!

UPDATED: The Next Kerry Swift Boater...Curt Schilling? [Attytood]

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Field Guide To Barbaro Messageboard Factions

If you're like me, you've probably been following the Barbaro messageboard on the Tim Wooley Racing website incessantly for the past eight months, breathlessly refreshing every fifteen minutes or so in order to get the latest updates on America's Favorite Horse™.

But the Barbaro messageboard is a confusing place no doubt, and newcomers may be a bit daunted at first. Fortunately, like most things, different cliques and factions have developed on the Barbaro messageboard, making it easier to sort through the clutter. While everyone there professes to be a FOB -- that's a "Fan/Friend of Barbaro," natch -- there are different interpretations of the life of Barbaro. (It's kind of like early Christianity.) There are several groups, easily identifiable once you know the categories. For this exercise, we'll just be using the people who comment on the Barbaro updates on Tim Woolley Racing. For purposes of this discussion, that's the "Barbaro messageboard." Posters can be in more than one group.

After the jump, a detailed look at the different factions on the Barbaro messageboard.

• Anthropomorphic Barbaroites: These posters believe in a Barbaro that can not only read letters on an Internet messageboard, but also that he can read them from beyond the grave. Also called Mr. Edsters, these posters usually write up extended letters addressed directly to Barbaro, thanking him for everything he taught them and telling him to stay strong.

Example:

Dear Barbaro:

There are so many tears flowing today from all of your FOB's. We have to remember that even though we are sad, you are free from pain, beautiful and perfect as you should be. There are no more casts, bandages, or special shoes. God and Dr R have finally healed you completely.

I watched the news conference about you today. Everyone (Mom, Dad and Dr R) were so sad when they talked about saying Good Bye to you today. We're all so glad they had some time to say their special goodbyes. You know they love you very much.

Your FOB's and BarbaroManiacs are also sad today. But, you taught us all how to live life to the fullest (enjoy treats and special friends) and face adversity head on. We won't let you down. When we can pick ourselves up tomorrow or the next day, we will join together to further track safety and end horse slaughter in honor of your name and undying spirit.

• Poet Laureates: These posters will write something about Barbaro, but also include an "inspirational" or similar poem. The poems posted range from the classics (W.H. Auden) to the religious (Prayer of Saint Francis, passages from Lamentations) to the horse-related (a poem about Secretariat) to the homemade poems for Barbaro.

Example:

Prayer of St. Francis,

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

• People With The Last Name Barbaro: These people have the last name Barbaro. They may also fall into other categories.

Example (this person is also a Poet Laureate):

Do not stand at my grave and weep;

I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
I am BARBARO...
Be Free Brave Colt...Be Free...
Native American Prayer

Posted by: Laurie A. Barbaro at January 29, 2007 10:50 PM

• Long Timers, First Timers: These are people who claim to have been visiting the Barbaro messageboard since he was injured in the Preakness in May, but are just posting now, after his death. They are pejoratively called Unbelievers by some, since they did not register their love of Barbaro on the site until after he was dead.

Example:

This is the first time I have posted as well, but I have been a frequent visitor since May.

My heart goes out to the Jacksons, the entire medical staff, and all fans of Barbaro around the world! Our hearts are heavy right now as we have say goodbye to this champion who stole our hearts and united us.

May Barbaro's spirit and heart live on in the continued progress of his causes.

Here is an excerpt of Fare Thee Well by Indigo Girls:
[Snip. You can thank me later. —ed.]

• Blarbaro Blovers: These are black people that like Barbaro. (And here is the referent.)

• Barbaro's Lawyers: These people are heartbroken over the loss of Barbaro but are attempting to put their grief to affect change in the world. The main cause is the anti-horse slaughter bill (HR 857), but other causes -- safer synthetic tracks, possibly a ban on racing 2-year-old horses, reform animal cruelty laws, etc. -- can come up as well. The main push is to rename the anti-horse slaughter bill "Barbaro's Law."

Example:

I do not post very much...I feel heartsick. I can only imagine how the Jacksons and caregivers feel about this.

This will make me struggle even harder to end horse slaughter in this country. The Bill can be named after our equine hero "Barbaro" who fought his injuries with everything he had. What an inspiration!

• Children of Barbaro: These people believe Barbaro was put here on this earth "for a reason." Some go even far enough to say he's a prophet from Jesus himself, or he is a human being -- or an "old soul" -- reincarnated in a horse's body. There has been little talk of Barbaro rising on the third day, but wait until tomorrow.

Example:

I do think that on some level Barbaro did know, in his animal way, what he was about. I think he is an old soul who came here for a reason to help other animals especially horses. He did his job and now he's off to other matters. An evolved soul in a horse's body. We responded to that, we "got" it, that this wasn't just a horse. We joined him in his mission, now he's gone and we can carry it through to finality.

• Stage One and Twoers: These Barbaro fans are still in denial over Barbaro's death. They may also be very angry. They are named after the first two stages (denial and anger) of the Kübler-Ross Model of how people react after hearing devastating news. As it is only short time after Barbaro's death, it is almost certain this faction will dissolve in a short time.

Example:

I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do. From the moment I saw the MSNBC Breaking News, I just started screaming NO, NO, NO, NO. That's all I could get out of my mouth, and I haven't stopped sobbing since then.

• Edenites: Edenites are a group that believes Barbaro is in heaven. They may also believe that they will meet Barbaro one day in the afterlife.

Example:

Barbaro, YOU ARE STILL SIMPLY THE BEST. So many lives were touched by your spirit. It is hard to let you go but I know you are in a better place where there is no discomfort and you can run to your heart's content. Enjoy Heaven Barbaro. Bells are ringing...this angel found his wings.

• Barbaro Agnostics: The antithesis to the Edenites. Barbaro's death has shaken this group to the core and they profess to no longer believe in God due to the death of Barbaro. These people may also be Stage One and Twoers and may move on to other stages as time passes.

Example:

When stuff like this happens I blame God. Look at all the prayers that we sent to God to heal Barbaro so he could live a long happy life. When he died today a part of me died with him. That is why I felt and sort of still do that God let me down... Why pray when he doesn't listen? I am glad that Barbaro is not in pain and I am not mad at anyone. I feel for all of them and I know there are a lot of tears in this world today. Where the heck is God now? That is my question.........

• Addicts: These people have turned to drugs after Barbaro's death.

Example:

I really never looked at it that way but you may be right. It may have been Barbaro that asked God to take him to heaven to be with Slew and Secretariat and SeaBiscuit and all the rest. I really lost it... I took some Valium and I am calmer now but the down side of this is, I am working with a doctor to get off of Valium and I have been weaning for 5 months. Now this!!!!! I just had to take enough to stay calm.

• Anti-Deanyboppers: This faction expresses hatred for Dr. Dean Richardson. They either believe that Richardson did not try hard enough to save the horse -- or that he made mistakes -- or that the horse should have been killed right away and keeping him alive was inhumane. Although other members of the Barbaro team may be smote as well by the Anti-Deanyboppers, the majority of the ire heads toward Dr. Richardson, who they believe is an attention whore.

Don't bless anyone in this situation except for the horse, he was the victim of blinding plublicity, I know first hand the situations involved and I can tell you it was about fame and fortune on all parts. I blame Mike Matz first as he knew better of the situation and the cruel fact is this, BArbaro would've been better of if he was euthanized at the track instead of going through all of this to just be disappointed. this whole thing was to comfort people not the horse. Don't get me wrong , all the people at new bolton are wonderful and they love animals, especially the bond his caretakers have with him, but as for Dr. dean, his real thing here was he wanted to be the one to have saved him, no matter what the cost to anyone, not taking into acount the horse. He is very slick and smart and knows how to go about talking to horse people, "oh well stop when he wants us to," I know he (barbaro) wanted this for a long time now. I hope you are satisfied with your fame here cause it'll only last another press conference.

• People Who Write Fan Fiction About Barbaro's Death: There's only one person in this group, but she deserves her own entry. Harriette Brillianthawk, from Lexington, wrote fan fiction about Barbaro's death.

Barbaro was having another bad day, he hadn’t slept well. Even with the pain medicine he still hurt. His legs hurt, all of them, his back hooves hurt. He hurt all over and he was tired. He loved all the people here at NBC, especially Dr Richardson, but he was tired of these four walls, he wanted to go outside and feel the warm sun again. He loved his mom more than anyone, she knew him better than anyone, and bless her heart, she always had the blue tote with the fresh Lael grass. Lately, he didn’t even much feel like eating, but he did to please her, He always tried to put on a show of feeling good for mom, even trying to nip her occasionally to make her smile. He loved to see mom smile. But still, the truth was he hurt and he wanted Dr Richardson to make him well, once and for all.

When Dr Richardson came that morning, he had his “procedure” face on. Here we go again, Barbaro thought. Another surgery, I’ll wake up in the swimming pool. I sure hope Dr R has the cure for me this time.

When Barbaro started waking up, he felt something tickling his nose and when he tried to open his eyes there was a light so bright it almost blinded him. The light felt wonderful, it was so warm, and it was hard to describe, the light felt like love. It surrounded him and felt so good, like all the hugs his mom had ever given him. When his eyes adjusted to the light more things became aware to Barbaro.

He wasn’t in a pool ,he was in a field of clover and buttercups and the tickle on his nose was a butterfly!He also noticed he felt no pain, his crooked legs were straight again ,his hooves were well ! Dr R had done it, he remembered now the last thing DrR had said….Barbaro when you wake up you’ll be good as new! The Light he felt, he now knew was GOD himself, the Creator of all life.

God himself welcomed him to Rainbow Bridge. He explained to Barbaro it is here that all animals wait for their human keepers So they can cross the bridge to Heaven together.

Barbaro had never seen so many horses, dogs, cats, animals and birds of every kind, large and small. Everyone got along, no one was sick and all made him feel loved and at home.

A couple of the horse who greeted him were there by special permission from God, they had already crossed over the Bridge but wanted to welcome Barbaro. Barbaro knew of the legendary stores of Man O War, Seabiscuit and War Admiral, here they were to say hello. There were also a couple donkeys that came to greet him. One once carried pregnant Mary into Bethlehem, the other one had carried Jesus in to Jerusalem.

Barbaro was so happy to be here. He thought this has to be the greatest place in all the world . He spent the afternoon racing Secretariat to the fence and eating clover with Lost in the Fog. Yes, he was very busy his first day at the bridge, he even learned he could FLY!! He always knew he could run fast, now he’d become a horse angel and he could fly!! He could look down on Earth and see all the people who loved him. He could finally put names and faces together. All the FOB that had faithfully loved and prayed for him, sent him cards and letters , baskets of flowers, apples and carrots, pears and those green mints he loved.

He was happy but they all looked sad. He wanted to yell to them, “Hay, it’s me, Barbaro,I’m well. Your prayers have been answered. Don’t be sad.”

• Barbaro Himself: One person, Cheryl Jones, writes in the voice of Barbaro. Many posters are very happy with her writing as Barbaro. Jones assumes that although the horse has acquired a human brain and the ability to think and talk, his lack of opposable thumbs make it rather hard for him to type. He also doesn't have spellcheck.

Example (this elicited several responses saying it made people cry):

hay its me im in hevvin now its beyoooooooooootiful i can seee yuo lissen for me ill see yuo agin love eech uthur be nise to eech uthur save horsssesss say prayers thankyew for lovin me so much

love bArbaro

Well, there you go. A complete field guide to Barbaro messageboard posters. I hope this has helped shed some light on the situation.

Posted by D-Mac at 12:43 PM | Comments (34) | TrackBack

Keystone Cops: Sighs All Around

Keystone Cops is a daily look at crime, police, public safety and drug news. Homicide totals are unofficial. I'm not quite sure why any of you need to know they're unofficial, unless you're betting on the number of homicides in this city, in which case you are kinda creepy.

• Two men were shot and killed overnight, bringing the number of homicides in Philly this year to 31 and guaranteeing this month will have at least one homicide a day, on average. [Inquirer]

• Blacks in Pennsylvania die from a gunshot wound at a higher percentage than anywhere else in the country. But as the head of Men United for a Better Philadelphia points out, white males kill themselves with handguns, too. Ahh... yeah. [Daily News]

• Police log: "The bloody bathroom was discovered after a woman wearing a medium black coat and dark shoes but no pants was seen leaving the restaurant, police said." [Doylestown Intelligencer]

• And just when you thought a child porn case with a million pieces of child porn couldn't get any worse. [Inky]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

35 Percent Of Lehigh Students Creep Me Out

Students at Lehigh University had a presentation from Paul Sokolow the other day. Sokolow is "an expert on campus safety and high-risk student behavior" -- whatever that means -- and presented the students with a fun little game.

It's called: Can you spot the rape? I suppose it's kind of a Where's Waldo for the college-aged set.

Paul Sokolow... called on Lehigh University students to be the jury in the case of two students who ended up having sex one night. Sokolow, who presented a lecture Thursday to Lehigh students on "Drunk Sex or Date Rape: Can You Tell the Difference," prefaced the request by saying the case was true but the names were changed to protect identities. The audience played along.

He went on to tell the story of Todd and Amy. Amy went out to a party on her college campus and met Todd, who offered her five Jell-O shots containing 180-proof grain alcohol. Sokolow said Amy wasn't aware how much alcohol the shots contained. They were three times stronger than the average drink.

Todd followed Amy back to her dorm room and had sex with her. When Amy woke up the next morning, she did not remember what had happened the night before but found a note Todd had left with his name and number, Sokolow said.

And 35 percent of the people in the room decided that Todd's following her back to her dorm room was a-OK. (When given to middle-aged people, it's usually only 10 percent.) Yeesh.

Students vote if drunk sex or date rape [The Express-Times]

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If You Think I'm Done Beating A Dead Horse, Clearly You Haven't Been Here Very Long

There was a Nick who said he and his fiancee have set next January 29th as their wedding day in remembrance of Barbaro.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Barbaro Updates [TWR]

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Bob Brady To Channel Adlai Stevenson, Al Smith, William Jennings Bryan In Next Campaign Speech

Bob Brady apparently wants everyone to know that not only can he win the race for mayor, but he can do it even while channeling losers.

The Inquirer's Michael Currie Schaffer writes that Brady's announcement speech contained a few lines that had been used before:

When Bob Brady announced his mayoral candidacy on Thursday by declaring that "help is on the way," veterans of past Democratic campaigns may have felt a sense of deja vu. The line was the key refrain of John Kerry's 2004 acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention and a constant theme in the campaign that followed.

And the very next line of Brady's speech - "I'm Bob Brady, and I'm running for mayor" - evoked an even more distant Democratic standard-bearer. In 1976, a little-known Georgia politician introduced himself to voters by traveling the country declaring, "I'm Jimmy Carter, and I'm running for president."

The Brady campaign says the lines were merely coincidental, but I can't help but think that channeling John Kerry and Jimmy Carter -- even accidentally -- isn't the best idea for a candidate who wants to, y'know, win.

Echoes of the past in Brady's present [Inquirer]

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PGW Also Told Us To Dress Warmly In Winter

Oh now come on.

Colder Weather Means Higher Bills, PGW Warns [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:37 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

Nothing today. But let's recap Dick Jerardi's column about Barbaro.

Dick Jerardi: Boy, everyone sure did love Barbaro. Everyone! Now let's talk to some horse owners to get a nice representative sample of how everyone loved Barbaro.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Reason #45 To Love Philadelphia: The 76ers Are Right Back On Schedule

After trading away Allen Iverson, the 76ers were expected to founder, losing most of their games and getting the best shot at winning the NBA lottery and getting the number one pick in the draft.

The 76ers have been playing better recently, winning three of four at one point. (It would have been four straight, but they blew a 17-point halftime lead at home against Cleveland.) While I'm not actually rooting against the 76ers -- that's no fun -- it seemed typical Philadelphia: The 76ers don't even know how to have a terrible season.

Last night, the Houston Rockets jumped out to a 41-point (!) lead. The Inquirer's Joe Juliano:

After three quarters, the visitors trailed by 89-51, and it got worse. When Houston's Chuck Hayes converted a three-point play on the first possession of the fourth quarter, the Sixers actually trailed by 41 and seemed a lock to top their previous worst margin of defeat, 27 points against Chicago on Dec. 6.

So give credit to the Sixers' bench, and starter Rodney Carney, for making it look to the basketball nation at large as if it were a real game judging by the final score. But it was a rout in every way possible, something that the Sixers would like to write off as a bad night.

If you're wondering, the 76ers lost 105-84. A 21-point loss. Yeah, they really made it look like a real game, all right.

Rockets shoot to 41-point lead, leave Sixers in their trail [Inquirer]

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January 29, 2007

Once More, In Memory Of Barbaro

Oh, the world has never seen a more graceful horse.

Photo via SabinaLouisePierce.com

Posted by D-Mac at 04:48 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Where's Your Messiah Now, Barbaro?

I will never say goodbye because you live on in my heart! You have become a major part of my soul and I will carry you throughout the rest of my life! You were a gift and messenger from God! You taught us about horse slaughtering and TOLD us, humans, STOP THIS MADNESS. It is our responsibility to carry out what you have charged us to do: end the horrors of your equine brothers and sisters suffer from the dark side of the human heart! And you have my promise: I will carry out the task you gave me!

Barbaro: Horse and prophet.

Wait! Or not!

When stuff like this happens I blame God. Look at all the prayers that we sent to God to heal Barbaro so he could live a long happy life. When he died today a part of me died with him. That is why I felt and sort of still do that God let me down... Why pray when he doesn't listen? I am glad that Barbaro is not in pain and I am not mad at anyone. I feel for all of them and I know there are a lot of tears in this world today. Where the heck is God now? That is my question.........

Barbaro Updates [TWR]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:39 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Will The Barbaro Messageboard Ever Get Old?

I knew dr r shouldnt have taken him out with no support on his leg-when he was taken outside that was wrong-he had no support -then at end he was not given sling-that was dr rs fault-he killed barbaro-he could have lived I hope dr r -goes to ----------=barbaro deserved better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No. No it won't.

Barbaro Updates [TWR]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:23 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Leftovers: Well, They Are Kind Of Ugly

• Guess what the anti-blight fund that the Atlantic City casinos pay for is going to build? That's right: Improvements to the casinos, including "parking lot beautification" for the Showboat. [AP/NBC 10]

• Citizen Mom managed to interview Perez Hilton without punching him in the face, and for that, I am impressed. [Phawker]

• Dan Gross reports (nice scoop!) that Allen Iverson's wife Tawanna might be seeking a divorce. Aww. Remember when Iverson told Gross to kiss his ass? I bet he said something stronger today. [Daily News]

• You don't need a sense of perspective to write for Sports Illustrated. [Sports Illustrated]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Keystone Cops: Dogged Police Work, 'Inky'

Keystone Cops is a daily look at crime, police, public safety and drug news. Homicide totals are unofficial. No horses were euthanized in the making of this post.

• Police in Bucks County shot and killed a 33-year-old man in an apartment complex after he came at them with a baseball bat. Inquirer report: "One man at Building 57, responding to the buzzer at the front door, yelled down from a fourth-floor window that he was at work at the time of the incident and heard about it only when he returned home. In another apartment, a television flickered, but no one answered the security phone. What appeared to be an unmarked police cruiser with two plainclothes officers rolled by." Gee, way to blow their cover. [Inquirer]

• A study done by the state Dept. of Health shows that Warminster residents don't have a higher rate of cancer than elsewhere. Unfortunately, the study found that they living in Warminster is worse than cancer. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• The Inquirer's Robert Moran spent a night on the cold streets talking to homeless people. It's a pretty good video. [Inky]

• A 28-year-old woman was found shot in Southwest Philly over the weekend. [Inky]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Oh, I Get It! 'Stacked'! Oh, That's Clever

In yesterday's Inquirer, Karen Heller reviews and comments on Stacked: A 32DDD Reports from the Front. (To note: Gawker has doubted her DDD-ness.)

Heller pretty much summarizes the book -- guys care about boobs, guys stare at boobs, bra makers don't make bras right, etc. -- but also offers some of her own advice:

In a survey of 50,000 women and men, almost three-quarters of the female respondents said they desired fuller, rounder breasts. Men were a slightly happier lot: Only 44 percent said they wouldn't mind if their partners had larger ones. However, in the same poll, 85 percent of the women claimed utter satisfaction with their partners' size.

In other words, women are perpetually unhappy with their appearance, ever desirous of change, while men are swell the way they are.

No. In other words, dicks are big, and boobs aren't big enough.

Intuition | Sizing up the female infatuation with big breasts [Inquirer]
Is 'Stacked' Author Susan Seligson Padding Her, Uh, Resume? [Gawker]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Okay I'm Definitely Doing This All Week

For eight months I prayed for a miracle for Barbaro. Even last night at 8 p.m. EST I kept praying. To me, Barbaro represented hope in dark times, belief that in God all things were possible including a miracle for a well-loved horse who just wouldn't give up. Yet within the past five days, I learned three times that God does not hear prayers or grant miracles. Barbaro was the third. I've come to the conclusion that "in Him, all things are NOT possible." With respect to Barbaro, the only redemption is that he is no longer suffering.

Barbaro Updates [Tim Wooley Racing]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:46 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

A Day That Will Live In Horsey Infamy

I must admit that on hearing the sad news of Barbaro's passing, the only other times that I have felt so empty and so devastated was when President Kennedy was assassinated, and when the World Trade Center Twin Towers collapsed.

If you need me, I'll be taking the cyanide pill.

Barbaro Updates [Tim Wooley Racing]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:34 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Breaking: Businesses Cater To The Rich

Yesterday's Inquirer contained an article detailing the recentish launches of both LifeStyle Main Line (in September) and Mainline, which had its launch party a week ago. These compete for the all important eyeballs of rich people, along with Main Line Today and Phillymag (which is the "snarkier" publication, according to the article) and Philly Style and probably like 45 other magazines, too. (Isn't there something like Real Philly, too?)

Aside from the groundbreaking thesis that entrepreneurs want to make money, can get it most easily from the rich and copy successful ideas, such as a magazine, the article goes on to let the various publishers of the companies snipe at each other in the press:

Cantor is feeling the pressure enough to snipe a little at LifeStyle, a glossy, colorful publication that he deems "a step above a clipper."

"We'll see who survives," snapped LifeStyle's president and chief executive officer, Peter Graeffe.

LifeStyle's current cover features a cruise ship, but Graeffe said the article about the University of Pennsylvania's expansion was more serious than anything Mainline would take on.

Meanwhile, he said, Mainline's cover - a matte black-and-white close-up of Bradley Whitford - is of a "TV star who hasn't lived here since he was 13." (For the record, the article says the 47-year-old actor left Wayne in high school.) [...]

Larry Platt, editor of 99-year-old Philadelphia Magazine, called the Main Line publications "pretty picture magazines" and said he didn't see them as a threat. Though they compete for the same demographic, Philadelphia Magazine sees itself in a different category. The others wouldn't put a handgun on the cover.

"We're much more about narrative journalism and reflecting the zeitgeist of the city and not much about style," Platt said.

"I don't really look at them, because our readership is so loyal and so huge that I don't consider them competition."

I wonder what kind of narrative journalism Platt was referring to. Was it "Who's our sexiest single?" Or perhaps it was Bon Jovi, or maybe the 20 best high schools or maybe even Pets of Philly. No, wait, I got it: The Ultimate Beauty Guide. That shit's fuckin' better than In Cold Blood.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:11 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

I've Dreamt Of This Day For So Long, And Now That It's Here, I Don't Know What To Say

Barbaro is dead.

So how long until Barbaro's first confirmed miracle? Katherine Drexel, John Neumann and Barbaro: Three saints from the area.

Okay, time to start chronicling the insanity.

• ESPN has taken down a joke about Barbaro from their morning "AM Jump" post. Thanks to Google, here it is: "Dead Letter Office : Barbaro has taken a turn for the worse and his physicians performed a risky procedure on the Kentucky Derby winner over the weekend. Chief surgeon Dr. Dean Richardson said that if Barbaro's leg breaks again, 'I think we'll quit.' Want to know who won't ever quit? Barbaro's impassioned letter-writers. Although it sounds as though they may soon have to address their letters to: 'Barbaro c/o Horsey Heaven.'"
• Headline on KYW 1060: Barbaro, Local Sports Hero, Is Dead. Real newspapers become more and more like The Onion every day.
• Hipsters: Also big fans of Barbaro.
• If you want to find reasons to hate humanity, here's a quick and easy way to do it.
• Anonymous Jersey Resident (this is a different person than "Anonymous Reader" and "Anonymous Metro Staffer"): "My heart DOES break for Dr. richardson, and even for the Jacksons." Me: "Eh." AJR: "Come on-- the same vet who had to try to keep him alive all these months has to do the deed? that's some heavy shit." This is some Shakespearean drama here.
• Philadelphia Livejournal? Not very respectful to Barbaro.
• Seriously, if you haven't been to the messageboard, you really need to go. "No Horse Left Behind."
• RJ on the Barbaro message board (via IM): "'Run free in those fields free from pain-we will meet again at the Rainbow Bridge...' Rainbow Bridge? Okay, my theological knowledge is slim, but I've just gotten to the Asgard level on the Marvel Comics PS2 game and that's what they call the road Thor takes to Earth to fight with the Avengers."

Kentucky Derby Winner Barbaro Euthanized [Thoroughbred Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:36 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

Natural Selection, I Guess

This sounds illegal.

Pa. Hospital To Phase Out Majority Of Its Patients [AP/CBS 3]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:25 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Some Casino Employee Is Totally Getting Fired

Last Monday, Stephen Wilkinson got a message on his slot machine: You've won $102,000.

Of course, this was a mix-up. He actually didn't win anything; it was an employee testing the jackpot function (or whatever) and Wilkinson was greeted by casino employees, who told him, here, here are two buffet comps and let's just move on.

But although the casino was legally in the right -- by law, Philadelphia Park or any casino doesn't have to pay when there's a malfunction -- they weren't right in something even more important that civil court: The Court of Public Opinion. All across the area, people made stupid jokes about the situation and thought he should get his $102,000.

And, over the weekend, Stephen Wilkinson got his $102,000. Good for him. And good for us, too. I'm heading to Philadelphia Park this afternoon, hoping for more employees who can screw up in ways that can make me money. I'll be rich in no time.

Casino Changes Tune; Retiree Gets Jackpot After All [NBC 10]

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Great Briefs Of Fire

"Ahh, yes, the traditional Monday morning fire briefs. Hey, Suzy, look how many people died!"

Monday Morning Fire Briefs [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:14 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

John Baer: Some freshman lawmaker