February 28, 2006

Gone Fishin -- For Justice!

I got a fistful of beads and I'm getting ready to toss them to girls in hopes of seeing some skin. Maybe I'll even get a cute judge and start and uproar in the court room!

Yep, today I'll be celebrating Fat Tuesday by doing my civic duty -- spending a full day reading books while I complain about doing my civic duty. Yep, I have Jury Duty, and hopefully it'll just be a one-day thing, since I have a story due tomorrow.

Either way, there will be no blogging until this whole thing is done. Enjoy your day. I'm sure it will be better than mine. As long as I don't get held in contempt for tossing aforementioned beads around, I should be back tomorrow to celebrate to start of Lent with youse.

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February 27, 2006

Leftovers: Is the Pizza Pope Catholic?

• Hey kids! Want the opportunity to (1) make more money than I do and (2) get poked fun at on this website at least once a week? Metro is hiring! [JournalismJobs.com]

• Kevin Smith is coming to speak at Penn! And what he is known for, according to the campus paper: "His films are also known for for sexual references and graphic displays of bodily functions." Indeed! [Daily Pennsylvanian]

• Fearing the success of Marley & Me will put America's CQ (Cuteness Quotient) at levels that the Chinese could not ever match, the nation opens a panda kindergarten. [Reuters]

• Ahh, but America returns the cuteness volley: Red pandas doing online dating! That means that, despite having both tried online dating, the red panda Fagan is leading me, 1-0, in number of dates. But how can I be mad when the little buggers are so cute! [6 ABC]

• The official mascot of the NCAA, J.J. Jumper, caused $6,500 worth of damage to the Columbia student TV station's equipment when he accidentally backflipped into it. Sadly, this is probably the highlight of the year for the Columbia athletic department. [Columbia Daily Spectator]

• Earlier today I admired Bode Miller's use of the Olympics as simply a two-week party. Now it's time to admire the rich. Mark Cuban is offering a million dollars for charity if Donald Trump blows up a rubber glove with his nose on For Love or Money tonight. Make it $2 million for Trump to put on the J.J. Jumper costume and you could probably get elected president, Mark. [Blog Maverick via Deadspin]

• Will the day soon be coming when bloggers accept oral sex for linking new products? I'm a little easier than that. Really, all you have to do is laugh at my jokes and I'll write whatever you want. [Jeremy Zawodny]

• The founder of Domino's Pizza -- the "Pizza Pope" -- is planning the first "Catholics only" town in the U.S. No abortion, no fornication, no contraception, &c. And, on Tuesdays, Jesus' blood is three goblets for $7 and comes with a free side of consecrated cheesy bread! [The Sunday Times]

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But joy is wisdom, Time an endless song

Today's Inquirer sex column by Faye Flam must have inspired some editorial meeting discussion before it ran. It's, essentially, a movie review of a set of sex instruction tapes called Better Sex Video Series, which is actually a remake of a 1991 series of the same name. (Truly, not since they remade House of Wax has there been such an important update on film.)

It's, eh, fairly graphic for something in the Inquirer -- though tamer than anything we have in the back of PW. (And thank God for that.) It's also funny and entertaining and, really, totally unlike the Inquirer that I wasn't really sure I was reading the Inquirer until I got to the last paragraphs:

"Better Sex" did give a realistic and comprehensive overview of the mechanics of sex and its most popular variations. It just didn't capture much passion. [...] Perhaps it's related to what W.B. Yeats was getting at when he said the tragedy of sexual intercourse is the perpetual virginity of the soul. But to remedy that could take more than a $49.85 set of videos.

Ahh, a Yeats reference. That's the Inquirer I know and love. I believe that puts both Paper Doll and Steve and Mia in check. Your move, guys.

'Better Sex' tapes: True education or porn? [Inky]
Feb. 23: I Am Curious (Yellow)
Feb. 24: I'd just be happy she had insurance

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Blogicized: God bless the Internet

• Hmm. If you get rid of 75 staffers and apparently have a commitment to annoying, boring writing, you might come up with an annoying, boring, incorrect editorial. But think of the profit margins! [Suburban Guerilla]

• In the grand tradition of "All Your Base" and "Bubb Rubb" comes the newest Internet fad, remixing subway maps with anagrams. How else would we have known that "Fairmount" can be rearrange to spell "I Mourn Fat"? [Philebrity]

• The number and percentage of blacks at Temple has gone down since 1999. Is this a problem? Eh, I dunno. But God help Holy Family if this guy ever finds out the stats on its female-to-male ratio. (It's 3-to-1. Why I didn't go to Holy Family, I'll never know.) [Marc Stier at Large]

• Who would possibly be enough of a loser to hack some blog in Delco? [I Live In Delaware County]

• The Art Museum has a new website. And it appears to be Rocky VI free. But just wait. [JMG Artblog]

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Liberals don't plant trees

I don't want to go overboard on this whole Good Day Philadelphia is the greatest show in the universe kick, but I have another video. No, it doesn't involve dancing or mascots (sigh). This morning, Good Day interviewed Ted Nugent:

You know, I don't even know if the show even needed a rebuttal. Nugent's theme of "Damn those liberals and their anti-tree planting agenda!" pretty much sums it all up.

PWD Archives: Good Day Philadelphia

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A motley collection

When I was little, I used to collect everything: rocks, bottle caps, baseball cards, pogs, video games, whatever. If this little kid in Northeast Philly could get his hand on it, he was collecting it.

Over the years, I've tried to cool my collecting habit, since, uhm, I have like one closet in my apartment and I have no idea where I would put anything if I kept collecting. (Plus, all my old collected crap is in my parents' house.)

I'm sure I'll end up collecting something trivial eventually, but I doubt I'll come up with a collection as cool as Daily News columnist Stu Bykofsky, who the Wall Street Journal interviews today:

Some collectors now accept that younger people don't want their stuff. Philadelphia Daily News columnist Stu Bykofsky, 64, has collected the last editions of 79 daily newspapers that closed down since 1963. His adult children don't want the old newspapers, which fill a closet. "The only kind of paper my family wants is greenbacks and stock certificates," he says.

He hasn't been able to find a university to take his collection, either. And now he's under the gun to get rid of it. He is about to marry his third wife, who is 27 years old, and in the prenuptial agreement, there's a clause that he must dispose of the collection by Dec. 31. She wants to store her shoes in that closet.

"At least I can wear my shoes," says his fiancée, Jennifer Graham. "He never reads those papers, and besides, he likes how I look in my shoes."

Collecting a bunch of final editions of newspapers that have folded. Now that's a real newspaperman. Let's hope the Poynter Institute has some extra space.

Who's Going to Want Grandma's Hoard Of Antique Gnomes? [WSJ]

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Bode Miller is totally awesome

Wouldn't that be an awesome team, no matter what they played? Sure, they might bicker and fight and lose every game, but that's the fun of it! I'd buy season tickets.

Another person I'd want on my hypothetical team -- I think they'd play Arena Football -- is drunk skier Bode Miller, who Metro interviewed on the final day of the Olympics:

Don't you feel like you lost a great chance?

Not at all. I wasn't the one who had great expectations of results. I'm very satisfied of what I did here — I did my best. Sure, I didn't win a medal, but I'm still proud of what I accomplished.

C'mon, any regret?
None. I came here to have fun and to live the Olympics at my best. Quality of life is the most important thing to me. I didn't want to come here, shut myself in my hotel room for two weeks and then come back with no medals.

Are you talking of your friend Daron Rahlves?
Exactly. At the end, we got the same results. But, thanks to many parties, I was very "Olympically active." And that's good.

Bode Miller totally just went to the Olympics to drink and get laid. And then he turned Olympics into an adverb. This guy is awesome. Do they sell Bode Miller jerseys? I bet they're cheap after that stinker of a performance he turned in.

Bode just wants to have fun [Metro]
Join Bode [Nike.com]

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For whom the (David) Bell tolls

For good? Please?

Bad elbow keeps Bell on bench [Inky]

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Quickies: Get off my lawn!

• The Inquirer goes all Hey, you kids, get off my lawn! Oh, and skateboarding is "antisocial behavior." And newspapers wonder why nobody under the age of 21 reads. [Inky]

• Sorry, Ben: Franklin Field is too "narrow" to host Olympic track and field. That track has nine lanes. How much bigger could it be? [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Drugs in the water have turned male bass into female bass in the Potomac. See, that transgender teacher in South Jersey didn't need to get a sex change operation -- she just needed to go for a swim in the Schuylkill. [Inky]

• Metro interviews an author with a big Internet following, and runs the following quote: "I was like, 'Holy f-king sh-t!'" You know, if you're going to censor his quote like that you might as just well run the fucking curse words. [Metro]

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It Continues: Mascot Monday on 'Good Day'

Indeed! Last week we all saw the Good Day Philadelphia crew dancing with the mascot of the University of Delaware. It seemed to be pretty popular. (One of you even emailed me that he'd be watching today's edition of Good Day in order to see the dancing.)

And, today, the Good Day team danced with Griffy the Griffon, the mascot of the Church Farm School in Exton, Pa. And there are new graphics, a strobe effect and discussion about the rising popularity of "Mascot Monday." Without further ado:

Anytime I'm down, I just need to watch videos like this. They make me realize how good it is to be alive. It's like Video Wellbutrin!

Feb. 21: Video: 'Good Day' Mascot Monday

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Abridged 'Daily News' columnists

John Baer: After the pay raise was rescinded by state lawmakers, all the politicians in the Philadelphia area paid it back. Ha ha, just kidding, almost none of them did!

Urban Warrior Chris Brennan: Installing defibrillators in city rec centers would save lives. And now, a quiz: Guess how many defibrillators are installed in city rec centers.

The Stu Bykofsky Comedy Hour: If the city puts up a referendum on whether to have cameras in an attempt to catch criminals, it'll will probably fail by 90 percent or so. Plus, no city that Byko lives in will have cameras in it, bitches!

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Comic relief

For these guys, it's not about making money, it's just about getting to do a comic book. And that makes sense. Aside from the fantastic Y: The Last Man -- the illustration at right -- I haven't read a comic book since about seventh grade, but that doesn't really matter; if someone asked me to write a comic book I would jump at the chance. It probably has something to do with the fact I can't draw, but it'd also be effing cool to have written a freakin' comic book.

Anyway, one of the authors now writing a comic book is from Philly, and he shared his memories with the Inky (emphasis mine):

"Growing up in Philly, I went down to Fat Jack's on Samson Street every week to buy comics," says Mat Johnson, 35, the award-winning novelist (Hunting in Harlem) who is writing the Papa Midnite voodoo series for Vertigo, an imprint of DC Comics.

Now, you might think that's an Inquirer copy editing error, but, really, come on: He's from Philly. He totally calls Sansom Street it "Samson Street." It's easier to say, and I think it's pretty clear that we Philadelphians will pronounce anything however the hell we want. In fact, I'd like to take the time now to praise the Inky for its accuracy.

Comiuc turn [Inky]
Y: The Last Man

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Also, it helps to be Donald Trump

Late Thursday night, police raided an illegal casino in Port Richmond, called the Philadelphia Players Club.

The casino was so brazen that it advertised on the Internet, which sort of makes me wonder how I was never there before. (I mean, had I known about it I totally would have visited. And my job is browsing the Internet all day! How did I not know about this?)

Anyway, the cops broke up the casino and arrested the proprietors. And they they sure showed them who's boss:

"This [raid and arrests] is sending a strong message to the community that gambling in this form is illegal," said Capt. Benjamin Naish, a police spokesman.

Indeed! If you want to open a casino in Port Richmond, you have to already be rich and place a complicated bid proposal and probably schmooze up to some politicians. How dare these people try to run a casino without politicians getting a cut of it!

Port Richmond 'casino' goes bust [DN]
Photo by Todd K

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This whole war thing just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

A poll on 6 ABC's website:

Well. It's a good thing we're all optimistic.

6 ABC

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February 24, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

In honor of the fact that we now have video capability here on Philadelphia Will Do (and can, as such, record local newscasters doing stupid stuff, post short clips of them and then laugh about it in my little space online), this week's Top 5 is five videos we've posted this week:

1. Phillies play-by-play man Harry Kalas also was an announcer for the Puppy Bowl.
2. Fox 29 gets February sweeps going by doing the police's job.
3. Action News warns us that small expensive objects could be stolen. Hide your gold dubloons.
4. William Devlin tries stand-up comedy, fails miserably.
5. NBC 10's Bill Henley tells Miss America she has a nice box.

And, of course, there was a sixth: The Good Day Philadelphia anchors dancing with a blue hen. Have a good weekend!

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Blogicized: Ride or die

• Yay! Ecstasy doesn't make you depressed! It does have the unfortunate side effect of usually making you look like a total jackass, but, hey. [The Trouble With Spikol]

• Philadelphia photobloggers Brad of Phillyskyline and Mark of All Proper had an opening for their show at Day by Day last night. It's fantastic, you should check it out.

• When your house is hit by a car twice in a year, it might be time to move. Stay away from the infield at Daytona when picking a new place to live, too. [Metroblogging Philadelphia]

• Ladies and gentlemen, a guy who's both nerdier and cooler than all of us. Enjoy. [Joystiq]

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Fighting fire with fire

What makes you say that, Ms. President?

Council to debate fireworks store [Bucks County Courier Times]

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Is it REALLY a protest without a giant rat?

Outside at lunch, in front of the clothespin:

Wow. Now Comcast is just flaunting it. Pays to be the biggest, I guess.

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Everybody hates Chris

There are a lot of things Phillies fans disagree on. For example, some people don't think Bobby Abreu is good. (They're wrong, of course, but that's a discussion for another time.) But there is one thing all Phillies fans can agree on: Harry Kalas is awesome, and Chris Wheeler sucks.

I don't really dislike Wheeler all that much -- I don't think he reaches the levels of announcer annoyance of Joe Morgan or the old Sunday Night ESPN crew -- but I don't know anyone who really enjoys his announcing. Some people think he's too negative; some people think he's too positive. Bill Conlin said he hasn't gotten any positive emails about Wheels. Not to turn this into a Bill Simmons column, but my buddy Tim said he got a reply from DN writer Paul Hagen saying he had gotten deluged with email bashing Wheeler. And check out the comments on Jason Weitzel's post over at Beerleaguer. In reality, Wheeler can't win.

Harry Kalas, on the other hand, is beloved by all. Sure, he's not as good as he used to be, but, man, what a voice! (He also does NFL highlights during the fall.) And when an announcer has been with a team for so long, you sort of have to keep him there and let him do what he wants.

After last year's dwindling attendance, the Phillies hired former Action News reporter Scott Palmer to act as an ombudsman between the fans and team management, hoping he could iron out any problems. And then earlier this month, Palmer was officially named director of media and public affairs.

And what is his first fan-pleasing job? To figure out how to solve the tentative announcing lineup which has pissed off fans from Broad and Pattison to Scranton. The new lineup? Harry the K on TV in the first through third and seventh through ninth innings. Larry Anderson only on radio. Chris Wheeler on television all nine innings.

Yikes. Good luck with all that, Scott.

And if he can't figure out a way to make this work and Harry leaves after this year, it's okay. We'll still have Harry doing announcing work on things even more important than the Phillies:

Yes, that's Harry Kalas announcing Puppy Bowl II.

Kalas outta here? [DN]
Bill Conlin | Still wild about Harry (Kalas) [DN]
Harry in the headlines [Beerleaguer]

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Quickies: EL on Earth

• You saw the preview yesterday. Here's the rest of Inga Saffron's column about the new EL stops. [Inky]

• About six hundred kids were out sick in a New Jersey school. Sounds like there's a huge outbreak of cooties. [NBC 10]

• No. 2 'Nova edged Cincinnati last night on a sweet inbounds pass layup in the final seconds. They're at 24-2 UConn on Sunday. [Inky]

• And, finally, girls pledging a sorority at Penn are being attacked for their lunchboxes. Police suspect Yogi Bear has moved on from pic-i-nic baskets at long last. [Daily Pennsylvanian]

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Charlie Manuel loves him some 'Punch Out!'

There's nothing like a conversation about old-school video games to get everyone excited. Mention Tecmo Super Bowl in a group of 20-to-30 year old guys and you'll get bombarded for an hour with stories of QB Eagles, ridiculously long punts and braggadocio about 106-0 wins and 14 safeties in a game.

Tecmo may be the gold standard of Nintendo sports games, but one that wasn't far behind was Mike Tyson's Punch Out! (You must spell this game's title with the exclamation point.) The plot of the game is this: You're a 10-year-old (or so) named Little Mac and you fight guys three times your size, culminating in the final fight against Mike Tyson.

And yesterday, as the Phillies were photographed for the upcoming game MLB '07 -- MLB '06 is due out next week -- Charlie Manuel shared his fondness for the 1980s classic:

Most, too young for the Atari revolution, first played a version of the ricochet game "Breakout" on a personal computer before graduating to the wonders of Nintendo staples "Super Mario Brothers," "Donkey Kong" and "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out."

"You got to fight Bald Bull," recalled manager Charlie Manuel, a "Pacman" fan who, at 62, owns a "Tetris" game.

Yep. You got to fight Bald Bull. (Twice.) Go get 'em, Fightins!

Phillies have video games on their minds [DN]

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I'd just be happy she had insurance

An intriguing question today from Steve & Mia, the Daily News sex column:

Q: My girlfriend is on the birth control pill, which costs her about $20 a month. She thinks I should pay half the cost.

I said she should break down the daily pill cost, and each day that we have sex, I'll pay for half the pill. She said I was being a money-grubbing jerk. I think it's just smart money management.

What do you guys think?

Steve and Mia have their answers, but I think I can solve this one: It's ten fucking dollars. Do you know how much sex that would buy on the open market? Zilch. $10 is a bargain for regular sex.

Who pays for the pill? [DN]

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H.O.M.I.C.I.D.E.

Yesterday we saw an example of the "I Was Only Comparing His Death To The Life Expectancy Of A Sub-Saharan Elephant" Defense. And, today, William "King Homicide" Sosa shows us the Acronym Defense:

Sosa spent an hour on the witness stand trying to refute those allegations, telling the jury, among other things, that his Latin King nickname, "Homicide," is not what it seems. [...]

Homicide, he said, was an an acronym that embodied some of the tenets of the organization. With many jurors taking notes and with federal prosecutors looking on skeptically, Sosa said the name stood for a Humble Oppressed Mind Increases through Cultural Independence a Desire for Education.

Someone's been watching too many Emerald Nuts ads.

Reputed Latin Kings leader testifies in his defense [Inky]
Yesterday: No more elephun at the zoo for one woman

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Abridged 'Daily News' columnists

Jill Porter: One woman, whose daughter was killed by a drunk driver, has become a crusader, helping a law get passed that forces drunk drivers to meet with victims. This is a better idea than guns for Sixers tickets.

Elmer Smith: Drugs are expensive. But we can't do universal health care or bargain for cheaper prices, because that would be useful!

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'Metro' ruins it for Sasha Cohen

Yesterday, the Metro asked this question:

And, later that day...

Bastards!

Arakawa wins ladies' gold -- Cohen gets silver after major errors; bronze for Slutskaya [AP/NBCOlympics.com]
Yesterday: We knew those Swedes were up to something!

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Education is like a rat, or something

Yes, Thursday has come and gone and I didn't mention any Northeast Times letters. Fear not! There's a letter in this week's edition that's better than 20 rants about Mayor Street:

Education leads to power of the mind

Yes! The recognition of the power of the mind. You have to discover the power that you hold inside of you. Education is the key that unlocks the door to life. But you need to pick up that key and put it in the lock.

Education is the hammer and your life is the nail. Use that hammer to bang in the nail. Poor people lack education. That is why they are out there calling to people. And only at night will the rats answer their call. If you keep on going back into a poor man's history, it will always go back to lack of education. Only a poor fool who lacks education will accept it eagerly but then squander it on folly. For is that not how he became poor? Is it not?

Wait. So is education a hammer or a key? And can I use education to end the rat problem in my building? I'm so confused.

Education leads to power of the mind [Northeast Times, last letter]

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Nostradamus, reincarnated

No way! What a prediction! Will there be sand involved?

Local Middle East Expert Warns of More Trouble in Iraq [KYW 1060]

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February 23, 2006

Blogicized: Whatamaneuver!

• Phillies fan and Supreme Court Justice Sam Alito hired a former top aid to John Ashcroft to clerk for him. That's like PW hiring John Updike to key in movie times. [Delaware Watch]

• Apparently Ed Snider said last night that he should move the 76ers to a town that appreciates them and loves the game of basketball. Eventually, with all the movement, all the NBA teams will have nonsensical nicknames: Utah Jazz, Los Angeles Lakers, Kansas City Sixers, Toronto Heat, Boston Bobcats, Philadelphia Celtics, Miami Trail Blazers, &c. [The 700 Level]

• The other day, I noted I love when Will Bunch makes fun of his paper's own writers. Today, he's apologizes: "[W]e went a tad too far in bashing [Christine Flowers] the other day, even if she was wrong... sorry, Christine." Ooooooh, someone got in trouuuuuuble! [Attytood]

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'The 10 O'Clock News' is a narc

One of the questions journalists sometimes face is what to do when we see something illegal happen. If you're working on a story where, say, one of your main interviewees sells drugs, there's a possibility of hearing talk of drug sales, seeing drugs being sold, &c. The general rule is that a journalist is an observer, not a participant, and you don't turn over your findings to the police.

Last night on Fox 29's 10 O'Clock News, there was a special report on nitrous. Nitrous is, of course, nitrous oxide, laughing gas, Hippie crack, &c. It's used in street racing, in dentist's office and for recreational use.

Fox 29 found three adult book stores in Philadelphia -- Danny's, John's and Sansom Cinema -- selling nitrous, which is illegal to sell for the purpose of inhaling it for pleasure. (There was also a place in Jersey selling some.)

Fox did the whole hidden camera shtick, catching people in the act, and confronted them -- including one guy on camera at John's who claims to simply just be making change. Okay, okay, you did your report, stores are illegally selling nitrous, fine.

But then they turned the tapes over to the police. Wait, it gets better! They accompanied the police on at least one raid! There's always some murky legal waters on ridealongs, but Fox 29's involvement isn't like a ridealong -- they're a (not so) confidential informant chillin' with the police during a raid. Geeze, even Cops doesn't let the camera operator participate.

Fox 29 reporter John Atwater confronts a store manager with the line "Kids die from this," which could also be said of pretty much anything, but hints what this report is actually getting at.

Doing investigations and hidden camera work and ambush journalism is fine, but turning over all your tapes to police and then filming the raid? The report is long, so I excerpted it below. I basically cut out some of the hidden camera stuff and clips of law enforcement officials telling us nitrous is dangerous and illegal.

In the meantime, somebody get John Atwater a "Stop Snitchin'" t-shirt. Oh, and if you're doing lines, don't invite him over to your house.

Nitrous oxide [Wikipedia]

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'Inquirer' unveils new way to annoy readers

I'm sitting at my desk, browsing Philly.com, and I see on the front page a link to Inga Saffron's column about the architecture of the new SEPTA stations in West Philly. (Yes, my intro for this post was to tell you how I found this article. Shush.)

Great, I thought. It's Saffron, whose writing I like, it's SEPTA, which is so charmingly awful, and it's West Philly, where I used to live. (Okay, not really. But I like West Philly. Shush again.)

I'm reading the article, and it's all about how the new EL stations are supposed to blend in a little bit with the early-20th century rowhouses that line Market Street. To me, this is interesting stuff. (One more peep out of you and you're grounded.)

Then I reach the eighth paragraph. I finish reading it, and see this note as the ninth graph:

Editor's Note: Read the rest of this column in tomorrow's Inquirer.

I think it's about time to declare the newspaper/Internet mashup craze over.

Changing Skyline | SEPTA hits high and low notes with rehabbed station [Inky]

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Out, damned spot

Back when I was in school, there were teachers I didn't like. Of course, that's how school (and life) works.

Some of these teachers I didn't like my parents also didn't like. And they may have silently grumbled or complained or whatever. I don't really know what they did. What they didn't do was take out an ad in a local paper hoping to get that teacher barred from teaching.

Wait, it gets better: The reason for the ad wasn't because the substitute teacher does a bad job. She could be Peggy Hill-quality for all I know. No, the reason he wants her barred is because she used to be a he. Lady Macbeth used to be Sir Macbeth.

At least by the NBC 10 story about her, there seems to be no real problem with her teaching. But Mark Schnepp, parent of an Eagleswood, N.J., high school student, doesn't want his child taught by no man-turned-woman. He also wants his kid to live in a giant protective plastic bubble where he can teach little junior to be an asshole in peace.

Fair enough. Mr. Schnepp has every right to do that. He has every right to say this teacher shouldn't be instructing his kids. However, he doesn't think that Lady Macbeth has any right to teach his kid. You see, he's an expert in the First Amendment:

Schnepp, who is a Methodist, said that Macbeth's sex change is against his religion and the school board is violating his rights if Macbeth enters a classroom.

Freedom of religion, indeed! In fact, Schnepp's fight is just like when Jesus took that ad out in the Nazareth Times-Herald saying all the prostitutes should be stoned to death.

Transgender Teacher Angers Eagleswood Parent [NBC 10]

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We knew those Swedes were up to something!

The question up for debate in today's Metro:

Way to be supportive. Why do you want the Soviets to win?

U.S. Editions [Metro]
U.S. Olympic Team Increases Medal Lead Over Hated Soviets [SportsPickle]

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Quickies: Such great heights

• A woman who fell on some packages can sue the Postal Service for it. Sweet! Quick, somebody throw some mail on the floor, I'm gonna be rich! [NBC 10]

• Stabbed on the steps University City High? Well, you're going to jail! [Inky]

• NB to local journos: If you write about PW -- and by all means, you should -- please don't refer to us in a headline as Phila. magazine. It makes us all feel a little icky. [KYW 1060]

• The more you hear, doesn't it just seem like President Bush doesn't have a clue what he's doing? I don't even really think UAE-owned ports is a security threat, and somehow I still disagree with him. [AP/Yahoo!]

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Why don't you just kick Rick Tocchet's dog while you're at it, New Jersey lawmakers?

This would be in contrast to the previous system of New Jersey sports gambling, Toccherat.

NJ Lawmakers Mull Casino Sports Betting [AP/6 ABC]
PWD on Rick Tocchet

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Warning: Small objects may be stolen

Last night on Action News, Jim Gardner shows us all the dangers of bringing an iPod to school:

Other little-known school facts later exposed on Action News: Bullies sometimes beat up weaker people, popular kids get laid more than unpopular ones and if you don't study, you could fail your test!

Posted by D-Mac at 10:09 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

I Am Curious (Yellow)

Today's sex column by Ashlea Halpern in PW's alt-weekly competitor Citypaper deals with something my paper didn't cover in our Next issue: The Next Hot Fetish. Naturally, that fetish is "watersports," which is a nicer way of saying "pissing on each other."

I'm all for people being able to do whatever the hell they want to in the bedroom, and urine is sterile, so it's not like this is something that's going to shake the moral fabric of society. (Expect Rick Santorum to introduce legislation suggesting a ban on it in a few months, then.) But it's not quite my cup of tea. Or, really, anywhere near it.

Halpern interviews some watersports aficionados, including Rob, a 27-year-old ad exec:

On a fundamental level, Rob likes pee because it feels good. "I also like how it says, 'I fucking love you so much, you can even do this and it will be hot and we'll still be cool afterward.'"

The way he puts it, pee play sounds almost romantic.

Yeah. What says 'romance' more than piss! I'm sure Rob got a heart-shaped flask of urine for Valentine's Day.

Yellow Fever [CP]
Next Philadelphia [PW]
Photo by dplanet

Posted by D-Mac at 09:49 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Abridged 'Daily News' columnists

Ronnie Polaneczky: In the interest of being more like Byko, it's time to roll out the word bitchy in this column. Bitchin'!

Stu Bykofsky: Praise the Inquirer for running those Muhammad cartoons. Even more bitchin'!

Michael Smerconish: Let's jump on the bandwagon: I don't want A-rabs payin' the same workers that currently operate ports (instead of the British)! Uhh... not bitchin' at all?

Posted by D-Mac at 09:27 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

No more elephun at the zoo for one woman

The most specific activist group ever, Friends of Philly Zoo Elephants, has been protesting the zoo off and on since Dulary, the zoo's Asian elephant, was injured (naturally, by one of those bully African elephants). They want the elephants shipped to a sanctuary.

Fair enough. The Zoo, however, is so worried about the group that they've been monitoring chat rooms for several months to keep tabs on them. (Perhaps they got tips from the Bush administration.)

And, of course, the zoo read the group's leader, attorney Marianne Bessey, wrote that zoo director Pete Hoskins will have "nightmares every night until you die, which should be very soon." And now she's banned from the premises. This is odd, because if you were to actually believe Bessey was serious -- which, uhm, it seems 100 percent likely she's not -- you'd want to ban her from Hoskins' bedroom, since it seems like she'd kill him in his sleep.

Bessey, though, in her best lawyerly argument, comes up with an excuse for the lame comment:

In making the remarks about Hoskins' demise, Bessey said she had not been threatening him but simply calculating what Hoskins' "life expectancy" would be in sub-Saharan Africa, homeland of three of the zoo's four elephants. That would be 51, she said, adding, "You have outlived your life expectancy by some 10 years."

This is what's known as the "Life Expectancy in sub-Saharan Africa Defense," which has not once been believed by a listener since it was invented in 1867. I'm not quite sure why it keeps getting used.

Zoo banishes elephant activist over Web posting [DN]
Photo by Thomas Sly

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February 22, 2006

Blogicized: Do it, Rockapella!

• You knew somebody had to make a local version of it: Where in the world is (beat) Matt O'Donnell? [TinaPoPo]

• Ladies and gentlemen, the most horrifing spam ever. (It's possibly not safe for work, if you work for William Devlin.) [Starting a Landslide in My Ego]

• A quote from this entry: "Some of you may recall that I wrote a few posts a while back with Cat Shit Coffee as their titles... As I'm sure you suspected, [Cat Shit Coffee] all revoves around Bob Casey." [Rowhouse Logic]

• Sugar gliders? Oh, just wait until I respond with some red panda photos in the next few days. [The Trouble With Spikol]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

No snow forces NBC 10 to scrounge for ideas

Currently on NBC 10:

Is your house cat rather large? We're looking for our area's biggest cat. Send us your picture and the weight of your tabby!

Alright, I'll bite:

We Need Big Cat Photos! [NBC 10]

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Don't quit your day job, William Devlin (whatever that is)

The topic on last night on CN8's It's Your Call with Lynn Doyle was the decriminilization of marijuana. William Devlin, a local pastor and founder of the Urban Family Council -- who we last saw bending the rules of the Evening Bulletin -- came on to speak against decriminilization:

Get it? It's funny because Chris Farley was fat and now he's dead. Sigh.

Feb. 16: The norm (subject to change)

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Quickies: Much more important than the 'War on Christmas'

• Hey, you know Darfur? Sure you do! It's the war we're all really up in arms about and a multinational coalition is invading because there's a genocide and... er, wait. We don't all care about it and it's effing crazy. A former Marine who witnessed some of the atrocities speaks at the Free Library tonight. [KYW 1060]

• Hey, college kids! Don't have an independent student newspaper at your school? It turns out the administration can just censor anything they want! Especially if you print cartoons with Muhammad in them. [Reuters]

• If you have a gun lying around, you can turn it in for some Sixers tickets. Apparently nobody working this promotion has seen the Sixers play this year. [Inky]

• Just an update on the fate of The Platters, who have (apparently) 974 people claiming to once be a member: Gov. Rendell has signed legislation making it illegal to perform as a member of The Platters if you weren't. Phew. [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:35 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Two Gross

Today's Daily News gossip column by Dan Gross contains an item about a celebrity who will be in town today:

Paul Walker, who stars in last weekend's highest grossing film "Eight Below," will greet fans tonight at the Ritz Five (214 Walnut) at a preview screening of his film "Running Scared," out Friday.

No tickets remain for the preview screening of the crime drama written and directed by Wayne Kramer, who'll be on hand tonight, too, and who is not the same Wayne Kramer as the musician from MC5.

• And "Running Scared," a crime drama, is not a remake of 1986's Chicago set classic with the same name and starring Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines.

Incidentally, Dan Gross of the Daily News is not the same Dan Gross as the guy who writes the "Moneybox" column for Slate. Just in case you're wondering.

Daniel Gross' homepage
Movie hunk hits old city [DN, 3rd item]

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Action News Madlibs: [Proper name(s)] [verb] [item] after [period of time] years

From 6ABC.com, sometime yesterday early evening:

How is Action News attracting a young audience? Why, by reporting on stories that had their genesis well before any of them were ever born!

Posted by D-Mac at 12:25 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Abridged 'Daily News' columnists

Rotan Lee: Leadership is awesome!

Yep, that's it for today, at least online. Haven't seen a paper copy yet.

Posted by D-Mac at 12:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Incidentally, this should be covered by benefits

Today's Metro debate:

Hell yeah! Why not go all out? Shoot yourself into space with 10 weeping widows in bikinis doing a gun salute and somebody blastin' "You Shook Me All Night Long" on a totally kick-ass boom box! Now that's a way to go!

Posted by D-Mac at 10:13 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Ed Rendell: The Philadelphia Will Do interview

If Ed Rendell has a 2006 like the Philadelphia Eagles' 2005, he's going to be looking for a new job. A year after his favorite team stumbled to a 6-10 record and missed the playoffs for the first time since 1999. Coincidentally, that's the year Rendell left office as Philadelphia mayor, only to return to win Pennsylvania's gubernatorial election in 2002. (He also returned doing Eagles postgame commentary on television.)

Rendell's been labeled as a Philly-friendly governor, so expect heavy anti-cheesesteak propaganda from his Republican challenger -- former Hall of Fame football player Lynn Swann -- in the coming months. While the jury's out on whether Fast Eddie is favorable to Philadelphia, it certainly doesn't hurt the city to have him there. Expect a big turn-out-the-vote effort.

As part of PW's 'Next' issue, online and at honor boxes around the city now, Philadelphia Will Do talked with Pennsylvania governor Ed Rendell a few weeks ago. In the interest of political fairness, when I talked with Gov. Rendell, we decided to focus on the most important of topics for Philadelphians this year: Will the Eagles suck in 2006?

Just real simple. Do you think the Eagles can get back to the Super Bowl next year?
Although the NFC East has improved, I don't think either the Redskins, Cowboys or Giants are a better team than we are. And if we're willing to spend cap money for an impact defensive lineman, linebacker and wide receiver, then I think we're more than capable of winning the division.

The Super Bowl is another story—multiple things have to happen for the Eagles to get back there. But they're certainly capable of it. I think we can be, again, if we're willing to spend our ca