September 29, 2006

Week In Will Do: R.I.P., Phillies

• Well, I start this whole Rally Pelvis thing -- thinking, hey, the Phils'll sweep the Nationals and people will get into it and etc. and etc. -- and the Fightins promptly lose 2 of 3 and some rookie callup is tying Gil Freakin' Hodges Dodgers record for RBI and suddenly the Phils are essentially out of the Wild Card. (They need a sweep and a prayer or two.) Well, let's hope Monday they've been resurrected from the dead. But if not, well, the Eagles are looking pretty good minus one quarter this year, eh? Eh?

• Man, Bucks County has awesome southern gentlemen and awesome crime.

• Man, that John Street is the next Lewis Black. Or maybe Carrot Top.

• While we may ever know if T.O. attempted suicide, we are clear on this: Eagles fans are hoping the team takes full advantage of this.

• To quote the poet Homer: "Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

• Some people actually believe Giants fans are saints, while Eagles fans are worse than Stalin. Eh.

• NBC 10's blogs continue to get even more awesome.

Enjoy your weekend, all. Go Phils.

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Leftovers: You'll Take These Links And You'll Like Them

It's Friday. I need a nap. So I'm just sending you some links that I've been perusing for the past few hours as I watch the second hand tick away. They may or may not have anything to do with Philadelphia, they are probably not topical and you probably won't find them interesting. But, hey, they'll be there for me to find when I want to go back and read them. Hooray!

• Here's a poodle who herds dogs. His name is Flash. Who knew, eh? [Dog Play]

• SkinnySlim (the original boroughs half of Philly/NYC music blog Badminton Stamps) has figured out a sly way to get away with calling lame things "gay." I'll keep referring to things like men having sex with other men as gay, but I do like his moxie. (Moxie? Is that the right word? Oh, whatever.) [Badminton Stamps]

• Wikipedia has an article on human evolution. I think I'm reading this for the fourth or fifth time, because I find human evolution fascinating, yet I have no freaking clue about pretty much anything about it. For all I know, proto-humans may have ridden dinosaurs to Wal-Mart. (Or whatever the Flinstones equivalent of Wal-Mart is. By the way, I had a boss once who thought the founder of Wal-Mart's name was "Sam Walmart.") I also don't remember if the article was good or not, but it is long, so that's something.

• I may have linked this before, but here's an adorable Cavalier King Charles Spaniel from Cute Overload. And, here's a link to a Cav rescue organization. Aww.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Don't Quit Your Day Job, Johnny

The Daily News' Gar Joseph -- who also has some fantastic reporting about how Philly politics work in his article -- today unintentionally furthers my theory that John Street is actually an amazing actor who is playing the role of a bumbling mayor (thanks, Liz):

"I should also announce that Terrell Owens is going to be the mental-health adviser to the task force." -- Mayor Street, joking [we think] at the end of a City Hall news conference yesterday announcing a task force to assess the performance of city schools.

See? He has to be an actor. The greatest actor ever. He's made us all believe.

Gar Joseph | The Council-seat done-deal we predicted? Done. [Daily News, last item]
What? What? [TTWS]
Sept. 20: Company In Dire Straits Hands Out $500K Bonuses; Mayor Street Thinks It's (Naturally) A Fantastic Idea

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Totally In Right Now: Condoms

The Daily Pennsylvanian reports today on the ebb and flow of condom sales. Condoms are big on Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve and right now!

Sweet. I'm totally going out to buy some condoms right now so I can be part of this trend. But I surely won't be able to top the girth of the University of Pennsylvania's condom order: 50,000.

(Do you think there's a bidding process for the condom contract? Hopefully, Trojan and Lifestyles representatives come in with charts and statistics with the condoms' important stats -- length and width, breakage rate, etc. -- before the University makes such an important decision.)

The article doesn't really make enough puns about condoms, but it does include the key fact:

Condoms are available for free at the LGBT Center, the Penn Women's Center and other resource hubs. Student Health Services, Fresh Grocer and CVS Pharmacy carry them for purchase.

Straight guys? Yeah, you gotta buy your condoms. (Yes, yes, I know.)

Update, 2:45 p.m.: Shit! Look at their selection!

Pencils, paper and 50,000 condoms [Daily Pennsylvanian]

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Robbery Leads To Talk Show Host Mashup

A bumbling bank robber in (where else) Bucks County was sentenced yesterday to four to eight years in state prison. Here's how the crime took place:

1. The man, Jason Maxwell, bummed a ride from a man at a Philadelphia gas station, offering him $100 if he would drive him to Bensalem to cash a check.
2. They got lost and pulled up to a PNC.
3. Maxwell went inside the bank, handed them a note saying "Give me all your money or you die," and got $1,900.
4. He then went outside, pumped his fists in the air and waved his money around.
5. In the car, he bragged to the driver about robbing the bank while the driver slyly recorded his boasts on his cell phone.
6. After dropping him off, the driver went to the police and showed them the tape. He also gave them a stack of papers Maxwell left in his car, including his pay stub.
7. Officers went to Maxwell's house, where Maxwell's mom said her son was just there bragging about how he had robbed a bank.
8. Maxwell was arrested after spending the money on "booze and drugs."

But, hey, it's not all bad, right? From the Courier article:

“Obviously, this guy had a wish to get on Jay Leno’s list of the 10 worst criminals,” said Chief Deputy District Attorney Gary Gambardella.

Great! He can get on that list! If it existed!

Or, maybe it does, on the Jay Letterman show.

Man jailed for robbery caught on video [Bucks County Courier Times]

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Your Official 'Ewwwww' Moment Of The Day

From today's Daily Pennsylvanian:

Before his arrest on child-pornography charges, ex-Wharton professor Scott Ward had extensively researched children as a consumer group.

Ward has researched marketing for children [Daily Pennsylvanian]

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It's Not Mascot Dancing, But It'll Have To Do

Are any of you surprised these dancers are holding a parade in Mayfair this weekend?

Posted by D-Mac at 11:13 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

NJ's Upper Class To Lose 7 Cents On The Dollar

As part of a budget compromise over the summer, several things that weren't taxed previously were going to be assessed at the seven-percent rate. That finally goes into effect on October 1.

And what are these things? Digital downloads (good luck with that one, guys), tattoos, massages, and...

On Sunday, New Jersey’s 7% sales tax is being extended to items that were previously exempt, including country club memberships and health club dues.

Oh no, country club memberships! The horror, the horror.

NJ Sales Tax to be Extended to More Items [KYW 1060]

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The Good Things From Last Night's Phillies Game

Surprisingly, there were some, even when the game scheduled to start at 7:05 didn't begin until 11:30.

The first was Phillies broadcaster Larry Andersen, who last night said of Jeff Conine's 0-for-7 performance the night before: "But after a night like that, I think he was on a suicide watch." Ho ho!

The second was the Presidents' Race, where giant costumed presidents (with huge heads) race around the field. And, since the game started at 11:30, reporters -- reporters! -- ran in some of the costumes, including Delco Times reporter Dennis Deitch, who was George Washington. And that costumed Thomas Jefferson who fell flat on his face? None other than Phillies.com reporter Ken Mandel.

"He's the first person to fall in the history of the race," CSN reporter John Finger said last night.

Congratulations, Ken! You did better than the Fightins did last night.

Loss to Nationals leaves Phils 2 behind L.A. [Inquirer]

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Breaking: Richardson Dilworth Moves To Society Hill

Coming soon: Some people are moving into this neighborhood of "Northern Liberties."

Phila. Old City Neighborhood on the Rise [KYW 1060]

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September 28, 2006

The Phillies Need Your Pelvis!

The Dodgers -- who are a game ahead of the Phils in the Wild Card chase, thanks to the local nine's bullpen -- are currently beating up on the Rockies, 8-3. (Wait! Now they're ahead, 10-8! Gooooo Colorado!)

That means: A Phillies loss tonight means they're most likely SOL for the Wild Card.

The Fightins need your support! Keep that Rally Pelvis shaking -- for those of you who don't want to see the gyrating hips of the Phanatic, there's a new logo on this post -- and root, root, root for the Phils in tonight's game against the Nationals.

Power to the pelvis!

Update: For you Pelvismaniacs who can't go without the original, gyrating logo, it's after the jump (and, don't worry, it'll be back).

In progress: Rockies jump on Dodgers early [Beerleaguer]
Archives: Rally Pelvis

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Leftovers: Whale Watching

• A whale has washed up on the shores of Wildwood Crest, leaving the town's current Autumn population of 15 shocked. [NBC 10]

• The dance-off for jobs at the Philly Park casino continues, with the applicants now comparing it to American Idol. This idea's a little wacky, but I'm all for replacing getting signatures with dancing to "YMCA" as a way to get on the ballot. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Be sure to check out the New York Post's top 10 reasons why TO would want to kill himself list! It has all the hilarity of a root canal performed without novocaine by a labrador retriever who's also urinating on you. [Gawker]

• For you statheads (ok, for me personally), here's a listing of the Eagles' ranking in alternate football statistics from Football Outsiders. [Scrapple]

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Southern Gentlemen Attack Car With Shovels

While driving down a highway last week, two men say they saw a man cut off a car filled with small children. But instead of chastising the driver while praising their own driving skills like normal people, these two men chased down the pickup truck and started hitting it with shovels.

But wait, there's more! Jay Watson (of Knoxville, Tenn.) and Justin Emerson (of Paris, Texas) said what they did was justified because they're southern gentlemen, and in their home states attacking people's cars who may have cut off a car filled with children is chivalrous!

A witness said he didn't see the Sierra cut off anyone, and the truck's driver reported being unaware of having done so. Nonetheless, Watson and Emerson "felt the need to intervene," the complaint said.

Intervene they did. (Editor's Note: Best line in the article. HIlarious.)

The complaint said Watson, the driver, drove his utility truck over the median, sped against traffic and ran two red lights to keep up with the Sierra. The men reportedly claimed they were attempting to get the Sierra's license plate number.

They caught up with the truck in the parking lot of National Auto. The victim said Emerson hopped out of the utility truck and began yelling obscenities, "kicking in" the Sierra's driver's side door and "banging" on his window. The frightened driver sped away.

But Watson and Emerson pursued him east on West Pumping Station Road, then onto California Road. The Sierra's driver, who had no passengers, was trying to drive to the Richland Police Station, but a wrong turn led him onto American Drive, where Watson and Emerson cornered him on a cul-de-sac.

The pursued driver, at this point, "feared for his life," said the complaint.

The complaint said Watson positioned his truck so as to block a clear path of escape for the Sierra. He and Emerson grabbed a pair of shovels and attacked the truck, smashing windows and "hitting the hood, bumper, driver's door and driver's side window," the victim reported.

For their chivalrous actions, the two have been charged with reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct, conspiracy and mischief.

Still, who knew the penalty for messing with Texas (or Tennessee) was getting attacked with shovels. TMYK.

Southern chivalry or road rage? [Doylestown Intelligencer]

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I Read Phillyblog So You Don't Have To: Smoking Ban

With Mayor Street's sudden enforcement of the smoking ban earlier this week, the Phillyblog forums predictably exploded in a cloud of nicotine, tar, tobacco and Surgeon General's warnings. (Joe Camel, sadly, did not make it.)

For this week's second installment of I Read Phillyblog So You Don't Have To, it's going to be an all smoking ban edition! (If you really enjoyed The Press Releases I Get In My Inbox -- and, really, who didn't enjoy that earth-shattering event -- I just moved it to Friday, in honor of it being an info dump, and Friday not ever having anything going on.) After the jump, an attempt to parse just what PB is thinking about the smoking ban. (I didn't even include the photos people were posting of George Burns, Einstein and FDR smoking to prove that smoking is great.) There'll also be a non-smoking ban related Thread! Of! The! Week!

• Smoking Ban Nothing But A Smokescreen: Yes, we'll just start with the one that, if you read Phillyblog, you've probably already seen:

All the naysaying against smoking, and attempts to ban it as much as possible, is ultimately none other than a campaign to weaken American farmers even further. When living in the city it's not always easy to see that reality, but ultimately that's what it all comes down to. That and nothing more. And I think they've pushed it much too far as it is, really. That is, time for the pendulum to swing the other way now. Or, if not now, then when?

For when I look at Philly and all the ways it could be greatly improved upon, cracking down on smoking is as far removed as it gets in terms of a step in the right direction. A productive direction would be to get Philly off its gasoline dependency and onto hydrogen. So I would suggest how about we all defy the smoking bans and light up for hydrogen so to speak?

I'm not quite sure if this is a joke or not -- but if it is, it's a pretty damn convincing one. However, I am glad to realize that changing all the city's automobiles to hydrogen is as simple as banning smoking in bars. (Okay, that ended up being pretty complicated.)

That's not all for this thread, though! Other critical points made by various posters were:

• "I used to have to sit in the passenger seat of my family station wagon in the 1970s and 1980s, with the windows rolled up and my mom chain smoking. Where was *my* rights? Hmm?" Indeed, where was they?
• "To argue that a little benzene exposure once every few weeks that you might be in a bar is ludicrously worse than getting full blown AIDS or having liver failure from veneral disease (but we aren't banning these people because of their rights---even though their diseases put US in danger?)" Yeah, one time I got AIDS from sitting next some dude with it in a bar.
• "I hope a bunch of bars close and those bar workers we were so worried about who used to get beucamp tips are now forced to work for shift differential at the Blockbuster to make up for it." Yuk, yuk! Is there anything more fun than hoping people lose their jobs?
• "This almost reeks of Stalinism."

Just kidding! Those were all from the same poster.

• Petition to ban fat and ugly people from bars and restaurants: Get it! Because being fat and ugly is legal, and so is smoking, so we should ban that from bars and restaurants! OMG ROFL!

Fat people also force other patron to eat larger portions and take up more room. Think how many more people we could fit in a bar if we banned the fatties. ¶ Ugly people also ruin Philadelphia's bars and restaurants keeping us from being a world class city. We should follow Paris, London, and California by making it socially unacceptabel to be ugly.

I'll pause here so you can hold your sides from all the hilarity contained within that post.

• Ok you Anti-Smoking Zealots, Explain This One: This is a very short post:

Read here.

Care to explain to me the hypocrisy?

In case you don't want to click on the link, here's what it says: After DC City Council passed a smoking ban, Congress exempted themselves from it. Because... federal lawmakers... have... a lot... to do... with... Philadelphia... City... oh, sorry, my head just exploded.

Here's a look at my favorite reply, though:

Just a thought. They think their poo-poo smells like roses, to quote Andre and Big Boi!

• Let's not be too hard on the smokers, though. Some smoking ban advocates got into the act as well:

• "Do you poor little whiney smokers hear that???? No?........ That is because that is the sound of no one giving a sh*t about your 'rights' to smoke. HAHAHAHAHAH give it a year or two and the smoking ban will be all of PA. Then I will laugh at the smokers who have to stand outside during the winter in -20 degree weather when I walk into the bar. AHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHHAAHHAHAHA." AHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHHAAHHAHAHA, indeed.
• "I loved being out yesterday. I have that smoking ban number on my cell now. Ready for when I see someone light up. When I was out I caught I one person sneaking a smoke in a bar but they "forgot" and ran back outside. Hell I even walked by some bars just to see if anyone was lighting up so I can rat them out." Thank you, Cindy Brady.

• Thread! Of! The! Week! It was no contest this week. It goes to superstar Phillyblog poster/Mayor of the Internet State Rep. Mark B. Cohen, who took time out from buying books on the taxpayer dime to write a thread announcing Phillyblog was almost at 10,000 members and this thread when the 10,000th member joined:

CeeCee Becomes 10,000th Phillyblog Member Around 5:35 P.M.

CeeCee became the 10,000th person to join the Phillyblog community sometime between 5:32 p.m. today and 5:35 p.m. today. Of the 10,000 to join Phillyblog, 9,930 are current members. By the end of September 30, 2006--and likely earlier--we will have our 10,000th current member as well.

Congratulations, Mr. Cohen! I'd like to give out a prize to whoever wins thread of the week, specified to fit their needs. For Mr. Cohen, I have a special prize. Since he is such an avid reader, he gets... the... first book I can find on my desk... lesse... ahh, here we go: Eagles Essential, by Thom Loverro. This 187-page trove is full of facts about the city's most beloved team. It'll be in the mail shortly.

Thanks to 14th Windiest State for help with this week's edition and for the "Mayor of the Internet" joke.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:18 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

NBC 10 Fan Blogger Does Much To Improve City's Image

Week 1:

Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Brent Estock and a die hard eagles fan. I have created and built a room at my house that is a tribute to Veterans Stadium. My room has a 400, 500 ,600 & of course a 700 level and we refer to this room as "THE BRENT". Every Sunday we all gather to watch and cheer on our beloved birds.

Okay, bit much, but I dig it. (Although a 400 level? Wasn't that the club level?) Let's move on...

And Week 2:

Everyone was just sitting in disbelief after that disastrous fourth quarter. As Phil Harvey always said "And you know the rest of the story." All out blitz against Manning and he just throws the ball up -- Burress comes down with it and it tears my heart out. [...]

My head is still spinning, where is the Advil !!!!

I'm sure Paul "Phil" Harvey loves the reference.

And... Week 3:

I have to go back to a press conference with A.I. when he said PRACTICE, WE'RE TALKING PRACTICE !! I don't care if B-WEST doesn't practice the rest of the year, if he comes out on game day and plays the way he has these first three games. I will sit in there and say PRACTICE, WE'RE TALKIN PRACTICE !! [...]

Before I sign off I just want to give a shout out to women who brought over the great food we had today at THE BRENT to go along with the World Famous Turkey Bar B-Que .

Lets get ready for the Pack this week and go to 3 and 1

Here's to you, Mr. Ultimate Philadelphia Sports Fan.

Eagles Fan Blogger: Weeks 1 & 2 [NBC 10]
Eagles Fan Blogger: Week 3 [NBC 10]
Paul Harvey [Wikipedia]

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Bud Light Ad Reps Philly, Not Dogs

If you've ever listened to the radio, you may have heard Bud Light's "Real Men Of Genius" ads. Like most beer ads attempting to be funny, they fall into the kinda-clever-maybe-sorta and where-the-hell-are-the-boobs-that-are-usually-in-these-beer-ads categories.

Well, now there's one about Philadelphia sports fans:

Mr. Ultimate Philadelphia Sports Fan (Arrow to play; link to download.)

Not bad, but with one problem: The dog show does come to town, guys. I'm not sure if we tailgate, but I'd sure like to.

Update, 2:28 p.m.: Changed the player since some of you were having problems with it. Sorry!

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Also: Children Of Felons To Be Pulled Out Of School During Non-Violence Month

The backlash continues! Two days after the Daily News wrote about parents upset about October being declared "Gay & Lesbian History Month" on school calendars, the Inquirer picks up the ball and runs with it, finding even more parents who are upset at something printed on a school calendar. (NBC 10 also chimed in Tuesday with actual images of the calendar in question!)

The Inky reports that about 120 people have complained about a simple line on a calendar. Usually, the district only gets calls from unfunny oppressed middle class white people who ask why there's a black history month but not a white male history month. (Ho ho!)

And one woman is going as far to protest a sentence on a calendar that she's doing this:

An irate Senita Watson went to school district headquarters yesterday to find out how she could homeschool her daughter for the month of October. She won't let her 7-year-old second grader attend Emlen School during that period, she said.

"How can you celebrate gay and lesbian month? What are you going to teach my daughter?" asked Watson, who said she was calling on other parents to boycott the district in October. "They need to have a nonviolence month, not a gay and lesbian month... Our children have enough to worry about with drugs."

Indeed! It is a requirement of LGBT History Month that we all go around and do drugs and have sex with people of the same gender. Watson's curriculum for her October homeschooling includes the following:

• Math (1 calendar + 1 gay month = 0 days of school in October for her daughter!)
• Nonviolence, except against gays
• English (except for Oscar Wilde, Gore Vidal, etc.)
• DARE

It should be an exciting month!

Gay history month sparks district debate [Inquirer]
Nod to Gay Month irks some parents [Daily News]
Images Of Controversial Gay History Calendar

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Women's TV Network Develops Greatest Show Ever

Michael Klein reports today in the Inquirer:

A 4-month-old puppy named Daisy, owned by Maggie Sweeney of Ambler, won last weekend's local prelim for We TV's new reality show, America's Cutest Puppies. Dog and owner are bound for the final in L.A. in November.

I'm already setting my TiVo.

Photo by Kyle and/or Kelly Adams, licensed via Creative Commons

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Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

John Baer: The state legislature thinks we Philadelphians need 15 handguns a month.

Ronnie Polaneczky: Kids are being picked up for curfew violations. Oh happy day!

Pat Buchanan: I HATE MEXICANS!

Posted by D-Mac at 10:10 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Owens Trying Dr. Seuss Method Of Spin

Something tells me he's still a little out of it.

Suicide Attempt? 'Absurb,' Says Terrell Owens [KYW 1060]

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September 27, 2006

Leftovers: The T.O. Show

• Your final T.O. update of the day: He says he wasn't attempting suicide. Said the report of him taking 35 pills was "absurd" and everything was just a misunderstanding. Take what you want from that. [ESPN.com]

• A group of parents are upset because -- wait for it! -- the Philadelphia School District has declared October "Gay & Lesbian History Month." "As a parent, I do understand why they would want to include everyone," said Addie Williams, who's on the Home and School council. "But... I personally would not want to announce that or include that in a public setting because I believe in a man and a woman - a mother-and-a-father household." Translation: "I like everyone, except for those queers." [Daily News]

• There's nothing like a little bit of needless fighting to remind you how great the "good old days" were: "If I did not understand by 'words' what respect meant, then Mom, using Dad’s leather belt across my butt or the back of the legs, surely did! And sometimes it might even be the neighbor who taught a kid 'respect.' My old gym teacher? When he caught two kids fighting in the school yard? He 'drug' them down to the school gym and on went the boxing gloves. They slugged it out until one hollered, 'I quit.'" Ahh, is there anything better than an adult writing a letter to the editor about his fantasies of beating up random kids because they looked at him the wrong way? [Chestnut Hill Local]

• Five of the state's racetrack casinos have been approved by the state Gaming Control Board. Let the money wasting begin! [Inquirer]

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Dancing With The Slots

Applicants for the a casino job at Bensalem's Philadelphia Park need to bring more than just a resume. They need to bring a pair of dancing shoes.

The new casino at the racetrack on Street Road is looking for applicants for various jobs and here's the auditioning process:

Job applicants said they're being asked to dance to “YMCA” or a Bon Jovi song — with blow-up guitar — during interviews at the Bucks County Visitors and Conference Bureau in Bensalem.

A casino official said Tuesday the park is pleased with the response to its unorthodox hiring method, but some prospective hires say the process is unfair... applicants learned they'd have to dance to “YMCA” or air guitar to Bon Jovi's “Living on a Prayer.”

[An applicant] said there were many senior citizens in the crowd, along with one man who had a prosthetic leg. She said she doubted they had ever heard of the songs they were supposed to perform.

Yeah, I mean, who ever heard of that obscure ditty "YMCA"?

Not the same old song and dance [Bucks County Courier Times]

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NBC 10 Runs Cutest Caption Contest Ever!

Eeeeeeeeeee!

Caption Me: Cocker Spaniel Puppies [NBC 10]

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Eagles Fans Already Hoping The Team Can Somehow Avoid Playing Against T.O.

Thanks, Philly.com message board. Thanks.

T.O. violated NFL substance abuse policy [Philly.com Eagles Forum]
Archives: Terrell Owens

Posted by D-Mac at 01:50 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

City Council Only Seems Like It's Stuck In 1932

In one of the many threads on Phillyblog about the smoking ban, a poster noted another City Council business-regulation bill. This one essentially bans the sell of drug paraphernalia in convenience stores and other non-smoke shops (.pdf download).

Nothing too special there. But check out section 2, which explains what's banned:

Objects used, intended for use or designed for use in ingesting, inhaling or otherwise introducing marihuana, cocaine, hashish or hashish oil into the human body.

Damn kids and their marihuana and their speakeasies!

Bill No. 060345 [Phila.gov via Phillyblog]

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New NFL Kids Website Attempts To Scare Children Away From Football Before They Get Sucked In

NFL Rush

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An Update On Terrell Owens

The Dallas police held a press conference a little over an hour ago to update the status of Terrell Owens. Or, really, just to release a statement and then walk away. The police said they didn't know how the police report got out, that no one was being charged with anything, and that's about it.

Owens' publicist has disputed the facts of the police report, which stated that an officer asked T.O. if he was trying to harm himself and he responded, "Yes." The Cowboys are holding a press conference later this afternoon.

The breaking news has brought out the jokers and the armchair psychiatrists. And some Dallas TV stations are interviewing the experts, like this story from WFAA-TV:

"This is stunning news; obviously and incredibly surprising that a man in this position would reach this level of depression," said WFAA-TV sports director Dale Hansen. "There's something terribly wrong here, and hopefully we'll find out as the day goes on."

"There's something strange about his quote," said Philadelphia Will Do blogger Daniel McQuade. "But I can't quite put my finger on it."

Update, 1:30 p.m.: T.O. is giving a press conference in front of his house in a few. If you want to follow this story, the Dallas Morning News' blog isn't bad. It also contains this:

"We will get the truth from the man himself," said Deion Sanders. "He will tell the truth."

Mystery surrounds T.O. illness [Star-Telegram]
Police report: Terrell Owens attempted suicide [WFAA-TV]

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Breaking: Joke Once Found Only On Myspace Pages Finds Way Into 'Inquirer'

From Annette John-Hall's Inquirer column today:

They're the ones left with having to negotiate gun play instead of playgrounds, to live in a city that some teens have dubbed "Killadelphia, Pistolvania," notes senior Shaday Festus, 18, who hopes to be heading to Temple to study law.

Next week? That old joke about the "Kommunity Kollege of Filadelphia."

Students' savvy candor on a recent Diddy visit [Inquirer]
"Killadelphia, Pistolvania [Google Search]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:27 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

John Baer: Pennsylvanians like guns!

Jill Porter: "I believe we've come to a tipping point, as defined by author Malcolm Gladwell, the moment in which a phenomenon accelerates into an epidemic that takes everyone by surprise." And I believe we've come to one of the seven habits of highly successful people!

Flavia Colgan: Will Islam rise to the Pope's challenge? (He challenged Islam to a 50-yard dash.)

Posted by D-Mac at 10:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Report: T.O. Attempted Suicide

A police report out of Dallas says that ex-Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens -- really, if you're reading this I hope you know who he is by now -- attempted suicide last night:

Terrell Owens told police he attempted suicide last night.

CBS 11 News first reported the Dallas Cowboys wide receiver was wheeled into Baylor Medical Center Tuesday night.

According to the Dallas Police Department incident report, Owens told police he took more than 30 pills in a suicide attempt.

Sources tell CBS 11 News Owens was taken to Baylor Hospital by Dallas Fire Rescue and that emergency room doctors attempted to induce vomiting.

Nice that CBS 11 News in Dallas interrupted their report on a man's attempted suicide to plug themselves. More on this as it develops.

DPD Report Says Owens Attempted Suicide [CBS 11]

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Pelvis Power Fails To Lead Phils To Victory

Clearly, we all weren't thrusting enough last night, as the Phils dropped another heartbreaker to the Nationals, 4-3, dropping them a game back in the Wild Card race with only 5 games left.

It's okay, though: I'm still optimistic. (This, of course, is the most important thing.) You should be, too.

Hey, the local nine has blown enough easily winnable games this year, why shouldn't one two of them be in the final week of the season?

They're still going to do it. Power to the pelvis!

For Phillies, Plan C had better be good [Daily News]

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September 26, 2006

Reminder: Rally Pelvis! Go Phils!

A little video to remind you of the power of the Rally Pelvis:

Right after this, Jimmy Rollins hit a homer. Let's go, boys in red and white. Six games to go.

Earlier today: For Your Consideration: Rally Pelvis

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Leftovers: Philly Don't Get Your Gun

• Oh, the gun rally has made it to Harrisburg! Well, the people on buses. The people who tried to walk there are currently under arrest for attempting to get on the turnpike without a vehicle. [Inquirer]

• Speaking of gun violence, does the Inquirer have a hard-on for anti-gun advocates? I don't know. Will the paper's circulation increase if the editors do? [Classical Values]

• Penn students ask: Will Jannie Blackwell run? By the end of this mayoral race, there's going to be 270 people vying for the Democratic nomination. [Daily Pennsylvanian]

• There's not much time left to register to vote! But, don't worry, if you don't register in time, here's the little secret about voting that nobody wants you to know about: It doesn't matter if you do or not. Yes, PWD will be strongly against voting this year. I think it's the important issues that count. [Metroblogging]

• There's a 110-year-old man living in Florida who played Negro League baseball. And where was he from? Philly, naturally. Rock on, dude. [NYT]

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A Very Special Chat™: Vai, Napoleon And Starstruckcakes

There's a new blogger on the horizon, and his name is Dan Stamm:

pwddmac: looks like teresa has some competition!

anonymous reader: gahhhhhhhh
reader: good lord
reader: do you think these "bloggers" have any journalism background at all?
reader: not to get all blogger hateful on you, but seriously, this is so not what a real news site should have up
pwddmac: uhh, it's nbc 10.
reader: nbc10 wasn't always just a repository for tabloid crap
reader: it's so totally insane now that it might as well be fox news
pwddmac: i think it's in a whole different league
pwddmac: like, fox news just yells at you and tells you how great president bush is. nbc 10 is more like laugh-in.
pwddmac: no. i mean, if laugh-in were written by chimps.
reader: don't call bill henley a chimp again, though, or we're gonna have problems
pwddmac: SOCK IT TO ME!
pwddmac: but i don't really have any room to criticize.
reader: no no no. you're not all "oh wow, look what this job let me do! wow! starstruckcakes."
reader: alt-weeklies are supposed to include "edgier" stuff, not be 100% news, etc. alt-weeklies should have blogs. news? real (well, "real") news should not.
pwddmac: wait.
pwddmac: starstruckcakes?
pwddmac: you know what? let's move on. i did enjoy the tecmo super bowl reference.
reader: "How cool is that. Wikipedia even has a mention of it."
reader: like, wow!
pwddmac: i think this is my favorite one: "Jon even verified that Vai really was his uncle after co-star Jacinda Barrett questioned the relation. Vai added that it was by marriage – but that’s still cool. Jacinda by the way is a total fox!"
pwddmac: i'm glad he's okay with people having nephews by marriage. i was a little worried nbc 10 was taking a hard line against that.
pwddmac: "Watching live news still amazes me every time I see it, especially when I get to work with professionals like these guys."
pwddmac: i should invite him over to watch me blog
pwddmac: maybe his head will explode
reader: probably
reader: because don't you also have tecmo at your house?
pwddmac: i do!
reader: what if he could play tecmo AND watch you blog?
reader: did you look at the slides?
reader: there's a photo with this caption:
reader: "Jon Heder -- notice the Evian next to him"
pwddmac: this is sort of the citizen kane of local news blogs
reader: just swap out "sweet" for "rosebud."

NBC10.Com Blog: Vai Sikahema, NBC10.Com and Jon Heder Go Hollywood In New York City [NBC 10]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:26 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Public Art With Sprinkles And Kreme

Philadelphia public art tends to come in three flavors: Excellent, absolutely hideously awful and Rocky. It runs about 50-50 if you ignore Penn's campus (in which case it shifts heavily in favor of hideously awful).

Regardless of whether you like the clothespin, you'd have to admit that most of the public art in the city is situated so as to attempt to make already nice places look nicer. Actually, I don't know if that's true, but let's assume it is, or else I have to go back and rewrite.

There are a few places in this city uglier than the stretch of I-76 under 30th Street Station. It's ugly, it's dark and it reeks of exhaust. Well, not quite, because at certain times of the day it also reeks of donuts. Sweet, glorious donuts. (It's from the Dunkin Donuts in 30th Street, but I prefer to think of it as some sort of city smell beautification program.)

Still, although it smells nice most of the day, the donut spot still could use a little touching up visually. Phillyblog user wysong comes through in the clutch:

So, my friend and I were talking about this Amy Guttman talk tonite about linking Center City and Univ City. I mentioned how the city should install some linear public art along the schuylkill exp. where it runs under 30 st. sta. and the post office in order to make it look nicer from the river trail and tie the banks together. So she said, "how bout an interpretation of the donut smell on the exp - wafting little donuts on breeze-like swirls". so i photoshopped a crude drawing in 15 minutes and voila.

The finished product, an edited photo from phillyskyline (click to enlarge):

Love it. I'm not much for activism over here, but I urge you write to your lawmakers and demand this be built immediately.

Interpretive Donut Art [Phillyblog]

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The Smoking Ban Is Dead/Long Live The Smoking Ban

We're day one into a smoke-free Philadelphia, and already our heart attacks are down!

Okay, probably not. (I'm still sure we Philadelphians stuff our faces with enough pizza and cheesesteaks to make up for any gains from not smoking.) But while Philadelphia is now "officially" smoke-free, owners of local bars and restaurants are a little confused. You see, the city rolled out the smoking ban at the flick of a Mayor Street wrist, and didn't even notify anyone except the media about it. As The Illadelph points out, New Jersey has a website with tons of smoke ban info. And, of course, it also had a 90-day period where it notified businesses that they had to be smoke free by tax day.

Bars in Philly? Eh, the owners in Philly are a little confused, and Michael Nutter (who else) is on the offensive:

"It's unfair to citizens and employers to have this sudden announcement out of nowhere that the ban will be immediately enforced," Nutter said. "I think this is a warped, vindictive attempt to create more confusion, more consternation about the smoking ban."

Could Street be trying to sabotage the smoking ban so everyone wants it repealed in a few months (i.e. so Nutter can't take credit for it)? Oh, man. I think I'd trade a little lung cancer for that kind of hilarity.

Hastening of smoke ban spells confusion [Daily News]
Reuters
Heart attacks decline after smoking ban [Reuters/Yahoo!]
Mayor Street attempts to sabotage smoking ban with worst, most totally clusterfucked implementation scheme imaginable [The Illadelph]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:00 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Best Gay Porn Headline Of The Day

I don't know about you guys, but I prefer my manhole to be as fury-free as possible.

Manholes of fury [Temple News]

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For Your Consideration: The Rally Pelvis

Well, clearly not talking about it didn't work. So, let's put it forth: It's the final week of the baseball season. The Philles are somehow in the thick of the Wild Card chase.

And even after last night's crushing defeat to the Astros -- Charlie! Charlie! Why did you call for a bunt with Bourn on first! I don't expect you to know that a run scores from first with no outs more often than from second with one out, and so sacrifice bunts are a pretty stupid play, but IT'S ESPECIALLY A BAD PLAY WITH LIEBY AT THE PLATE AND ABE NUÑEZ COMING UP! And Lieberthal, why didn't you PULL BACK THE BUNT WHEN BOURN WAS PRETTY MUCH ALREADY AT SECOND AND !@(*&@)*&$ (*&%R()*@(&$*!! (Sorry. I'm done.) -- the Phils are still tied for first in the Wild Card.

The Phillies face off against the train wreck that is the Washington Nationals (thanks, Brad) tonight for a three game series and then head to Florida for three. The Dodgers? They have three in Colorado and three in San Fran.

So, the Phillies still have a good shot. Even if you're not a fan, it's time to root, root, root for the home team and hope that the fans of this cursed ballclub can have a chance at seeing some baseball in October for the first time since 1993.

At last night's game, as the Phillies failed to come through with a big hit after the bullpen blew yet another save, I realized just why: We don't have a stupid rally gimmick. The Angels had the Rally Monkey, the Red Sox had "Cowboy Up" or some other stupid curse bullshit, the White Sox had the umps making a bad call and giving them a win. What do the Phillies have? Nothing, that's what. I didn't even have a hat to turn inside out last night.

And so, I -- ok, my friend Ed, at a Phillies game about three years ago, was the one who came up with it -- present to you a gimmick so stupid, so ridiculous, so perfect that it can't help but put the Phillies over the hump and into the playoffs.

Any time the Phillies need a big hit, just start thrusting that pelvis. It'll produce homers in no time.

Bull from the pen [Daily News]
Nationals' chartered train derails in Delaware; no one injured [CBS Sportsline]
Yesterday: Last Week Of The Season: Don't Talk About Something That Rhymes With 'Mild Bard'

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Oprah's The One From The Rolling Stones, Right?

From today's Daily News:

Gee, how would we have ever told them apart without those little identifiers?

Posted by D-Mac at 11:29 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Can't You Read The Sign?

Yeah, a stalker is just what Ryan Howard needs at this point.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:37 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

John Baer: Lynn Swann won the debate against Ed Rendell. This should propel Swann into a crushing 15-point loss come November.

Mark Alan Hughes: Let's write in candidates instead of voting for the people the Democrats want us to! Yeah! Let's all do it! Everybody with me... hello... hey, where is everyone? Where are my legions of followers?

Ronnie Polaneczky: Doctors hate nurses.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:02 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Cliché My Headline

It's good to know that, if I'm ever in a good mood, with just one flip back to the Sunday Inquirer, I can remember why I hate everything.

Pimp my walker [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:30 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

September 25, 2006

Leftovers: Crying Green (And Red) Tears

• Green Party gubernatorial candidate Carl Romanelli -- whose attempt to get on the ballot was bankrolled by Republicans -- has been thrown off the ballot by a state judge for failing to have the correct number of signatures. He's not going away, though. Romanelli is planning to fight for his right for a third-place finish until 2010, at least. [AP/Philly.com]

• Media fight: It's Jay Glazer versus Les Bowen! Glazer says, "Jevon Kearse's career is over! The sky is falling!" and Bowen retorts with, "That exclusive Fox story yesterday about the severity of Jevon Kearse's left-knee injury contained some details that hadn't been disclosed previously, but the overall conclusion that the injury was worse than reported was not entirely true." Snappy comeback! [Fox Sports, Inky via NBC 10 Eagles Blog]

• Next Pennsylvania stop for the smoking ban lobby? None other than Pittsburgh, which is considering it. Sigh. Pretty soon all of Pennsylvania won't be able to breathe noxious fumes in the steel plant or coal mine (yes, yes) all day and then breathe noxious fumes in the bar all night. [Inky Fishbowl]

• Pennsylvania's gambling board is going to take time out from being arrested to approve the casinos planned for Pennsylvania's racetracks later this week. The towns with tracks are pumped. Says Bensalem's William McCauley: "We know who's going to be on the property. We're not going to end up with... another mall or a shopping center-slash-housing development." Because, really, a housing development is so much more destructive than a casino! [AP/Courier Post]

• The turnpike service plazas are getting more bathrooms! Hooray! [AP/Philly.com]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:00 PM |