August 31, 2006

Leftovers: Please Speak Section 8 When Renting

• Dear gods of the blogoverse, please please please make the liberal bloggers come to Philadelphia. (And, for that matter, any conservative bloggers, too.) Then we can get bowling balls and make the greatest game in the history of the world. [Attytood]

• A trucker in East Whiteland Township got a ticket for $17,000. "But once you get in the there with a 53-footer, its impossible to get out," he said. Tell me about it. [NBC 10]

• In response to his uncle's arrest, Bam Margera is going to move to Kazakhstan. With Borat! [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:35 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

Boxing Out Terrorists At Independence Hall

As you may have heard by now, the geniuses at the National Park Service are planning on putting a seven-foot wrought iron fence around Independence Hall. This idea has been condemned by everyone from Arlen Specter to John Street to the editorial boards of both the Inky and Daily News to neighbors in Society Hill. Charlie Manuel probably hates it, too.

But, in case you haven't gotten the idea as to what a giant, seven-foot fence surrounding Independence Hall would look like, Philly Skyline's Brad Maule has given us a nice visual aid with the help of a certain overpaid 6-foot-11 center:

And, really, would that ever work? Samuel Dalembert couldn't even guard Manute Bol. What's he gonna do to a terrorist?

Hometown Improvement [PW]
The Independence Experience [phillyskyline]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Allen Iverson Shouldn't Have Hired The Hells Angels To Do Security At His Party

Each of the four men is looking for 600k from AI and his manager Gary Moore, stemming from what they say was a wild night:

According to Stephen Bricker, attorney to the four plaintiffs, Priest Brown and Robin Isman say they were attacked by security team members as they left the club, and Arthur Simmons and Daryl Cooper say they were assaulted while dancing.

Simmons was punched and Cooper was punched and hit with a chair, Bricker said. Brown was repeatedly kicked and punched and Isman was punched in the face as they were walking outside the club, Bricker said.

"They were looking to get the buzz that they were big, bad dudes," Bricker said of the security team.

Hit with a chair, eh? Should be pretty simple -- the culprit is obviously a former ECW wrestler.

Four men sue Iverson, claim star's security attacked them [AP/Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Street Sticking To His, Uh, Libertarianism

Way back in June, City Council finally passed a smoking ban. The bill had exemptions, of course, but the city's anti-smoking lobby was excited, City Council was excited, even some bar owners were down with it. It wasn't so hot for Joe Camel, but, c'mon.

Mayor Street had until early September to sign the bill, City Council went on vacation and the whole thing was promptly forgotten, except for conversations with smokers in bars. ("Oh, you know we won't be able to do that in a few months!" "Wow." "Hey, want to come home with me?" "No.") Everyone figured it'd be signed in a few months, would go into effect in January and we'd all come home smelling a lot less shitty.

Except, uh, right. In a clever and oh-so-predictable display of John Streetedness, John Street is probably not going to sign the bill.

It's fairly simple, of course: Michael Nutter spearheaded the bill, and Street doesn't like Nutter and doesn't want him to be the next mayor. Street could probably come up with a good fake reason to oppose the bill, but he's come up with, by far, the stupidest reason in the history of Philadelphia politics (And, remember, this is a city that bombed a block of rowhomes and let it burn.)

Street's reasoning is, of course, that the smoking ban is "defective" because... it allows patrons to smoke outdoors. That's right! Ol' Johnny boy says he's not going to sign the bill because you can smoke at sidewalk cafes. "A smoking ban that doesn't include sidewalk cafes isn't much of a ban." Now, Street coulda said something about the exemptions for taverns -- especially the clash between state and local laws, which force bars to choose between going smoke-free or closing on Sundays -- or private clubs. Or he could have put on a chicken suit and clucked at cars for four hours yesterday in opposition to the bill because it uses the letter "e" too much.

Either of those would have been better, more reasonable reasons to dislike the smoking ban. But instead Street goes with the most random fake reason to dislike the bill he can come up with. In the smoking bans across this great nation of ours, where is the one place where you're usually allowed to smoke? That's right: Sidewalk cafes.

Oh, Street has another good money quote, too: "We are all for a ban, but the way it happened isn't a model of the legislative process." Okay, I'll give you a minute to stop laughing before moving on.

Done? Good. So what's going to happen now? As usual, who knows. All we know is: Smoke 'em if you got 'em, and even if you don't, well, somebody next to you might.

Street balking on smoke-ban bill [Daily News]
June 16: Q&A On The Smoking Bill

Posted by D-Mac at 01:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

'Philly EDGE' Continues The Awesome

Let's bowl it out, bitches.

Philly EDGE

Posted by D-Mac at 12:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Sleep In Heavenly Peace

All is not calm, all is not bright.

Violent Night, Deadly Night In Philadelphia

Posted by D-Mac at 12:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

'Good Day' Drops Ball, '10!' Show Picks It Up

Now that Mascot Monday appears to just be an inexplicable part of our past, the other local morning shows are picking up the slack with mascots. Good show, 10! Good show.

Posted by D-Mac at 11:05 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

To His Koy Quarterback

Yesterday, the Eagles cut Koy Detmer and Todd Pinkston, two longtime Eagles. And, although they both (to put it lightly) sucked, we're certainly going to miss them.

We're especially going to miss Koy Detmer, basically for one reason:

The whip celebration. We haven't seen it in, uh, forever, but every game he was out there, we sorta hoped we'd see it. Godspeed, Koy.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:38 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

Stu Bykofsky: Byko's back in Philly, bitches!

Ronnie Polaneczky: Move the Liberty Bell to Billy Penn's hat! Whooooooo, get it?

Posted by D-Mac at 10:33 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Shitty Philly Cabs Cause Extra Buck Surcharge

But, although City Council approved a $5 surcharge, there's also an extra buck surcharge from the state legislature:

Corinne O’Connor, head of on-street parking, says the extra buck is needed because the Parking Authority now oversees taxis and limos in the city:

“We did not receive any kind of funding for staffing and the cost it takes to run that department, so the dollar surcharge has helped with that.”

O’Connor says beyond the goal of the original increase is not to raise cash, but to spur turnaround at the meters.

So, right: Taxis are pretty shitty, and so the state needs to charge extra to make sure they stay that way. Thanks, Pennsylvania.

Most City Parking Fines Up by $5 -- Actually, $6 [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:25 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 30, 2006

Concerts in the Park

In case you're wondering, tonight's concert is still on! (Barring the apocalypse.) A-Sides and Cordalene, 7 p.m., Rittenhouse Square. Etc.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Leftovers: Start The Parade Down Broad Street

• The Eagles cut Todd Pinkston and Koy Detmer, re-sign A.J. Feeley. Heather Mitts is back, baby! [PhiladelphiaEagles.com]

• Possible new Pennsylvania law: Sex offenders have to declare "I am a convicted sex offender!" upon entering a library. Oh, boy, that's going to be a fun time for everyone involved. [Above Average Jane]

• Jessica Simpson wore a shower curtain the other night. [TinaPopo]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:27 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Breaking: 'Philly EDGE' Continues 'Get Drunk And Hook Up While Listening To Cover Bands, Suburbanites!' Editorial Campaign

An article about getting all sluttied up and going down to Sea Isle for a "Gottis and Hottis" party? Check.

An article about getting all sluttied up and going down to Sea Isle that includes the following description?

On this particular weekend, Meghan*, 22, from NE Philly, was the buzz of the house. She had just so happened to be at the House of Blues in Atlantic City for a Friday night show featuring actor John Corbett and his band. Most of you will remember Corbett as Sarah Jessica Parker’s flame Aidan from Sex and the City.

During the show, Meghan locked eyes with Corbett. As he exited the stage, he whispered in her ear “Wait for me.” [...]

Meghan met up with Corbett and the rest of the band in the Foundation Room inside the House of Blues at the Showboat Casino. She said the room was dark with a Buddha theme and was pretty empty because the band rented out the whole room. They stayed there until about 3:30 a.m. when they went to one of the bars in the casino.

As they shared a few cigarettes out on the balcony which overlooked the beach, Meghan said they also shared a little make-out session.

“The kiss was sloppy,” Meghan said. “He tasted like Patron (tequila) because he drank so much of it all night. Every time I turned around, he was ordering more Patron or shots of Red-Headed Sluts.”

The shot, she said, was a funny choice since he seemed to be a little sluttish himself.

“[Corbett] kept whispering in my ear ‘(Room) 1108, baby; you better be there tonight,’” Meghan said.

Check.

An article about getting all sluttied up and going down to Sea Isle that includes that description and also includes this description?

One of the girls, Sam*, 21, from Bucks County, couldn’t decide what to wear. She was going in and out of everyone’s rooms, trying everything on and hating it all. One of the problems was that her boobs were too big for most of the shirts she was trying on. She eventually realized that spilling out of her top was actually appropriate for the party we were heading to, so she settled on a black corset top with her significant cleavage popping out. She piled her auburn hair into a bouffant-like ’do, completing the trashy look in-line with the theme of the party.

Uh, check. And God bless the Internet, Philly EDGE and everything inbetween.

Snapshots from the shore [Philly EDGE]
Ki$$ for Ca$h [Philly EDGE]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

OMG CUTEST NIGHT AT THE BALLPARK EVER

Well played, Pittsburgh Pirates.

Diamond dogs: Pup-Night at PNC Park attracts 200 canines (and their owners) [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

From Pole To Pole

pwddmac: so, that new teresa masterson thing, i think we should just leave it alone this time. i don't want to do TM overkill.

anonymous reader: no! we can't not talk about her pole dancing.
reader: although for some reason, i feel almost bad when we make fun of her now
reader: she does seem reasonably cool
pwddmac: i agree. but it's just a shtick. i mean, we're not all that mean, are we?
reader: i guess we're just more detached. i've never thought of her reading this before.
pwddmac: hmm. so do you want to let it go?
reader: uh, no. i'm just going to feel bad about it afterward.
reader: let's play a game called - can you diagram the following sentence:
reader: "But in this Britney Spears culture, where women feel it necessary to show it all, it seems like we’re missing the good stuff when everyone is showing off all of their stuff."
pwddmac: okay.

pwddmac: i gave up after that
pwddmac: did you know there's a pole in big boi's bedroom?
pwddmac: i saw it on cribs. t.o. also has a room called the "chocolate room" in his atlanta house where you have to take your shoes off to enter.
reader: oh god, she should go interview t.o. that would be amazing.
reader: or at least drew
pwddmac: "Next question!"
pwddmac: "Drew, do you think that, in this Britney Spears culture, where women feel it necessary to show it all, it seems like we’re missing the good stuff when everyone is showing off all of their stuff?"
reader: the next "crazy" thing she does for the "blog" should be a "date" with john ogden, i think
pwddmac: or she can get help him do things to get evicted

Blog: Beyond The Pole [NBC 10]
Archives: Teresa Masterson

Posted by D-Mac at 02:35 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

George Bush Doesn't Care About... Someone

You see, Evander Holyfield was on it once. And Jerry Rice was runner-up last year. And, this fall, Emmitt Smith will be on the show, making it three Hall of Fame athletes making some extra cash after their careers are over. (Well, Holyfield is now boxing again. But still.)

And so, John-Hall thinks it's good for men, specifically black men, who are won over by the "cool-pose culture." Maybe Emmitt Smith can show people it's okay to dress up and dance. Fair enough. But, of course, there's also this:

The message is reinforced widely - from the words and imagery of hip-hop, to the reproachful taunting in sports, even from the White House, [Mark Anthony] Neal tells me.

"Say what you want about [White House] policies, one of Bush's successes was getting across the message that a real man never wavers. You attack first; attack before they attack you. So it's coming from the top."

Yep! All those kids in the cities, taking after the president, clearing brush on their ranches, still not being able to find WMDs. That kind of thing.

Manly men can wear cleats and dance shoes [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Philadelphia Will Do Turns 1 Today

Aww, yay and whatnot. Thanks to youse for making the last 2,985 posts (2,700 of them boring), approximately 100,000 words (10,000 of them spelled wrong) and about 100 puppy photos (all of them cute) an immense joy.

Extremely adorable photo courtesy of julesangel

Posted by D-Mac at 12:00 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Three Sex Charges And You're Kind Of Out

Yesterday, Penn responded with swift justice:

In a terse statement released yesterday afternoon, the University of Pennsylvania said it had "made arrangements to ensure that he will not be teaching at the Wharton School or elsewhere at the university this semester or in the future."

That's right, sports fans! If you get charged with three sex crimes -- and, well, if you have tenure -- Penn will... uh... pay you to not teach. Sweet.

Penn: Alleged sex offender won't teach [Inquirer]
Yesterday: Penn Professors Love Their Kiddie Porn

Posted by D-Mac at 11:45 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Boffo For Bullies!

First sentence of a story in today's Bucks County Courier Times:

“Bullying” is not a problem right now at Council Rock’s Holland Elementary School in Northampton, school Principal Andrew Sanko said.

The students, also, are doing an excellent job in "reading" and "social studies."

School to launch anti-bullying project [Bucks County Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:13 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Racial Profiling: It's Delicious!

Before you fight a war, you must first identify the enemy.

This is war, not a study into how far we can stretch the ambiguity of the Constitution. Racial profiling is something that's done every day in America. It is something that is never questioned if done right, something that's even preferred in most cases where favorably used.

Example: Chinese food, Japanese cars, Italian hoagies and Swedish meatballs, Cuban cigars and Russian vodka, just to name a few. The black athlete, your Jewish lawyer, ever see a fat Chinese person? All of these are examples of profiling. Police do it all the time, legally and illegally.

We are at war with a very distinct visual enemy. As a black man, I'm subjected to racial profiling every day. But when I want a good Italian hoagie, I don't go to Big Mama's Rib Joint, and when I want good barbecued ribs, I don't go to Luigi's. Racial profiling makes all the sense in the world when applied properly. In fact, to not profile, with so much at stake, would be grossly negligent.

To not profile, with so much delicious food at stake, would indeed be grossly negligent.

Profiling's everywhere and it's oh so useful [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:28 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

Urban Warrior Chris Brennan: URBAN WARRIOR SAVES THE DAY!

Jill Porter: Jill Porter is back for this breaking story: John Mark Karr didn't do it!

Posted by D-Mac at 09:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

American Justice

Yesterday, from the Inquirer:

In 1999, [Lawrence Scott] Ward ended a six-year legal fight in a sex-solicitation case by entering a plea in which he did not admit guilt but acknowledged prosecutors had enough evidence for conviction. ¶ He was sentenced to five years' probation by Montgomery County Judge S. Gerald Corso.

Today, from the Intelligencer:

Baby formula theft: Joseph M. Riddle, 44, of Warminster, was found guilty by a Bucks County jury on Aug. 21 for the attempted theft of baby formula from the CVS on Route 202, police said. He was sentenced to no less than two years and not more than four years in the county jail.

Police news - 8/30/06 [Doylestown Intelligencer]
Yesterday: Penn Professors Love Their Kiddie Porn

Posted by D-Mac at 09:33 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 29, 2006

Leftovers: This Ain't No Party

• A man from Butler allegedly beat up his mom because she wouldn't party with him. Yeah, there are a lot of stupid things that happen in Philadelphia, but this kind of stuff is reserved for Western Pennsylvania. That and quarterbacks. [AP/Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

• Could A.J. Feeley be heading back to the Eagles? More importantly, could Heather Mitts be heading back to Philadelphia?

• Comcast needs proofreaders even more than my blog does. [The Trouble With Spikol]

• Highlight of the day: CNN's Kyra Phillips managing to have her mic turned on in the bathroom.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A Long-Overdue Irresistible Ella Update

Okay, I admit: I've been neglecting Irresistible Ella these past few months. But, inspired by the boys at Badminton Stamps and this amazing Ella, uh, parody a friend sent me, I decided to go take a look at what Ella's up to.

And, apparently, she's spent too much too much time in the sun. Damn, girl, wear some sunscreen!

Irresistible Ella [NBC 10]
Irresistible Allen Wrench [Badminton Stamps]
Archives: Irresistible Ella

Posted by D-Mac at 02:45 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

'Bulletin' Says Screw It, Let's Just Run Articles About How We Love Republicans

Political talk fills the papers and airwaves in the City of Brotherly Love these days.

Most of the yowling and yammering at the moment has to do with the growing confidence the Democrats are feeling in the statewide elections coming in November.

While the bright hope lies with Republican Senator Rick Santorum rapidly closing the once double-digit lead of his Democratic challenger, Pennsylvania Treasurer Bob Casey, down to low single digits, most of the other Republican incumbents in this area are finding themselves in the fight of their political lives.

Indeed! There is this nice little chestnut here, though:

David C. Thomsen is the Republican Chairman in the 15th Ward. This past year he assisted in an effort to get Temple graduate David Corbett on the ballot to run against Frank Oliver in the 195th legislative district. The campaign came close to getting 300 signatures, but wasn't near enough.

"Third parties get three or four months to gather signatures. We only get three weeks." Thomsen complained.

Yeah, those third parties have it so easy. Well, okay, maybe when the Republicans support them it's a little easier.

GOP Looking For A Few Good Mayoral Candidates [Bulletin]
Aug. 14: Dubya And The Greens, What A Combo

Posted by D-Mac at 01:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A New Twist On 'Is The Pope Catholic?'

Currently on the front page of Yahoo!:

Uh, duh:

Does the Pope carry a passport?

Posted by D-Mac at 01:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

And It Only Took Him A Year To Do So

Bush remembers Katrina victims [AP/CNN.com]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Did You Ever Know That You're My Hero

I was so angry after reading in Police Report ("Charged with teen's murder," Aug. 10) about senior citizen Barry Mason charged with murder after some teen snatched his jewelry. Mr. Mason should have been labeled a hero for standing up to this ongoing, escalating terror these ghetto punks are raging upon South Philadelphia.

I have witnessed many occasions where gangs roam through neighborhoods, looting, stealing and vandalizing. Mr. Mason must have had enough. I know what he was feeling. I was robbed many times by punks on bikes. If Mr. Mason is convicted in any way, shape or form, this judicial system is geared for the criminal and not for the law-abiding citizen.

Because, really, what better hero is there than a man who chases a kid down with his car and shoots him multiple times with a semiautomatic handgun?

Justice has blinders [South Philly Review, 2nd letter

Posted by D-Mac at 11:50 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Penn Professors Love Their Kiddie Porn

For the second time in three years, a Penn professor has been arrested for child pornography.

This time, Wharton professor emeritus Lawrence Scott Ward allegedly came into the country with videos of himself having sex with boys. In 2003, former Penn library head Paul Mosher pled guilty to child porn charges.

The feds caught Ward after he was flagged for several trips to Thailand. Here's the relevant info from the Inquirer article:

Customs agents on Sunday also discovered a video on Ward's laptop computer showing two children who appeared to be as young as 8 years old engaged in sexual activity, according to the affidavit. [...]

In 1999, Ward ended a six-year legal fight in a sex-solicitation case by entering a plea in which he did not admit guilt but acknowledged prosecutors had enough evidence for conviction.

He was sentenced to five years' probation by Montgomery County Judge S. Gerald Corso.

"My opinion is that you will respond very appropriately to probation," Corso said. "I would say this is not likely to recur."

I hope you didn't bet on that, your honor.

Wharton professor accused of child porn [Inquirer]
Mosher admits to child porn charges [Daily Pennsylvanian]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:28 AM | Comments (26) | TrackBack

Someone Who Has A Bigger Head Than T.O.

Yeah, I know, it's an ad. And ad for an effing fast food joint at that. But, really, anything that pokes fun at Terrell Owens' agent (and that infamous T.O. press conference last year) is worth watching.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:13 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

Elmer Smith: Paul Vallas is just like Ray Rhodes.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:57 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Shocker: Philly Rappers Give Philly Props

The Roots? Repping Philly? Surely you jest.

They proclaim to all the land: Philly is cool [Inquirer]
August 24: Do You Want 'Metro'?!!!??!

Posted by D-Mac at 09:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 28, 2006

Leftovers: Sixers Plan Trade of AI To Mom's Team

• Appearing on FOX News Sunday, Delaware Senator Joe Biden refuted the notion that he's too Northern (I guess) to run for President. How so? To wit: "You don’t know my state. My state was a slave state. My state is a border state. My state has the eighth-largest black population in the country. My state is anything from a Northeast liberal state." Tune into the Sunday talk shows next week, when Biden notes all the lynchings the state's had. [Wonkette]

• A report says that 24 percent of Philadelphians report being sexually abused. Fortunately, this puts us on par with other cities in the country. Er, wait. [CBS 3]

• Pagans -- the, uh, loosely affiliated religious groups, not the motorcycle gang -- recently held a conference in Fort Washington. How wild was it? As the Northeast Times notes, "They even wore T-shirts, tank tops, shorts, skirts, sneakers and sandals. And some had baseball caps, too." [NET]

• It's going to be a little longer before Northeast Philadelphian and astronaut goes into space, as the shuttle launch has been delayed. [AP/Yahoo!]

• Don Vito is heading home after his arrest. [AP/6 ABC]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

All Of God's Creatures, Especially The Disease-Carrying Mosquitos

Yes, I was wondering when Metro was going to ask "Superstar" Billy Graham his opinions. It's long overdue.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:54 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

John Staggs Continues To Be Awesome

Although the oath was ruled unconstitutional in the 1970s, it remained on the books in Pennsylvania until it was challenged in recent years -- by Pittsburgh mayoral candidate Jay Ressler last year and this year by State House candidate John Staggs, also a Socialist Workers Party member.

Staggs, you may remember, was the totally awesome third candidate in the 2003 Philadelphia mayoral election, whose platform included opposition to the war in Iraq and independence for Puerto Rico. He's also a butcher who was working on an experimental plane.

As you can tell, if there were any justice in the world, right now Philly would be run by our plane-flyin' meat packing plant-workin' socialist friend. Staggs challenged the rule forcing him to sign the loyalty oath when before submitting the signatures. He's running for the State House in District 198. If he wins -- which, uh, is not going to happen -- the state legislature would increase its awesomeness content by about a billion percent.

Pa. drops loyalty oath for candidates [AP/Yahoo!]
Butcher, candidate to vie for mayor spot [Daily Pennsylvanian]
State orders end to use of ‘loyalty oath’ [The Militant]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

F-Word 'Inquirer' Quotes Fucking Vampire

While the Inquirer doesn't print fuck, dick, cock, pussy, tits, twat, cunt, motherfucker, come-covered man slut or any other "sexual swear" I can't think of off the top of my head, there are several instances of "F-word." ("F-word" has been clinically proven to be less harmful to kids than "fuck.") We also learn that the Inquirer has lessened its restrictions on "damn" and "hell," yet "buggery" is banned. Well, bull feathers!

Apparently, though, cursing is good for the soul and good for society. (It's not even a sin to say "fuck." Yes! Fuck fuck fuck! See how fun that is?) As for society, well, Flam explains:

Overall, the scientific evidence suggests swearing is good for you, says psycholinguist Timothy Jay of Massachusetts College of the Liberal Arts and author of Cursing in America. ¶ We're the only animal that can curse, he says, which sometimes helps us avoid physical violence. "It allows us to express our emotions symbolically and at a distance." For example, Jay says, when a woman was weaving in front of him on the road that morning he was able to call her a "dumb ass" instead of getting out of his car and biting her.

After being cut off, Timothy Jay's two options were (a) say "dumb ass" or (b) get out and bite her. I must say, that's quite a clusterfuck.

Why are sex words our worst swear words? [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:20 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Police Recruit Takes Idea From Stupid Teenagers

A West Philadelphia man was kicked out of the city police academy after allegedly making terroristic threats last week.

On Aug. 15, Howard Neil Jr., 26, of Pine Street near 48th, allegedly told classmates that he would "make the police academy like Columbine," police said. Neil claimed he would use items in his gym bag to execute the plan at a building near the main police academy, on Red Lion Road near Academy.

Police called in the bomb squad and evacuated Valor Hall, a building at the academy. Neil was taken into custody late that morning and his gym bag was examined. The bag was later found to have nothing in it, according to a police spokesman.

Neil was charged with making terroristic threats and later released to await court action. He was scheduled to graduate from the academy in September but has been dismissed, police said.

Aw, c'mon! A cop with a duffel bag full of assault weapons! (Or, at least saying he has one.) Hey, now there's a gun violence solution we haven't tried yet, right?

Police recruit booted from academy [Northeast Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Ultimate Schadenfreude

A little under $10,000 isn't quite a big fine for the receiver, who signed a three-year, $25 million deal in the offseason. But we all know from the trials and tribulations of last season that Owens doesn't quite like anything done to him, ever. But, in case you haven't been paying close attention to Cowboys training camp and their trials and tribulations with Owens -- because, really, who hasn't? -- here's a short list:

• Owens has missed 19 of 31 practices so far at this training camp with a hamstring injury.
• During one of his bike riding sessions, he wore the old uniform of Lance Armstrong. Fortunately, he avoided a Floyd Landis costume.
• He flew in assistants to help him with rehab. The Associated Press article sort of paints this as a bad thing. I'm not quite sure -- it sounds like a good thing to me -- but whatever.
• And now there's this fine.

Uh, actually, that doesn't sound like he's done anything all that bad, until he missed a few meetings.

But, still, at least he played in the preseason last year.

T.O. going too far? WR reportedly fined $9,500 [AP/ESPN.com]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Candidate For Sheriff IS A HUGE FREAKING LIAR

Last Thursday, a press release came into the inbox from Michael Untermeyer, announcing a press conference about his candidacy for sheriff and telling the public the Rocky Statue would be there.

Today, Untermeyer sent out another press release, recapping his commitment to "professionalism, accountability and integrity" and attaching a photo from the campaign announcement:

Whoa. Wait a second. That's just a guy painted bronze. (And they forgot a part of the pants.) And it's a guy who doesn't look much like Rocky at all. Is he even white? And he's wearing red boxing gloves! And... he's not in the Rocky Statue pose! And... wait a second, this candidate for sheriff is a huge freaking liar! This guy looks more like a statue of Clarence Weatherspoon than Rocky. Hell, it looks more like Apollo Creed than Rocky.

Looking back at his original press release, it says the "Rocky Statue" will be there. Putting it in quotes probably means he was technically not lying, but for a candidate whose campaign slogan is "a pledge of professionalism, accountability and integrity" it seems pretty weird to not explain that it wasn't going to be the real Rocky Statue at your campaign event! And if you're going to do that, at least use a podium that's not from Cosi, please?

There aren't many official political opinions here at Philadelphia Will Do. But since Untermeyer has shown that he can't even put out a simple press release without lying -- and got a horrible Rocky Statue stand-in at that -- it is the official opinion of this blog that no one should vote for Michael Untermeyer come 2007. This blog does not care if the only other option is John Mark Karr, the robot from Small Wonder or Terrell Owens. You don't lie about the Rocky statue. You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!

Full release after the jump.

Michael Untermeyer Announces Bid To Head Philadelphia Sheriff's Department

Former PA Senior Deputy Attorney General, Special Counsel to the State Office of Inspector General, Philadelphia Assistant District Attorney, Successful Real Estate Developer, Rendell Campaign Aide & LCB Judge
- - - - - - - - -
A Pledge of Professionalism, Accountability & Integrity

PHILADELPHIA, PA 8/28/06 -- With professionalism, accountability and integrity as the keystone of his vision for the city of Philadelphia, Michael Untermeyer announced his candidacy as a Democrat for Philadelphia Sheriff in the 2007 election.

A campaign launch event held Friday, August 25 - 11:30 AM at the Historic Headhouse, 2nd & Lombard drew a crowd of supporters and friends from the area, as well as a special appearance by the "Rocky Statue" to highlight the indomitable spirit that drives the Untermeyer campaign.

A former State Deputy Attorney General, Untermeyer staked out a campaign platform emphasizing the Sheriff's Department taking initiative in law enforcement, curbing predatory lending that vitimizes the poorest citizens, and taking control of the finances of the Sheriff's Department which has been widely scrutinized and criticized by City and State reports charging chaos in a system handling tens of millions of taxpayers dollars.

“My decision to launch this campaign has been encouraged by many of the people I have met with over the last six months,” says Untermeyer. “There is a general sense in the community that it’s time for a change. We can do better. We must do better. The citizens demand it and they deserve it!”

Posted by D-Mac at 11:40 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

By The Time You've Read This You've Already Read It

A late-breaking update from the Inquirer brings the following news:

As of 7:40 this morning, the eastbound Admiral Wilson Boulevard was closed from the Ben Franklin Bridge tolls to Airport Circle, and westbound traffic was reduced to one lane, according to traffic.com.

Flooding is also diverting or slowing motorists on eastbound Route 30 (White Horse Pike) at the Collingswood Circle, on Atlantic Avenue in Camden near Route 676, and in both directions along Route 73 at Main Street (Route 537) in Maple Shade.

In Philadelphia, a trouble spot was 26th Street near Girard Avenue.

If you sat in traffic all morning on your way to work, you can relax in your cubicle with Philly.com and read about the traffic you sat in on your way to work.

Rain snarls commute; more tomorrow [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:16 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

Urban Warrior Chris Brennan: Commerce Bank vs. Chestnut Hill Community Association. It's not just on the letters pages of the Chestnut Hill Local anymore!

Stu Bykofsky: Byko, live from Jamaica, bitches!

Posted by D-Mac at 09:55 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Protesters Don't Want Taxes To Pay For Death

Usually tax evaders are simply taken to civil court, but since the Restored Israel of Yahweh isn't a big religious group like, say, the Quakers -- which sometimes have members that refuse to pay taxes -- so they're serving about two years in prison each.

Donato's wife also went to prison, but not in the minimum security ones that McKee and her husband are in. She was in the Federal Detention Center in Philly (probably with Lil' Kim!) and said she adapted in her own way:

"Everyone sizes one another up for about a month or so. I fell back, almost, to high school," she said. "I didn't have an attitude. I didn't act like 'I'm here, but I really shouldn't be here.' "

Prison? A lot like high school. I hope if I ever end up there I can make the basketball team.

Hard time for S. Jersey tax protesters [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:47 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

If Kids Read The 'Inquirer', It Wouldn't Harm Them

Specifically, Flam's 1700-word opus asked a rather simple question. She wondered, "Is my column hazardous for kids?" Apparently, since Flam began writing her "Carnal Knowledge" pop science/sex column, she and her editors have gotten hate mail, have cancelled their subscriptions and have told her that her sex column is going to ruin their kids lives.

Flam's column comes to the conclusion that, no, her column does not ruin kids' lives. (Phew!) And reading about a nude beach is not going to make kids have sex earlier.

And although it does touch on the idea that kids probably aren't that interested in sex columns, more specifically Inquirer sex columns.

But it doesn't ask the question that you're having right now: Wait a minute, kids read newspapers? And, more specifically, kids read the Inquirer?

Hazardous for kids? [Inquirer]
Archives: Faye Flam

Posted by D-Mac at 09:15 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

August 25, 2006

Week In Will Do: Shirt Happens

• The Phillies continued their tear through the JV ranks of baseball -- i.e. the National League -- before things returned to normal last night. Aaron Rowand kept being a player who will do anything to win, even possibly injure the team's best player.

• Forbes gave the world dating advice; the world reacted by telling forbes where it could shove its views on women.

• The Roots released a new video and make sure to give Metro a few plugs in it.

• While it's still not at the art museum, the Rocky statue helped launch a political career this week. Where will the statue show up next? At the ballgame? In the Love Park fountain? At Franklin Mills?

• The animals invade Philadelphia's neighboring towns: Buffalo in Montco, Cougars in Wildwood.

• Tom Knox got Cy and Ed to sign his petition while Rick Santorum climbed in the polls and read the newspapers.

• 10! viewers continued to love pizza, awkward silences.

Enjoy your weekend. Next Wednesday's the big one-year anniversary of Philadelphia Will Do, which we'll celebrate by resisting the urge to delete old archive posts that are even worse than what we currently churn out. And, of course, there will be puppies. Possibly in party hats.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Leftovers: Fast Eddie To Speed Off Into Sunset

• The newest, hippest addiction that all the kids are into nowadays? Blackberries. And -- even better -- one of the co-authors of the study (a Rutgers prof, so you know she's credible!) says that employers may "face legal liability" for said addictions. I smell a new idea for Christina Alisio! [The Trouble With Spikol]

• Seattle alt-weekly The Stranger lets you know how to get free shit from Focus on the Family and, in essence, legally steal money out of its gay-hatin' pockets. So, y'know, you'd be fucking James Dobson in the ass. [The Stranger via Wonkette]

• A gay couple living in Kensington involved in some sort of land dispute says they're being harassed by their neighbors, including an incident where someone stole the steering wheel from their van, among more heinous things. [Philadelphia Gay News]

• Hal Levison, would you please explain planets to us: "They are worlds. Each one has a personality and some really weird things." Faye Flam also assures us that Pluto will be "fine" despite the demotion. [Inky]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Kennedy... Bush... Street